Organising a funeral during Covid

MoneySeeker1

"Things changing daily" indeed.

That phrase "A week is a long time in politics" has never felt so apt. Thankfully most people are supportive - most ITRW and most online and ignore the rest.

It would be a lot worse for my mother and for myself if we didnt have the rock solid beliefs we have (of a somewhat different variety to each other) but I'm rock-solid in my belief in better life after death and mother believes in the typical Christian heaven.

I've been trying to total up just how long my father has been severely ill and it's been over 30 years of steadily getting worse and worse and worse and I've felt so sorry for this poor old man with very little of a life left and this poor health for the last couple of years and wanted him free of all that. So I'm thankful he now is and he's back to perfect health in a perfect "body" (if of a very different type so to say). It feels like he is smiling again and even having a grin about one or two little plans I have up my sleeve and, all being well, mother is going to find the funeral is a lot better than she thinks it will be so to say and I can even summon up a smile as I make some jokey comment about my father and wave in the direction of the sky with a "All right father?" comment when I'm making some comment about him to anyone and wonder if he knows.

He's probably sitting there grinning at JUST how tuneless a singer I am (considering he was a good singer and entertained people with his singing when he was younger). So he could find that arranged singer had been cancelled and everyone was just listening to him by preference - whereas he must be sitting there and grinning at my total tuneless voice if he spots me breaking out into a loud bout of singing ("We shall overcome" feels appropriate) every time one of "those" adverts (ie Covid stuff) comes up in commercial breaks on tv when I'm trying to watch a bit of escapist stuff to take my mind off the bl**dy virus for once. If I get a sore throat it will be courtesy of all the shouted conversations across the width of a street and/or "drowning out those adverts" with my tuneless singing.

Gers

MoneySeeker1 said:

"Things changing daily" indeed.

That phrase "A week is a long time in politics" has never felt so apt. Thankfully most people are supportive - most ITRW and most online and ignore the rest.

It's lovely to see you eventually realising the severity of the national emergency and the need to be accepting of daily changes to national laws. Hopefully now you won't have to go ballistic if / when the funeral directors have to rearrange matters and no government officials are in danger. 

I offer my support in your bereavement and hope that all goes smoothly for the funeral. 

Pollycat

I'm also sending my condolences to you 74jax.

With your positive attitude you'll get through this.

And your Mam will understand.

MoneySeeker1

Putting words in my mouth here.

I will report back obviously if there are any further problems with holding this funeral - such as it is.

Gers

MoneySeeker1 said:

Putting words in my mouth here.

What words have I put in your mouth? 

You surely can't mean these ones:

My reaction to that if the Government starts saying that would be "Just come here and tell me in person - and see if you live long enough to get back down my road you ****".

That would be SO inhumane it isn't true if it came to it. My mother is in pieces anyway and I'm upset I can't get there. Quite frankly - I'm going to go ballistic if they try and prevent anything 

as they are a direct quote from your posts?  So people will be glad that you've moved away from that position. 

MoneySeeker1

Gers said:

MoneySeeker1 said:

"Things changing daily" indeed.

That phrase "A week is a long time in politics" has never felt so apt. Thankfully most people are supportive - most ITRW and most online and ignore the rest.

It's lovely to see you eventually realising the severity of the national emergency and the need to be accepting of daily changes to national laws.

#puzzled frownie - thought it would be obvious it is these words of yours that are not the case as to how I feel.

I do not "realise the severity" as you put it. I do not "accept" as you put it.

I will report back if there are any further obstacles.

I've never forgotten a work colleague one time that said "I think I speak for us all when I say............xxxxx...." whilst I sat there knowing "There is at least one of us here that you do not speak for".

SingleSue

My uncle unfortunately passed away due to Covid. We were initially worried/concerned/upset that a funeral wouldn't be able to be held at all due to why he died but we can still have a funeral. It is being limited to 20 persons only (it's a large area), all suitably distanced and immediate family only. No touching of the coffin, only one single wreath/flower arrangement which will go with him and not be put out, no hugging obviously and no wake after.

As a family, although we are devastated that we cannot honour him in the way we would have liked, we are also relieved we can have what we are having as it is better than we originally thought. My mum hasn't decided whether she is going as yet because of a couple of reasons, a) I do the driving for them and I am in a different household (this point concerns both of us, I don't mind not being one of the permitted family members to enter the crematorium, in fact I am more comfortable being outside!) and b) Both she and dad are vulnerable as they are over 70 and have underlying issues albeit they are not on the extremely vulnerable list. Mum wants to go but at the same time, the thought scares the life out of her, she is worried about me (I am also at risk), worried about dad and completely torn as to what to do.

As others have said, these are strange times, we have to adapt to it and work within the rules, not just for our own safety but for the safety of others.

MoneySeeker1

Admits this is confusing me SingleSue when you say 20 people are "allowed" at yours - whereas I'd thought it was 10. That being 10 full stop no more (regardless of whereabouts one is in the country etc).

It does make it confusing that it's an obvious thing for funeral directors to do to send an email back once a funeral has been booked and say "Normally we would do x/y/z - but, in current circumstances with Government restrictions, we are instead restricted to doing a/b/c" and specify exactly what people aren't allowed to do currently.

The funeral director I'm using has just muttered vaguely about flowers and said words to effect of "No flowers (with inference it was because people would know the date and might turn up unannounced and making the numbers attending over quota)". He didnt say "No flowers - because no flowers are allowed or only one set of flowers are allowed". So I'm assuming it's no flowers because people won't (ahem...) know the date the flowers are due to be there at the crematorium and not because of "Government says so - regulation laid down".

I'm pretty much finding it impossible to get anything out of him in writing - and hence why I'm having to do such a comprehensive paper trail to get things down in writing and state words to effect of "What we have agreed is x/y/z". Operating in such a "cloud of unknowing" because he is being so vague. If there is any Government restrictions then the only thing I know of is I thought the Government had said "up to 10" and that's the only Government restriction I know of.

MoneySeeker1

Added that funeral director hasnt said to me "No wake afterwards". The wake only isnt happening, afaik, because my brother and his family have said they wouldnt be going to one and I'm not there to organise/attend one - so the only people that would be at it would be my mother and her volunteer carer for the day and hence it would be pointless to have one with only two attending.

Unfortunately, any question of a memorial service later in the year is out of the question - because it would only put my mother through the mill again a 2nd time. That is assuming she is still alive herself - which is not very likely. Add the advanced age group my parents are/were in and so many of their relatives/friends have died by now anyway - so it would be pointless.

Gers

MoneySeeker1 said:

Gers said:

MoneySeeker1 said:

"Things changing daily" indeed.

That phrase "A week is a long time in politics" has never felt so apt. Thankfully most people are supportive - most ITRW and most online and ignore the rest.

It's lovely to see you eventually realising the severity of the national emergency and the need to be accepting of daily changes to national laws.

#puzzled frownie - thought it would be obvious it is these words of yours that are not the case as to how I feel.

I do not "realise the severity" as you put it. I do not "accept" as you put it.

I will report back if there are any further obstacles.

I've never forgotten a work colleague one time that said "I think I speak for us all when I say............xxxxx...." whilst I sat there knowing "There is at least one of us here that you do not speak for".

No - not obvious at all, that sentence leaves me puzzled.

You must have realised the severity of the national emergency laws regarding funerals otherwise why did you threaten to go baliistic if they were applied?  Whether you accept them or not they will apply to you the same way as everyone else.

No need to report any further obstacles  - they will be communicated to the nation via the usual government routes.  FDs will follow them to the letter.