Organising a funeral during Covid

MoneySeeker1

After that comment re possible high cost of video link - have just this second sent off an email with various points to FD - including wording that makes it plain I've not yet firmly agreed to that, but am awaiting information from him re cost. Thanks for that - just protected us from him saying "All fixed - that'll be £500 please!".

Savvy_Sue

SevenOfNine said:
I know without a shadow of a doubt that several areas have locked their cemeteries. Simply & suddenly "no entry" & gates padlocked. What for? Hardly parks or known picnic areas! 

Hopefully there will be no change for the funeral, as if it's not bad enough.

that will be down to the local council: ours has done the same, but we have a number of very large and rambling cemeteries in which you can almost get lost, lots to explore. I don't know about a picnic area, but there is certainly a cafe (no longer open, I'm sure, but might have gone to takeaway service only).

The cost of the funeral has very little relationship to the number of people attending. The only obvious correlation is that you may have more cars for a larger affair. 

MoneySeeker1

I'm not aware of any particular problems with any cemeteries or crematoriums in the city where this is. The only thing I'm aware of is a few homeless people kipping out somewhat in a small graveyard adjacent to an Anglican church - and they don't seem to be particularly "troublesome" and so the vicar turns a studious blind eye to it as far as I can see and neither "side" seems to create any trouble for the other. There is also a church of another denomination and their minister?/pastor? has set things up those in the community that need the use of the garden space to get it anyway and the garden is open to all. The crematorium concerned has large attractive grounds and people can/do walk through (in duly respectful fashion in the major part of it) - as it is one of the walks around there. Things basically do work out in a very tolerant/"live and let live" fashion and respect basically shown all round there.

strawb_shortcake

Our local crematorium is quite big, but they've limited it to 8 guests maximum, not sure if it's family only. Its unprecedented times and councils, funeral directors and crematoriums will be taking whatever necessary steps they need to protect their staff. Going ballistic at anyone isn't going to get them to change their minds on how they operate. 
We had a close family friend die alone from covid 19 this week, the hospital facilitated a call for him to phone his wife in the early hours to say good bye. The family have been told 8 attendees at the service, though this is always subject to change. They will follow up with a memorial service later in the year when restrictions are lifted. It's not what anyone really wants but circumstances dictate that is a necessity.
My Husband on the other hand has said he wants a direct cremation when his time comes, the idea of a funeral without the fuss appeals to him massively.

I am sorry for your loss and the position you find yourself, but difficult decisions are made for the safety of others and not to annoy and frustrate mourners.

MoneySeeker1

I think some people have misread my posts - it is my parents neighbours that are "going ballistic" and I am the one on the receiving end and trying to pacify them as well!!!!

So that's todays things -
1.  people misreading my posts here.
2. I still don't have a written breakdown of costs from the FD (so I've had to send him an email asking him for the info. in writing he was due to provide me with of likely parts of the funeral/likely cost/what discount there is likely to be for any "missing bits" on the one hand v. extra for video link or whatever on the other hand).
3. ensuring there is clear written proof that the rest of the family (who live much nearer than I do and have a car - so can drive there) are on "allowed" business and not a holiday jaunt - now that I've checked Govt info that they definitely are "allowed" for essential travel purposes.

Fingers crossed there won't be any other things coming up today.

A memorial service later in the year is highly likely to prove not possible in the event - as I think we are all going to be very surprised if my mother would still be alive for it and it would obviously be basically for her benefit. 

Saipan

MoneySeeker1 said:

lisyloo said:

My MIL died on Monday, we were told currently (Monday 6/4) there were max 10 mourners in our area (bath) but that it was expected to go to zero within days.

Crikey - I do hope not!

It's bad enough as things stand at present. My father is basically a sociable sort of person and I would (in normal times) take the view that "Anyone who wants to come comes - and welcome" and it's very hard to be so restricted in numbers as this as it is.

My reaction to that if the Government starts saying that would be "Just come here and tell me in person - and see if you live long enough to get back down my road you ****".

That would be SO inhumane it isn't true if it came to it. My mother is in pieces anyway and I'm upset I can't get there. Quite frankly - I'm going to go ballistic if they try and prevent anything and my mother is likely to keel over and that's her "gone" in the process. It would be just "shovelling bodies away - and forgetting there were human beings inside them and there are human beings left behind". I do hope that's just nasty kite-flying by one of the arguing Ministers that has just set out to put the frighteners on people in advance of the Bank Holiday anticipated warm weather.

I don't think I am misreading what you have posted here - that you are the person who is 'going to go ballistic'.

It is incredibly hard to deal with the death of a loved one at the best of times, and this is the worst time that the vast majority of us will have experienced in our lifetime.  I am very sorry for your loss, and for the loss that so many others are having to deal with, including some I know who have lost family members to Covid-19 under dreadful circumstances that in normal times would be unthinkable.
  
However, these are not normal times and emergency legislative powers are designed to protect the rights of the majority to stay safe, not the rights of any individual who might disagree with the changes these new powers bring - the usual rules simply do not apply.  Funeral Directors will act as they have been directed, in accordance with legal requirements, and, frankly, will not take what they consider to be unnecessary risks with their own and their families' lives, no matter who 'goes ballistic'.  I fear that if you or your neighbours behave in this way, FDs will refuse to work with you. 
     

Gers

MoneySeeker1 said:

So, unless he tells me in writing that he is being made to change that - then it isn't changed and those 6 are attending.

My parents extremely good neighbours are also going ballistic enough at what I'm telling them about how the arrangements are and I can see them "having 40 fits" as well as me if the FD does do the "tell me in writing" thing that things are going to be even worse.

Goodness knows FD's must be anticipating that written instructions constitute binding contract and they'd be in legal schtuck if they didnt fulfil the contract as agreed in writing. Hence part of the reason I can't see the Government trying to put stoppers on any funerals already in process (and the proof is there that they are and there is a binding contract) - as they won't want legal cases or anything going on about aborted contracts.

You're going to have "40 fits"  if arrangments change because of any changes to regulations? 

You're threatening legal action on FDs who would have no option to change arrangements if further restrictive regulations came into force????

Entitled and aggressive - I pity the poor FDs who have to work with you.  You could have arrangements written in blood - if regulations change because of this national emergency then you can go whistle! No-one's going to jeopardise their business and a potential criminal conviction to accommodate you.

Sheesh kebab!

MoneySeeker1

Thank you to those that came on to make genuine helpful comments.

Pollycat

MoneySeeker1 said:

Thank you to those that came on to make genuine helpful comments.

I think it sometimes helps to get perspective.

Ganga

MoneySeeker1 said:

Thank you to those that came on to make genuine helpful comments.

But no thanks to the others who told the truth