Organising a funeral during Covid

MoneySeeker1

More makeshift arrangements of today - re the flowers.

My mother being so traditional - she would expect wreaths all round. Couldn't find the remotest chance of finding a wreath to send to her. It then proved extremely difficult to find a way to send as much as a bunch of flowers by post to her.

In the end - the best I could do in that respect was to think "Well if Am*zon seems to sell everything else...." and I just about scraped through to get one of the last bunches of flowers available of the reasonably suitable ones I found on there and that will be delivered to my mothers house and what she does with them (keeps them/shares them with him/etc) is up to her.

JGB1955

MoneySeeker1 said:

 Couldn't find the remotest chance of finding a wreath to send to her. It then proved extremely difficult to find a way to send as much as a bunch of flowers by post to her.

I believe M & S are still doing next day delivery of flowers, although whether any of them would be suitable is another matter.... they certainly do 'sympathy' bouquets/arrangements  Probably too late for your purposes but someone else may read this thread in the future and the information may be of use..

MoneySeeker1

I tried to phone M & S and place order - as I'm used to doing for things - but their orderline is closed at the moment. So I drew a blank personally there - but it would be a possibility for anyone that orders online.

It's true that the useful posts on this thread (ie most of them) will be a useful resource for others trying to work this sort of thing out and they can just filter out the ones that aren't.

Gers

MoneySeeker1 said:

I tried to phone M & S and place order - as I'm used to doing for things - but their orderline is closed at the moment. So I drew a blank personally there - but it would be a possibility for anyone that orders online.

It's true that the useful posts on this thread (ie most of them) will be a useful resource for others trying to work this sort of thing out and they can just filter out the ones that aren't.

Why on earth do you not order online? You're obviously well used to working your way around the internet.
 https://www.marksandspencer.com/l/flowers-and-plants/flowers-by-occasion/sympathy-flowers There's a whole host of flowers available. 

I would hope that every post here has been helpful to someone or other. 

Whilst I have great sympathy for your loss I have none for your attitude towards others, most of whom are struggling to survive in these challenging times. 'Going ballistic'.  Threatening legal action if arrangements have to be changed. So you are grieving, that doesn't exempt you from decency and respect towards others. 

MoneySeeker1

Pointing out again - for 2nd and final time - it was my parents neighbours (not me) going ballistic and me pacifying them as best possible. Don't want to perpetuate any myths about me having said what I have not said at all.

As stated anyway - most of the thread will be useful to others and they can just skim swiftly posts that have no use to them at all.

Gers

MoneySeeker1 said:

My parents extremely good neighbours are also going ballistic enough at what I'm telling them about how the arrangements are and I can see them "having 40 fits" as well as me if the FD does do the "tell me in writing" thing that things are going to be even worse.

Goodness knows FD's must be anticipating that written instructions constitute binding contract and they'd be in legal schtuck if they didnt fulfil the contract as agreed in writing. Hence part of the reason I can't see the Government trying to put stoppers on any funerals already in process (and the proof is there that they are and there is a binding contract) - as they won't want legal cases or anything going on about aborted contracts.

Pointing out again - for 2nd and final time - it was my parents neighbours (not me) going ballistic and me pacifying them as best possible. Don't want to perpetuate any myths about me having said what I have not said at all.                                                                                                                              As stated anyway - most of the thread will be useful to others and they can just skim swiftly posts that have no use to them at all.

And here's another time pointing out exactly what you said - you may like to forget what you wrote or ignore it blithley but it's there.  'Also' means 'as well as' which you wrote too.  And then talking about legal cases over aborted contracts. 

As I said, all posts here are helpful in their own way. 

Gers

MoneySeeker1 said:

lisyloo said:

My MIL died on Monday, we were told currently (Monday 6/4) there were max 10 mourners in our area (bath) but that it was expected to go to zero within days.

Crikey - I do hope not!

It's bad enough as things stand at present. My father is basically a sociable sort of person and I would (in normal times) take the view that "Anyone who wants to come comes - and welcome" and it's very hard to be so restricted in numbers as this as it is.

My reaction to that if the Government starts saying that would be "Just come here and tell me in person - and see if you live long enough to get back down my road you ****".

