Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

beanielou

I dont envy you.
I have no idea what to suggest.
Sorry.

LadyHarris

Savvy I don't know what you let the boys watch on TV and Internet we stopped my daughter watching those trashy american shows for juniors as the language and behaviour was not at all what we expected or allowed we noticed a difference very quickly  

thorsoak

Trying to remember - were they with other grandmother/mother this weekend?    What would they have eaten?   Sweetners in squash - and of course in coca cola etc - always wound my grandson up.    Look at diet as well, Ss.    I know that you are controlling TV - could you threaten to take away special programmes if they misbehave?   dgs2 might be too young, but dgs 1 shouldn't be - or is it a case of choose your battles wisely?    

Savvy_sewing

thorsoak said:

Trying to remember - were they with other grandmother/mother this weekend?    What would they have eaten?   Sweetners in squash - and of course in coca cola etc - always wound my grandson up.    Look at diet as well, Ss.    I know that you are controlling TV - could you threaten to take away special programmes if they misbehave?   dgs2 might be too young, but dgs 1 shouldn't be - or is it a case of choose your battles wisely?    

Probably a bit of both.!
We usually end up with Paw Patrol or Blaze and the monster machines on the tv, or Ryan's mystery play date. 

It is definitely with origins from watching Daddy's Xbox even though he didn't realise they were I think. It is also very likely that it's YouTube as Dgs1 will flick around and come off of the kids version and start with Izzys toy time, but then YouTube has a way of bringing up other things, so I am constantly checking what he is doing. I was horrified to see that an app called Rodeblox was a mixture of games including some violent piggy. I have deleted it from my iPhones and kindle. Something that Daddy had let him play on, but was nieve enough to think he would stay on the harmless games, but once in it it appears that all levels are accessible.
 I am not brilliant with technology but I cannot have a game on my gadgets that I can't stop him from accessing unsuitable games from. Unfortunately I hadn't realised until last week.
 I don't let them have coke or fizzy pop but they do have apple and black current squash. Sweets are a rare treat as I don't believe that they should have them to hand all the time.  Pudding is usually yoghurt or fruit. Although I did make some cupcakes this morning. Even rarer then hens teeth, me baking.
 I put Dgs2 down first, took about 3 attempts to get him settled, but Dgs1 was as good as gold while I read them a story, and he watched an interactive Minecraft episode on Netflix and went to bed at 8.25 with out any bother at all.
dgd has been in and out of the front room, went for a short walk earlier but mostly she's been pretending to work in her bedroom.
 I am going to get ready for bed now, and I am looking forward to sewing a few jobs tomorrow as I feel very strange not sewing since Friday. Or was it Thursday?
 I can't remember but it seems ages ago.

SingleSue

Artytarty said:

What would happen if school called to say your grandson  had been Playing up, to come for him, and you said - sorry, no can do, I'll be there at the end of school as usual?
i think it Is ridiculous the way they call you to come for him .

My youngest's school had me sign an agreement that I would not find a job and that I could be at the school within 10 minutes if they called as (one of) the conditions of taking him.

They tested that out numerous times....

N.B Not just for his autism, he also has other health issues and his immune system struggles to fight off anything so at the slightest sneeze or cough, they would be straight on the phone for me to take him home. It doesn't help that he also sneezes when the sun comes out...

SingleSue

Artytarty said:

Ok thanks I was just interested to know. It's a good thing she always does as they bid in that case.

It's always best to jump through the hoops and hope the school will listen to suggestions in the meantime, especially if social services have an input. I got lucky in Junior school (they did some real out of the box thinking which paved the way for him to go to a mainstream high school, albeit with a very high level of support) and initially in senior school but Infant and the later years at High school were a nightmare. His College was an absolute dream, the setting was perfect, the tutors great, they listened and he excelled.

Savvy_Sue

I think I would do my best to ignore anything which he seems to be doing in order to get a reaction. There is definitely an age when farting is seen as hysterically funny, and talking about farting, but if no-one reacts, does the fun of it stop? 

Same when mine shouted, I would whisper that I couldn't hear them because they were so loud, so they'd have to whisper to get me to hear them. 

But there is no magic trick to this, so what I tried may not help at all with DGS1. 

SingleSue

Again, only my experience so feel free to ignore/I could be way off base. I found that a lot of people would try to put the behaviour down to attention seeking, it wasn't and dealing with it as such only made things worse. A fair amount of the outbursts mine had were because they were genuinely overwhelmed or scared and they needed comfort (from a distance with youngest) or reassurance and most definitely understanding rather than to be ignored which would then allow them to try the activity/event/clothing change/routine change etc on another occasion.

Sometimes you can't see the reason or something happened in the lead up to the meltdown that was so small it couldn't possibly be the cause but think of it as an iceberg, you have the small top above the water but a massive base under the water you cannot see. That small thing that led to the child's meltdown may have added onto the bigger things which had built up over the course of time and was the thing that put them over the top and into meltdown...rather like a ship hitting what looked like a small bit of floating ice only to discover that it was huge and jagged underneath.

Of course, autistic children are still children and will still do the normal things that children do (the fart noises, the normal temper tantrums when they can't get their way etc), the 'fun' part is working out which bit is which!

Savvy_Sue

SingleSue said:

Again, only my experience so feel free to ignore/I could be way off base. I found that a lot of people would try to put the behaviour down to attention seeking, it wasn't and dealing with it as such only made things worse. 

I absolutely agree with you there, which may surprise you! Although it wasn't so much with DS1, who was later diagnosed with Aspergers. I just found that ignoring DS2's tantrums did not help at all: if I ignored them, they went on and on, and if I got close and whispered and sang to him, he'd stop - mainly because he'd beg me to stop singing, and I'd only stop singing when he stopped tantruming!

I know this makes me sound confused and contradictory, but it's possibly a case of working out what is attention seeking, and working out what attention should be paid to it - because, let's face it, children need attention and they sometimes have to attract ours! - and what is normal noisy farts-are-so-funny behaviour, and what is I-am-making-a-big-fuss-for-a-good-reason-I-can't-express. 

Actually, the thing I found that went against all the conventional advice with DS1 was the 'ignore the behaviour you don't want, praise the behaviour you do want'. As soon as he learned the word 'patronising', he told me that's what I was being. Until then, if I said how nicely he was playing, he'd immediately stop playing nicely ... 

Savvy_sewing

thanks Sue,your reminding me how I dealt with the twins. Bells starting to ring.