Organising a funeral during Covid

Gers

Are you not moneyistooshorttomention AKA ceridwen? AKA a load of previously banned names?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/70240826#Comment_70240826

Gers

MoneySeeker1 said:

OMG! = as ever - misinterpreted - again. Not surprised...

Mothers property - mothers decision - I do what mother wants (after discussion with her). Now is not the time or the place for that discussion - by anyone.

IF a will emerges that is different to what I expect and father wants mini bequests made now then it will be discussed with my mother about this at that point. If no will emerges - take it as read there arent any mini bequests and she might possibly have a Will of her own later that makes such mini bequests and, if so, they will be duly honoured then.

Not misinterpreted  - again, it's what you said! 

It doesn't matter what you expect, it's not your decision.  If a will exists and it's a valid one then no-one else can alter it, not even your mother as any other bequests he makes are outside of her control, and yours.  She has a legal obligation to do exactly what any will instructs.

If there is no will then that's a different matter.  That's what I said and not what you said.

KxMx

With regards to funeral streaming and facetiming, I have for relatives written out simple but detailled how- to guides if they have an app or technology they are struggling with. I start from a point assuming they know nothing and go from there.

Might your Mum feel more confident using technology if she had a clear, step by step guide beside her ?

It can be posted if necessary. 

cbrown372

MoneySeeker1 said:

On the related topic of I've been hassled by others in the family about a Will.

Is there some logical reason I'm overlooking as to why this is irrelevant now (ie with my mother being alive)?

I very much doubted that there would be a set-down funeral plan by my father anyway (though I've requested some time back that my parents make one out and I can just follow it as they want). So I've worked out for myself, as best I can, how I think mother would want it to be and the officiating (retired) minister has been round to see her (primed by me that I want it to be as she would want). So that's not the issue.

Is there some other reason I ought to be thinking about my fathers Will (or lack of....) now and I'm overlooking it? As it's so blindingly obvious - to me! - that everything is 101% mothers now and no question about it - then I cannot see a reason for concerning myself now (or later) about this. I may be overlooking a reason - but it's not clear to me there is one iyswim.

Generally a will contains the wishes of the deceased person as in what sort of funeral they want, burial or cremation, along with where and to whom any monies, goods and chattels go to, who are the benificiaries and who is to be the executor/s of the will, all of which is relevant and not as you say irrelevant. As you didn't know your sister-in-law was named on the POA maybe you didn't know your father quite so well. The POA of course is now irrelevant since his death but presumably your mother also has one and your sister-in-law holds that too. If a solicitor is an executor of the estate then that will cost the estate in fees and generally where the funeral bills will go.

Savvy_Sue

74jax said:

Her house is locked up and it will remain that way for several months. My coping mechanisms are to be in control. I can plan a funeral, can't sort utilities, can't sort the house. It's limbo. But I take comfort we are 1 of thousands. We can't we really do 'wrong' as it's unprecedented. I just have to go against every fighting instinct I have, and go with the flow.... Be led rather than saddle up and lead. I don't like it, but my goodness I need to look at the positives in anything right now. This thread is useful, people can pick out what they want. 

Just wondering though whether you can't contact the utilities and at least notify them of the death, and see if they can be put onto zero payments, or not chasing for payment? I realise it may be tricky if you don't have account numbers, but my be worth a try. 

I know I was astonished to discover that there was no charge for water from the day mum died, even though it was months before we told them she HAD died because we wanted the water left on, and we could easily pay it. 

Savvy_Sue

MoneySeeker1 said:

On the related topic of I've been hassled by others in the family about a Will.

Is there some logical reason I'm overlooking as to why this is irrelevant now (ie with my mother being alive)?

I very much doubted that there would be a set-down funeral plan by my father anyway (though I've requested some time back that my parents make one out and I can just follow it as they want). So I've worked out for myself, as best I can, how I think mother would want it to be and the officiating (retired) minister has been round to see her (primed by me that I want it to be as she would want). So that's not the issue.

Is there some other reason I ought to be thinking about my fathers Will (or lack of....) now and I'm overlooking it? As it's so blindingly obvious - to me! - that everything is 101% mothers now and no question about it - then I cannot see a reason for concerning myself now (or later) about this. I may be overlooking a reason - but it's not clear to me there is one iyswim.

