Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

orlandomum

thorsoak said:

I'm sorry - I just would not allow an 11 year old to sleep outside, on her own, in a shed.   

I wondered about that too.

Savvy_sewing

She is 12, but as we have motion sensor on the door, the garden has 6ft high fences, and the gate is bolted. We also have motion sensor lights so I think that it is ok.
 I am up and check on her when I heat the boys bottle. ( which is 1.30ish, 3.30-4, and I am sure she's fine).

I used to camp in a tent in my garden.
if we give in to fear of what might happen then our children will have no life or feeling of adventure.
We are also surrounded by dogs who bark at anything and everything.

I have made carrot cake from thrifty Leslies website today, and what with making rice crispy cake yesterday, I think I will have enough snack things for several days.
Biggest stopped me off potato, she bought a 25kg bag at a veg stall in her town, and some fruit too and dropped it off at the door.
dS did my Mums shopping for her, and dropped it off. He brought me over some milk and wine. So that's us sorted.

thorsoak

I too used to sleep in a tent in my garden when I was 12 - but it was a different world then :-(  and there were no social media devices where the world can come in to you without your parents' knowledge or consent - all I had was a torch with a dodgy battery and Enid Blyton books - and the family labrador in with me.    Children grow up far more quickly today as well - puberty sets in at an earlier age and whilst they may mature physically, they are not any more mature mentally than was I at 12 - although they think that they are.    You say she was face-timing her friends - do you know all her friends on social media?    She complains about being bullied - is she being bullied on line - I know now that five years ago my DGD was being bullied on line by girls from her school - so called "lovely girls" were the catalyst for the onset of anorexia.    I would be very concerned for DGD, given the history of her mum and twin aunt when they were two or three years older than her.    

trix-a-belle

SS why is DS going out doing things like shopping for your mum etc if the GFs girls had got symptoms last sunday/monday and the whole household should therefore be self isolating for 14 days? He may be social distancing when doing so but the advice is clear that if anyone in the household has symptoms the whole household should be self isolating and only leaving the house for exercise where they must social distance, food & medicine should be getting delivered to them.

pollyanna_26

Savvy_sewing said:

She has left her other devices in the house, but I hadn't taken the phone off her, however she's now run out of data so that might shift her.
 I am just not getting through to her!
of course all this will delay the counselling I suppose.
school have just called me to see how I am doing and to tell me that next week I am able to get the lunches for Dgs1 in a boxin Monday for the week. 

This is what you said on Thursday. Telling dgd to get up and do some school work because her shed was out of bounds unless she did might have got through to her.

I've no idea how much work school have given her but in this area it mainly involves revision of the work done this academic year and some other bits and pieces possibly things a pupil may have struggled with. At most it probably adds up to at most an average school  day but spread across the week.  It will be April in a few days . No one can predict when schools will reopen but it not looking likely for a while. She is not on holiday she;s supposed to make an effort. It will be the easter holidays soon but this academic year will be short compared to others. Whatever work she's given she needs to do or fall further behind and not want to go back to school as she did when she wasn't doing her homework.

I remember her saying she wanted to be a Marine Biologist. How will she get from the present situation to good grade gcse passes to enable her to study for a minimum of 3 appropriate A Levels to get her accepted by Uni for what is a complex degree course?

Allowing her to hang out in her shed isn't going to help. Letting her ignore what she should be doing is enabling her to waste valuable time and ignore the adult. It's the same road her uncle has followed and it hasn't helped him.

Those "nice girls" Thorsoak mentioned were the reason I withdrew my dd from school It took two long inpatient stays in an adolescent eating disorders unit miles from home to even begin to tackle the damage they did Sometimes Ss we have to be the grownup.Hopefully dgd hasn't encountered the predatory males who can spot a vulnerable youngster a mile off. I'm all for fun and adventure in life but we have to do the job of guiding these youngsters to adulthood and that means not allowing them drift along only to regret it in the future. You've said a number of times you wish you'd been firmer with your son . I really hope you wont be saying the same thing about dgd some time in the future. She's still a child and you need to monitor her phone and gadgets. I wish I had. Like it or not she needs to do the school work before anything else otherwise she'll not be wanting to go to school when it reopens.

