Mother-in-law and money

Gloria_Steeth

Pollycat said:

But it's OK for the OP to shoulder the pressure of working 2 jobs...?

Maybe working two jobs is preferable to being at home with MIL... 

Fireflyaway

Just a side note - why is it so crazy to suggest OP find a new job / take on an extra job? His hours have been cut and if he needs more money surely that's a sensible course of action. That's what I'd do.  OP would still be in the same financial situation even if he were single or his MIL were not living with him due to his hours being decreased. I think the change in circumstances has just made him feel a bit taken for granted and taken advantage of but the drop in income he can remedy. 

HampshireH

 Because he has twonwomen living off him who have no intention to contribute enough financially .

OP shouldnt have to get another jobs becsuse his MIL is living for free and his wife doesnt want to rock the boat.

Should he work 2 jobs indefinitely?

OP wouldn't have bought such a big house if MIL wasnt there. Wouldnt buy as much food and wouldnt have as high energy bills.

Retireinten

I agree that the OP should only consider getting a second job if all other avenues have been exhausted. There are three adults living in that house, why should he sub either of them when they are both capable of financially contributing. Yes, one is his wife but why should one half of a couple get to retire at the expense of the other? 

We also need to consider the economy here... who knows what's round the corner and will it even be possible to secure another job and maintain those extra earnings.

I think the best course of action is to produce 2 x SOA's, the first showing your current spending as a household of three with your Mils current £1,000 as income and current income levels. The next showing your reduced income levels and presumably your SOA shortfall with your current levels of spend?  From there, sit down with your wife first and work out where to trim your household spending to 'balance the books', working on the basis that no one gets another job and there is no downsize. 

Don't lose sight of your own retirement plans in this - if you have savings earmarked to fund retirement (either already accrued or in the SOA) don't start using this to fund the household now unless you're certain it won't impact any retirement plans you have. 

Pollycat

Fireflyaway said:

Just a side note - why is it so crazy to suggest OP find a new job / take on an extra job? His hours have been cut and if he needs more money surely that's a sensible course of action. That's what I'd do.  OP would still be in the same financial situation even if he were single or his MIL were not living with him due to his hours being decreased. I think the change in circumstances has just made him feel a bit taken for granted and taken advantage of but the drop in income he can remedy. 

HampshireH said:

 Because he has twonwomen living off him who have no intention to contribute enough financially .

Precisely.

warby68

I'm getting a picture of mum & daughter going for coffee and hair appointments and generally being ladies of leisure while OP funds most of it. Perhaps that's what mum wants the money for, lots of nice treats now her daughter is back 100% available. OP needs to just keep earning and stay out of their nice little life.

The only other thing I've thought of while the thread has been running is how did MIL engage with finances when married - has she been 'looked after' all her life?  Has her own money been her own while her father, husband and now S-I-L have been providers - not uncommon for older people. It could be why she sees £1000 as paying her way, because she really thinks she shouldn't pay at all and is comparing it to NIL contribution during the rest of her life rather than to the costs of running a house. Has OP been letting them down by not providing this lifestyle?

If both simply refuse to engage which seems to be the case, it might be time to show them the thread (and run for cover).

Whatever life experience you've had, living it at someone else's expense is not fair.

breaking_free

It's often helpful to get other people's perspectives and not just assume that our (or in this case the wife's) position is the right one. I would definitely let the wife read this thread. Then you can segue into a discussion of household finances going forward. Wishing you the best of luck Chubster.

unholyangel

HampshireH said:

 Because he has twonwomen living off him who have no intention to contribute enough financially .

OP shouldnt have to get another jobs becsuse his MIL is living for free and his wife doesnt want to rock the boat.

Should he work 2 jobs indefinitely?

OP wouldn't have bought such a big house if MIL wasnt there. Wouldnt buy as much food and wouldnt have as high energy bills.

OP told us household income with his reduced hours & wife's pension is 32k. OP also told us his wage will be around 16k. Therefore the wife must also be on around 16k for her pension.

In other words, husband & wife are equal contributors. It's the MiL thats the issue. 

maman

Financially MIL is the issue, but wife is enabling. Household income is much reduced and OP is looking for a way to increase. Wife doesn't agree with asking MIL for more realistic contribution but also doesn't like possible other solutions like downsizing. Her retirement has partly caused the reduction in income so should OP really find the solution himself by taking on another job (if possible)? or should wife come out of retirement? Or help OP to persuade MIL to contribute more?

There's much more to this than finance as OP sadly thinks that wife will always support MIL over him. ☹️

burner03

Are you actually happy living with your wife and mil OP? Personally I’d find that a deal breaker and be much happier (and wealthier!) on my own in a small apartment. Initiate financial separation!