That would be SO inhumane it isn't true if it came to it. My mother is in pieces anyway and I'm upset I can't get there. Quite frankly - I'm going to go ballistic if they try and prevent anything and my mother is likely to keel over and that's her "gone" in the process. It would be just "shovelling bodies away - and forgetting there were human beings inside them and there are human beings left behind". I do hope that's just nasty kite-flying by one of the arguing Ministers that has just set out to put the frighteners on people in advance of the Bank Holiday anticipated warm weather.

Oops - missed out this one too... think that's even plainer what you said. Let's add in threatening behaviour too.

tooldle

My dad had a ‘direct’ funeral. No persons present. Far easier i think for all concerned. It was his choice to have things this way. Often people get caught up in traditions and expected behaviours, without stopping to think what would really be best. As to costs, i knew the base price of the funeral well before the event, but mum wanted a flower in the coffin and the funeral director could not confirm the exact cost until that particular flower had been provided i.e. the morning of the funeral. 
The invoice didn’t arrive until after the event. This i believe is quite common. Take the pressure off yourself. Forget about what others expect, and focus only on what is possible and reasonable to expect in the circumstances. I wish you well. 

74jax

My mam died yesterday. Unfortunately we can't have a church service, but are hoping we can at least get the graveside to see her lowered. 
Our FD was amazing, I live 2hrs away, as does my brother but in the other direction. 
In an ideal world I'd like my husband with me, but not sure I can justify him in the car with me... We have been told immediate family only graveside, we have informed friends / family. 
I plan on creating an online 'something'. My brother will speak, we will have a hymm to videos I have etc. Just something so people feel an 'end' that a funeral can bring. 
I have been told the medical cert will be emailed to registrar, a death cert will be created and posted out. It is not an appointment. 
Her house is locked up and it will remain that way for several months. My coping mechanisms are to be in control. I can plan a funeral, can't sort utilities, can't sort the house. It's limbo. But I take comfort we are 1 of thousands. We can't we really do 'wrong' as it's unprecedented. I just have to go against every fighting instinct I have, and go with the flow.... Be led rather than saddle up and lead. I don't like it, but my goodness I need to look at the positives in anything right now. This thread is useful, people can pick out what they want. 
I've had amazing support. My FD said things are changing daily, I have such compassion for him, he sounded so sad. He said it's his job to support families at this time and he feels distant. He is having to tell people, no they cannot attend. 
He said to me mam will be with him this weekend, not to worry about that. And when she is, she will be treated the way she deserves. Nothing changes. And that was just what I needed in this uncertain time. My thoughts go to everyone in this situation, at this terribly sad time. 

Gers

74jax said:

My mam died yesterday. Unfortunately we can't have a church service, but are hoping we can at least get the graveside to see her lowered. 
Our FD was amazing, I live 2hrs away, as does my brother but in the other direction. 
In an ideal world I'd like my husband with me, but not sure I can justify him in the car with me... We have been told immediate family only graveside, we have informed friends / family. 
I plan on creating an online 'something'. My brother will speak, we will have a hymm to videos I have etc. Just something so people feel an 'end' that a funeral can bring. 
I have been told the medical cert will be emailed to registrar, a death cert will be created and posted out. It is not an appointment. 
Her house is locked up and it will remain that way for several months. My coping mechanisms are to be in control. I can plan a funeral, can't sort utilities, can't sort the house. It's limbo. But I take comfort we are 1 of thousands. We can't we really do 'wrong' as it's unprecedented. I just have to go against every fighting instinct I have, and go with the flow.... Be led rather than saddle up and lead. I don't like it, but my goodness I need to look at the positives in anything right now. This thread is useful, people can pick out what they want. 
I've had amazing support. My FD said things are changing daily, I have such compassion for him, he sounded so sad. He said it's his job to support families at this time and he feels distant. He is having to tell people, no they cannot attend. 
He said to me mam will be with him this weekend, not to worry about that. And when she is, she will be treated the way she deserves. Nothing changes. And that was just what I needed in this uncertain time. My thoughts go to everyone in this situation, at this terribly sad time. 

What a fabulous post in the most trying of times.  My condolences to you and your family. 

You and the FD are doing mutual supporting, I'm sure he's highly appreciative of your understanding of his legal obligations whilst doing his best for your mam.  He sounds great.

It must be heartbreaking for you, however just because the funeral isn't as expected or wanted the love is still pouring out of your post.  Your mam had that in her life.