pollyx.

hb2

I think I would be more worried about unsupervised internet access than sleeping in a (well protected) shed, per se.

thorsoak

Ss, it may seem that we are all "ganging up" on you - we are not.   It is said that the onlooker sees more of the game, and it is just that.   We, who have been your supporters for so many years, can see history repeating itself - and you are so busy, trying to keep all the plates in the air, that you can miss the signals.    Hope you can get this little madam back on track again.     By the way - what tips do you have to calm down tantrums????    Here, twin 2 (who will be 2 in April) will carefully lay down on the floor -and then go into meltdown.   Twin 1 then watches - and decides to throw herself down - and do the same.    I'm advising taking twin 1 away when twin 2 starts - and ignore twin 2....but is this a good way?   Out of my depth!

pollyanna_26

thorsoak my middle daughter took the terrible twos to a pretty high level. Her tantrums were crowd stopping. She never did them at home but would fling herself on the floor usually in Boots or Woolworths. They were large shops and I think the bigger audience appealed to her. Eventually I started walking away and hiding behind a pillar very near but out of her view. She was already known to the staff due to said tantrums , I'd watch until the penny dropped and she realised the audience she wanted wasn;t there. She;d stop screaming and start looking around. At that point I'd go to her as though nothing had happened and carry on shopping. A few times I had to catch the eye of a new member of staff rushing to her rescue and shake my head. She soon grew out of it.

With two in meltdown I'd agree with you , move the copier out of sight of the instigator and wait for the storm to pass. The lack of attention does the trick.

pollyx 

Savvy_sewing

pollyanna_26 said:

thorsoak my middle daughter took the terrible twos to a pretty high level. Her tantrums were crowd stopping. She never did them at home but would fling herself on the floor usually in Boots or Woolworths. They were large shops and I think the bigger audience appealed to her. Eventually I started walking away and hiding behind a pillar very near but out of her view. She was already known to the staff due to said tantrums , I'd watch until the penny dropped and she realised the audience she wanted wasn;t there. She;d stop screaming and start looking around. At that point I'd go to her as though nothing had happened and carry on shopping. A few times I had to catch the eye of a new member of staff rushing to her rescue and shake my head. She soon grew out of it.

With two in meltdown I'd agree with you , move the copier out of sight of the instigator and wait for the storm to pass. The lack of attention does the trick.

pollyx 

I did this with my twins, and Dgd when she was little.
 I separate the boys.
 If Dgs1 is having a tantrum I tend to raise my eyebrows at him, and say that he's not going to win and walk away. Unless he is hitting his head then I will try to restrain him by sitting behind him and holding him until he calms. 

I have put my foot down and having a problem with Dgd and I have told her enough is enough. 

She wanted a season on Amazon prime and I have refused until she gets back in the school work etc
so she's stamping about at the moment.
that does show her immaturity at the moment.

she talks to two girls from her class. She occasionally talks to two other boys when on the Xbox. But she's not been on the Xbox this week.

ReDS he is wearing gloves and distancing himself. Although I think it was an excuse to to stay away to be honest.

trix-a-belle

Savvy_sewing said:

ReDS he is wearing gloves and distancing himself. Although I think it was an excuse to to stay away to be honest.

It doesn't matter if it is just an excuse to stay away, the girls had symptoms therefore the procedure if there to follow. I'm sorry but this is why this horrible thing is still spreading, people are still doing what they fancy and not following the advice, he shouldn't just be staying away from you, DGD & the boys he should be staying in the GFs house with them and not going near anyone not even for shopping. Tough love here but I know you'd be devastated if your mum got it, it may not be it that the girls have but why is he taking this risk

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/self-isolation-advice/
"Do not leave your home if you have symptoms of coronavirus (COVID-19) or live with someone who does.

This is called self-isolation.

If you are self-isolating, you must:

• not leave your home for any reason, other than to exercise once a day – but stay at least 2 metres (3 steps) away from other people
• not go out to buy food or collect medicine – order them by phone or online, or ask someone else to drop them off at your home
• not have visitors, such as friends and family, in your home

You can use your garden, if you have one."