Organising a funeral during Covid

SevenOfNine

I think it's the mourners who might have a problem with hymn singing! When there are loads of people there two thirds mime (I'm one of those), most of the rest sing out of tune & too slow. The 4 or 5 left (which includes the minister/celebrant) usually do their best in a self conscious sort of way.

As covid dictates numbers are severely limited give some thought to 'time for reflection' music instead perhaps. Something beautiful, or meaningful to your mum & dad, or a favourite singer/band of your dads. Time To Say Goodbye, a stunning song, we chose Il Divo for a more masculine sound, but Katherine Jenkins, Sarah Brightman & many others have recorded it.  BUT, it's start isn't in English, though when it switches languages it's just a lovely sound, if your mum wouldn't be confused by that.  Eg. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e97rtp4RPqA

Or maybe a recording of some hymns sung by a choir?  I don't know of a crematorium that doesn't have a huge choice of music, hymns as well, your FD will help with that for sure.  We had poems read instead of prayers.....but then it was a completely non religious funeral.

Glad you've found a helper, I can see why your mum wants to go but does need someone to help her manage that. The drive past would be lovely if some of the neighbours are outside, I'm sure your mum would be touched.  Not sure if flowers are allowed, they are at our crem, but they're being a whole lot more sensitive with the balance between social/safe distancing & compassion for mourners than some crems.

Good luck with it all.
PS eek! Apologies, a 'link' to the music just as an example has turned into a link on a blo ody great poster thing....sorry. this new MSE has a mind of its own.

lisyloo

My MIL died on Monday, we were told currently (Monday 6/4) there were max 10 mourners in our area (bath) but that it was expected to go to zero within days.

Robin9

It may be that crems are having difficulty in getting organists at this time - however many will have a very comprehensive media centre for recordsing like Seven of Nine suggested above. IMO I would want Sarah Brightman and not 5 or 6 struggling through the verses and choruses of All Things Bright and Beautiful.

KxMx

I'm afraid in Italy funerals were banned some time ago, severe restrictions in Spain. 

A natural consequence of pandemics unfortunately. 

I have to say I've told my family if I go I want a direct cremation, ashes returned to them and scattered somewhere natural, a memorial service somewhere down the line if they want.
IF by such a time funerals are even an option! 

Many in my family are vunerable and I don't want anyone at all even non vulnerable put at risk on my behalf.

I am sorry the sad situation of losing your father has  been made so much more difficult 

JGB1955

I think the ban on attending cremations is already in place in some areas ... Yeovil Crematorium has closed for all but 'direct' cremations.

MoneySeeker1

This is a bigger crematorium than many and so fingers crossed.

It may be that if the Government makes things even worse that what they will do is get awkward/ban people from any future funerals that haven't yet been arranged I'm guessing and not affect ones that are already arranged.

I gather that's what they did with house purchases - so a lot of solicitors promptly rushed through Exchange of Contracts (because the Government couldnt stop it proceeding once it had got that far - courtesy of all the legal cases that would be likely to arise). So it may be that the Government might think along lines of "That funeral in x is a 'new' one that has come up since we made things even worse" but "That funeral in y is an "existing" one that has already been arranged and it can proceed as per existing arrangement".

I have the "paper trail" of emails to and from the FD, complete with list of the (six) people that will be attending - and these could be printed off if need be to prove it's an "existing" one already in process.

Maybe in a month or more time they might start resorting to really inhumane "shovel the bodies away and forget they are people" approach?

It's true there has been a lot of misinformation going on. I've lost count of just how often people have been up there on the Internet saying "It's one HOUR a day exercise", when it's actually "One exercise a day" (the word "hour" isn't written in that sentence).

-taff

Well, there's the thinking that it's inhumane to deny funeral attendees but thanks to the way the virus works then you won't know if you've caught it or not, or if it's on any surface you may touch or sit on. I personally, think it's not very humane to go to an event now and have that possibility hanging over your head. I wouldn't want myself or my loved ones to be exposed to a  very painful death. And yes, I am speaking as someone who has lost a loved one recently and cannot attend due to the distances involved and being told to stay at home.

If thw orst should happen to me, I want to be cremated with no one around, and then they can do what they like with my ahses, stick them in the garden if they want to, and then have a very big night out when all this over. I won't care if no one is there because I won't be.

Flugelhorn

The whole thing is very hard - people not being there at the death / not seeing the deceased person  and potentially now, not seeing the coffin - can lead to a disbelief that they have died, can go on for some time and affect grieving. I was neither present at my mother's death or saw her after death or indeed didn't see the coffin (because it was a direct cremation)  - had a few moments of "did it really happen?" - "well they have given me a death cert, so it must have"  - there was closure for all after interring the ashes a 6 weeks  and having a service then.
I hope that small services are soon allowed for people who want to be there 

northwest1965

I would check to make sure anyone is allowed to go. My brother in law died in Bradford and they are not allowing people in. My dad died last week and his is a burial. This is immediate family only 2metres apart

MoneySeeker1

The FD told me verbally a few days back "Up to 10 (full stop)" and no specifications as to who that 10 are.

I've told him back in writing (copy kept) that there will be 6 and who those 6 are exactly.

So, unless he tells me in writing that he is being made to change that - then it isn't changed and those 6 are attending.

All will be carefully shielding and, indeed the volunteer, taking my mother is going to be in full protective rigout and my brother and his family will be staying regulation distance apart from her and not sharing same car.

My parents extremely good neighbours are also going ballistic enough at what I'm telling them about how the arrangements are and I can see them "having 40 fits" as well as me if the FD does do the "tell me in writing" thing that things are going to be even worse.

Goodness knows FD's must be anticipating that written instructions constitute binding contract and they'd be in legal schtuck if they didnt fulfil the contract as agreed in writing. Hence part of the reason I can't see the Government trying to put stoppers on any funerals already in process (and the proof is there that they are and there is a binding contract) - as they won't want legal cases or anything going on about aborted contracts.