Mother-in-law and money

Mojisola

chubster said:

my wife waits on her hand and foot. 

So MIL wouldn't be too happy if your wife had to work part-time and not be at her beck and call?

It will be difficult to make changes now but your MIL could easily live for ten or more years - can the two of you cope with this situation for an unforeseeable length of time?

Fireflyaway

The issue seems to be that you feel a bit used rather than you can't afford her to live with you. She can't be causing you much extra expense. As the sole household earner I'm  guessing you feel it's unfair that all the burden is on you and your MIL is not willing to contribute more When it appears that she could but is choosing not to. I think firstly you and your wife need to agree on how to handle the situation. You don't want this to cause marital issues or for your wife to feel she has to make a choice between her mum or husband. I think if I was in this situation id be up front in saying that the grocery budget is now less. The heating has to be rationed etc. That's good practice anyway if your income has reduced. See what her response is. It might be good to use the opportunity to plan ahead as well. Once you retire what is the plan? Will your retirement income be sufficient? Are there any cultural traditions here? I know my MIL would never contribute financially. It's expected that her son and daughter in law look after her in old age. Culturally a care home would be frowned upon and asking for money would seem rude. Just asking because if that's the case for you it's going to be even harder to change the situation. 

onwards&upwards

chubster said:

missile said:

I would show her the door

Not an option, my wife would choose MIL over me I think if I gave that ultimatum.

And how do you feel about that?  

helensbiggestfan

chubster said:

missile said:

I would show her the door

Not an option, my wife would choose MIL over me I think if I gave that ultimatum.

How terribly sad..... 

GaleSF63

Fireflyaway said:

I think if I was in this situation id be up front in saying that the grocery budget is now less. The heating has to be rationed etc. 

I would just do it without saying anything to MIL first. 

I hope the daughter isn't tip-toeing around her mother because of the £80k which could disappear for any number of reasons.

Pollycat

chubster said:

missile said:

I would show her the door

Not an option, my wife would choose MIL over me I think if I gave that ultimatum.

If this is a true response, there's no way I'd be flogging myself working 2 jobs for this pair of free-loaders.

Emmia

GaleSF63 said:

Fireflyaway said:

I think if I was in this situation id be up front in saying that the grocery budget is now less. The heating has to be rationed etc. 

I would just do it without saying anything to MIL first. 

I hope the daughter isn't tip-toeing around her mother because of the £80k which could disappear for any number of reasons.

If you divide this "potential inheritance" by the number of months the MIL has been living with you already and the potential number of months she may live on for, it probably doesn't look like such a huge amount of money... and in the event she needs a nursing home, it'll get burnt through pretty quickly, leaving no money at all. 

I don't think you should take on a second job, but as it is your wife's mother, she should look for work to boost the household pot and/or she needs to convince your MiL to pay her way  In anycase I'd take steps to reduce expenditure on the groceries and utilities.

onwards&upwards

Pollycat said:

chubster said:

missile said:

I would show her the door

Not an option, my wife would choose MIL over me I think if I gave that ultimatum.

If this is a true response, there's no way I'd be flogging myself working 2 jobs for this pair of free-loaders.

I know, I think I might be looking at nice one bed flats and leaving them to each other's company!

74jax

It's been just over a week since op 1st posted. Have you discussed anything with your wife? 

74jax

mason's_mum said:

You're not solely responsible for this - I'm not sure where one of the other posters got the idea that you should find extra work to bring your hours back up to cover the shortfall as you're the provider - possibly 1955?!
I hope you find a way to sort it out! good luck!

It was the op who said this. Not a poster. 
The OP is responsible, or at least taking responsibility, because his wife and mil won't.
We are all saying its ridiculous he'd even consider a 2nd job in this situation but if its the only way he can see bills being met...... If it was me without my partners support, I'd move out.