Yes, there is something you're overlooking. The laws of intestacy do not necessarily leave everything to your mother, even if you might wish that to be the case. If the estate is worth more than £270,000, then it does NOT all go to your mother. Take a look here. And work your way through it. Remember that 'the estate' includes half the value of the house. 

You and your brother can of course do a deed of variation to give it all to your mother, but there may be IHT implications when she dies if you do this. 

gwynlas

Coming back to this thread my condolences to others who have lost family and who have to arrange funerals,
Please remember that this is an unprecedented time and therefore there is no normal. 
Anger is a recognised stage of grieving no matter who it is directed against.
Whilst I still beleive direct cremation is best with a seperate service at a suitable time,when a friends adult soon died recently we where unable to attend but sent a floral arrangement that could be taken away from the crematorium, Our friends took their coffin top spray and his sister took ours home as the crematorium discard flowers every day anyway.
If friends, family and neighbours wish to show respect then the hearse could depart from the deceased persons home with a hymn or prayers as appropriate as described in earlier link.
Our local florists shop is shut but there is a mobile number given for funeral flowers, presumably she would make use of locally available material to make tributes.

74jax

Savvy_Sue said:

74jax said:

Her house is locked up and it will remain that way for several months. My coping mechanisms are to be in control. I can plan a funeral, can't sort utilities, can't sort the house. It's limbo. But I take comfort we are 1 of thousands. We can't we really do 'wrong' as it's unprecedented. I just have to go against every fighting instinct I have, and go with the flow.... Be led rather than saddle up and lead. I don't like it, but my goodness I need to look at the positives in anything right now. This thread is useful, people can pick out what they want. 

Just wondering though whether you can't contact the utilities and at least notify them of the death, and see if they can be put onto zero payments, or not chasing for payment? I realise it may be tricky if you don't have account numbers, but my be worth a try. 

I know I was astonished to discover that there was no charge for water from the day mum died, even though it was months before we told them she HAD died because we wanted the water left on, and we could easily pay it. 

Thank you it doesn't really matter if they chase for payment as it would go to her house and so the post won't be collected for a couple of months until we can get over, if that makes sence. I've tried BT but it was ridiculously hard to get through, most are struggling to get through to arrange payment holidays etc due to the current climate, its a really hard situation. Once I spoke to someone they just said to wait for a death cert.... That could be weeks, so I know I can't do anything immediately.
I'm thinking if doing everything either via email or post. 
I've spoken to Halifax and a simple close of inomings and outgoings can be done over the phone with the bereavement dept then full closure in a few months. 
I have a copy of will already, so I can get letters drafted etc. so I'm ready, just can't follow through at the moment. 

Gers

74jax said:

Thank you it doesn't really matter if they chase for payment as it would go to her house and so the post won't be collected for a couple of months until we can get over, if that makes sence. I've tried BT but it was ridiculously hard to get through, most are struggling to get through to arrange payment holidays etc due to the current climate, its a really hard situation. Once I spoke to someone they just said to wait for a death cert.... That could be weeks, so I know I can't do anything immediately.
I'm thinking if doing everything either via email or post. 
I've spoken to Halifax and a simple close of inomings and outgoings can be done over the phone with the bereavement dept then full closure in a few months. 
I have a copy of will already, so I can get letters drafted etc. so I'm ready, just can't follow through at the moment. 

You could arrange for mail redirection so that mail comes to your address.  I currently have this in operation.  If you click here you'll get to the relevant information and application form from RM.

The only catch is that this must be done at a Post Office or by post but it's such a good service. At least you'll then be aware of any post.

Keep a record of any utilities you may pay as this can be reimbursed from the estate.  A good spreadsheet is perfect along with paper / scanned records.

It's a difficult enough time without the restrictions being imposed during this time of national emergency.  My heart goes out to you.

PS - and keep a record of payment for the redirection service as this is also an estate cost rather than a personal one.

pickledonionspaceraider

I dont know any of the answers Moneyseeker, but wanted to say I am very sorry to hear this that your father has passed away.
My condolences