Mother-in-law and money

mason's_mum

I really feel for you here and I'm astounded by some of the comments/suggestions!
You say that MIL is a prickly person so your wife tiptoes around her, I think this is your undoing - she's got her own way for too long and she knows if she makes enough fuss then you (or your wife) will give in.
You do need to have a serious conversation about where belts can be tightened or what needs to be done to maintain the same standard of living - A SoA should be done together to see what 2020 living costs actually are and what does cost extra (and what doesn't) so MIL can see that £19 a week really isn't even covering her own costs let alone contributing to the running of the house. (and as an aside point then if as some posters are claiming MIL owns 20% of the house then she should be responsible for 20% of the maintenance costs as well that I bet she's not paid for in the last 10 years either)
You're not solely responsible for this - I'm not sure where one of the other posters got the idea that you should find extra work to bring your hours back up to cover the shortfall as you're the provider - possibly 1955?!
I hope you find a way to sort it out! good luck!

maman

I think some posters (probably me included) were wondering whether MIL saw the £20K she  gave originally as a sort of advance payment of rent which then allowed OP to buy the house. I don't think she does own part of the house. 

strawb_shortcake

The amount your MIL pays should have been addressed before now if it was a problem 10 years is a long time to not address bring it up so I assume you were all content?
 If it's only being addressed due to your wife's retirement and your reduced hours then she's going to see it as subsidising you now your circumstances have changed - from her perspective nothing has changed and probably feels unfair to increase her current payments due to your situation. 

As mentioned above work out your budget with your wife and see what if any changes you need to make. If your wife remains happy with £1k from your MIL and you do need to make cut backs I'd be inclined to ask your wife which areas of her spending she's willing to cut back on to subsidise her Mother's living arrangements.

superpup

Difficult situation as it has been allowed to go on for so long but I would point out that her pension has increased over that period to somewhat cover a rise in the cost of living. It’s unfair to not increase her payment to you to account for this. 

chubster

maman said:

I think some posters (probably me included) were wondering whether MIL saw the £20K she  gave originally as a sort of advance payment of rent which then allowed OP to buy the house. I don't think she does own part of the house. 

MIL's name is not on the deeds but yes you might be right in that she maybe feels that she has paid her dues 'up front' if you like.

thorsoak

In 2000, the single basic pension was £67.50 per week.   In 2010 it was £97.65.   This year it is £134.    Discuss these figures with MIL.

chubster

mason's_mum said:

I really feel for you here and I'm astounded by some of the comments/suggestions!
You say that MIL is a prickly person so your wife tiptoes around her, I think this is your undoing - she's got her own way for too long and she knows if she makes enough fuss then you (or your wife) will give in.
You do need to have a serious conversation about where belts can be tightened or what needs to be done to maintain the same standard of living - A SoA should be done together to see what 2020 living costs actually are and what does cost extra (and what doesn't) so MIL can see that £19 a week really isn't even covering her own costs let alone contributing to the running of the house. (and as an aside point then if as some posters are claiming MIL owns 20% of the house then she should be responsible for 20% of the maintenance costs as well that I bet she's not paid for in the last 10 years either)
You're not solely responsible for this - I'm not sure where one of the other posters got the idea that you should find extra work to bring your hours back up to cover the shortfall as you're the provider - possibly 1955?!
I hope you find a way to sort it out! good luck!

Thank you, some very interesting points raised there and yes the issue of maintenance is a good one to bring up. My next step is to do a SoA and see where we can save money.

borkid

chubster said:

maman said:

I think some posters (probably me included) were wondering whether MIL saw the £20K she  gave originally as a sort of advance payment of rent which then allowed OP to buy the house. I don't think she does own part of the house. 

MIL's name is not on the deeds but yes you might be right in that she maybe feels that she has paid her dues 'up front' if you like.

Correct me if I'm wrong but it's not rent you are asking for just more towards her share of the bills.  £20000 over 10 years comes to about £38 per week so a pittance for rent.

If things got bad would you be prepared to reduce the heating/ food/ TV package/ phone to cut back the bills .It might highlight the fact in a very practical way that she isn't paying her fair share of the bills. ( Not sure if you have all those bills just guessing)

Savvy_Sue

I do think the plan of having a budget meeting without discussing MIL is a very good idea. Presumably your wife going back to work could be considered? And personally I'd prefer that option to seeing my DH take on a second job, were we in your situation.

Also the 'sorry I'm busy here's a taxi number' - although I'm guessing your wife would need to plan this carefully, as no doubt MIL expects her to be aware of her appointments and be available for them! What did she do when your wife was working?

barbiedoll

MIL is a wily old bat if you ask me. Even allowing for her 20k contribution to your house purchase, she’s still had it good for the last 10 years, averaging around £60 a week for bed, board, chef and waitress service AND free taxi rides everywhere. You and your wife have been taken for a right pair of mugs. The promise of £80k when she dies is all very well, but she could outlive the pair of you at this rate. 

I can’t understand why posters on here are saying that she won’t be costing you anything extra. You live in a larger house than you need where you no doubt have the heating on all day for her in the winter. If you’re on a water meter, she will be using it whenever she likes. TV on all day? I bet it is. Not to mention the food she’s eating. I can’t believe that your wife would let you get a second job, just to support her tightwad mother. Personally, I’d be pulling her up on it now, if you have to tighten your belt, then so will she. Turn the heating down, start using the cut-price own brands, cancel the telly channels, and show her that the good times are over, unless she starts to cough up. And if she needs a lift anywhere, tell her there’s no petrol in the tank, and she’ll have to get a cab. She’s had a good run at your expense, but we all have to pay our way, it’s about time that she started doing so!