Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

SingleSue

Savvy_Sue said:

SingleSue said:

Again, only my experience so feel free to ignore/I could be way off base. I found that a lot of people would try to put the behaviour down to attention seeking, it wasn't and dealing with it as such only made things worse. 

I absolutely agree with you there, which may surprise you! Although it wasn't so much with DS1, who was later diagnosed with Aspergers. I just found that ignoring DS2's tantrums did not help at all: if I ignored them, they went on and on, and if I got close and whispered and sang to him, he'd stop - mainly because he'd beg me to stop singing, and I'd only stop singing when he stopped tantruming!

I know this makes me sound confused and contradictory, but it's possibly a case of working out what is attention seeking, and working out what attention should be paid to it - because, let's face it, children need attention and they sometimes have to attract ours! - and what is normal noisy farts-are-so-funny behaviour, and what is I-am-making-a-big-fuss-for-a-good-reason-I-can't-express. 

Actually, the thing I found that went against all the conventional advice with DS1 was the 'ignore the behaviour you don't want, praise the behaviour you do want'. As soon as he learned the word 'patronising', he told me that's what I was being. Until then, if I said how nicely he was playing, he'd immediately stop playing nicely ... 

It's nice to find someone who doesn't look at me as if I have two heads when I am saying this stuff  After I made the post, I went to the loo and thought, begger, I needed to add trial and experience to work out which was which and yes, I got it wrong a few times and excused the behaviour as being down to their autism when it was when they were just being silly/a child or ignored behaviour when it was down to their autism and boy did I pay the price each time.

Youngest was one you couldn't praise at all, he would destroy everything he had just done as he absolutely hated the attention, more upsetting was if he got a boo boo, you couldn't comfort him, you couldn't get within 3 feet of him, you couldn't talk to him...it went completely outside of what you would normally do with a child. Imagine trying to tell a school about that, it was hard for them too but it was what youngest wanted/needed as he was so sensitive to touch and closeness it was painful for him.

He will cuddle now (years of work) but on his terms and he still prefers to cuddle the cat than a human.

hb2

Savvy_Sue said:

I absolutely agree with you there, which may surprise you! Although it wasn't so much with DS1, who was later diagnosed with Aspergers. I just found that ignoring DS2's tantrums did not help at all: if I ignored them, they went on and on, and if I got close and whispered and sang to him, he'd stop - mainly because he'd beg me to stop singing, and I'd only stop singing when he stopped tantruming!

Love it! 

(edited formatting)

trix-a-belle

SS are you on the normal youtube app? there is a youtube kids one which is supposed to make it more controllable for little eye viewing

Savvy_sewing

trix-a-belle said:

SS are you on the normal youtube app? there is a youtube kids one which is supposed to make it more controllable for little eye viewing

We have them on the kids one, but when we are not looking then he tends to open up my other apps. Unfortunately I bought him a tablet but Dgs2 smashed the screen. 

thorsoak

:-(   Sounds as if you are going to have to supervise screen time completely :-( 

Redlady.....

Your dgc are probably too young for this because of the apps on the home page, but having two laptops and a phone I found laptops too cumbersome, and phone screen too small, so I bought an Amazon Fire 7 £40.00.  I love it for me, Youtube, internet, books, both audible and written word, and throw in Alexa who takes me to any radio station I wish for, and reads my books to me while I'm busy doing something else. Battery life not bad either. I know there are people on here who probably get a lot more and would set it up better than me but maybe worth a look. 

Savvy_sewing

I have an amazon fire -somewhere- 
I can't find it at the moment which is frustrating. 

I had some good news today, after doing a means test on my finances the Guardian funding for Dgd has been assessed and for the first time in a long time they have actually decided to put it up instead of reducing it.
so I am going to get an extra £76 a week. 

That's a huge difference! Over 50% increase.  Just got to wait for it to come through, which will be handy as she needs to have a complete new wardrobe of clothes as she's grown so much she's bigger than me and can't borrow my things. All the clothes she got at Christmas etc are far too small. 

It will also then help me to pay for some drum lessons and horse riding lessons that she's wanted to do. 

Biggest came to work today but we spent all morning constructing the replacement gazebo. It was far too hot even with the fan on in the cabin, so it was a better use of our time. DS messaged he is sick so I had to stop and get DGS1 from School at 1pm.
 The paddling pool has been moved and we have the slide going into it.
 I am doing dinner, spaghetti Bolognese  and Then I will have to pop out to get Dgs2 from nursery before 6pm
its the one long day he stays as I used to babysit for biggest when she taught dancing. Which may be a while until that's back up and running.
I had another call from some department or other about the boys and two workers are coming to see me on Tuesday morning about what they can or cannot do to help me with them. 

LadyHarris

I have to question why these small infant school aged children are being given electrical items with availability to a whole world of inappropriate media they should have colouring  play dough cars trains  or some other items to play with we all managed before they were around and as young as they are they can do without them . I see DS is ill yet again did he go to the doctor  he was supposed to go a few weeks ago he seems to be ill a lot . Glad DGS money has gone up but maybe the lessons could be for when she has done her homework ,tidied up and gone to school on time to reward her as an incentive ? 

Artytarty

Doesnt the boys other Granny  have horses?
any chance dgd could get a feel for the big beasts first, round there?
I know it's not HER granny.

Redlady.....

Wow, another sanctimonious attention seeker who chooses to display her smugness by passing judgement on a person she doesn't know. Unbelievable.
What gives you the right to ask personal questions about someone elses child?