Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

LadyHarris

Redlady..... said:

LadyHarris said:

Redlady..... said:

Wow, another sanctimonious attention seeker who chooses to display her smugness by passing judgement on a person she doesn't know. Unbelievable.
What gives you the right to ask personal questions about someone elses child?

Is this directed at me ?

It is.
For me it's the way you say things and not always what you say.  Others offer advice and point things out to SS without using such a self righteous tone, or asking personal questions.

How dare you if you had read my other posts i have offered advice i have screamed when savvy has allowed herself to be taken advantage of and i asked about her adult son  not a child but a father who Savvy herself said was going to the doctors . The written word is very different from the spoken but i see from your other posts i am not the first person you have accused of smugness I am not an attention seeker nor have i ever been you do not know me personally so you are in no position to assume anything just as i should not assume you are a bully because that is how you come across. If you carried on reading you would have seen that savvy agreed with what i had written and she also answered my question . If you wish to carry on insulting me whilst not knowing me then please message me 

Redlady.....

Yes I dare, and still, it's the way you say things.
Sorry SS, will stop now.

Savvy_sewing

LadyHarris said:

Savvy_sewing said:

onwards&upwards said:

LadyHarris said:

Redlady..... said:

Wow, another sanctimonious attention seeker who chooses to display her smugness by passing judgement on a person she doesn't know. Unbelievable.
What gives you the right to ask personal questions about someone elses child?

Is this directed at me ?

Honestly there's no point posting anything even slightly critical or questioning in here.  The OP isn't open to hearing it and her cheerleaders will just pile into you or report you.  I know that you are only concerned for these poor kids, so am I, but you're wasting your time. 

I beg to differ.
 I read and absorb, and I look at criticism just as much as I do any other post. 

I take it all on board. 

However I wonder why you bother to subscribe to my ramblings if you think I am wrong or the regular posters are some what supportive ( and critical too) of my thoughts, actions and deeds. I find that very strange.
 I totally understand where Ladyharris is coming from.
 I think that we all rely on tech too much, and I am trying to ween them off of it. 

Tech time is greatly reduced and as I change to doing less work and more of the care it will be easier to implement.

DS is indeed not very healthy but then what ravages must his history of drug taking have done? 

Thank you Savvy but i am afraid your friends haven't made me feel very welcome which is a shame so i wish you well but know its going to be a hard road with an aspie and if you don't have one you really have never lived or fought as well as making sure any other children don't miss out  x

I have unfortunately been here many years ago with the twins.
Its just that life is different from 30 years ago and the recommendations change. 

What worked with one twin didn't always work with the other.

cant remember who wrote "those poor Little kiddies "
but those poor little kiddies are on the whole very happy, laughing and loving etc
Yes there are issues which is not surprising with the start they had, but they are not being ill treated, or neglected. They are loved, fed, clothed and I engage with them every day.
 I am the first they call for in the night and early morning. I am the one who gets their breakfast and dresses them, takes them to school and I engage with the staff every day. 

I play with the trains on the floor, make Playdough for them and join in with the cookie cutters.
 I splashed around in the paddling pool with them this evening.
Those poor little kiddies are not "poor" but they are challenging.
 I am engaging with the professionals and asking for help, I care deeply.
 I am worried sick about DGD and her issues. I am not about to reward bad behaviour, I am trying to find things that she will engage in, that will help her both mentally and physically to interact with the world and I am chasing her counselling and the help she is in need of.
 I am by no means perfect.
 I am often torn between having to work and having to care. Between tiredness and continuing to maintain the improvement in my health. I have had to change my world over and over again in the persuit of helping my family. I have moved countless times to enable changes that we as a family have found necessary.
 I have had to walk away from my relationships to care for my family.

I am just a normal human being, warts and all trying to do the best I can out of what seems an endless pile of challenges.
and on that note I am going to bed.

SingleSue

Redlady..... said:

LadyHarris said:

Redlady..... said:

Wow, another sanctimonious attention seeker who chooses to display her smugness by passing judgement on a person she doesn't know. Unbelievable.
What gives you the right to ask personal questions about someone elses child?

Is this directed at me ?

It is.
For me it's the way you say things and not always what you say.  Others offer advice and point things out to SS without using such a self righteous tone, or asking personal questions.

Not supporting one person over another or agreeing/disagreeing with points made by posters....however, sometimes when I am having a bad brain day, my posts can come across as being a bit sanctimonious or blunt. They are not intended to but somehow it happens.

I can't even defend and say it is the written word and the feeling behind it can be lost because in real life on a bad brain day, it's either all jumbled up or as sharp as a nail. In my head I intend for it to come out nicely but the delivery doesn't always match up.

Today is a jumbled up bad brain day, so if you can make any sense of the above then you are doing well!

Savvy_sewing

I tried to post earlier but it wouldn't let me.
cant remember exactly what I was going to say now.
 I am sitting in the hospital, mask on, waiting for my physio to start.
DS is not coping with the heat and was vomiting yesterday and his GF messaged me that he is in a bad way with the heat.
Twin2 turned up at 10.30 last night as her friend she was staying with was taken to hospital, so she is in the campervan.
If I could cross my fingers I would, that nobody else is sick, that the school don't call while I am so far away, and that this physio is going to help my hand.
We are deferring Disney till next year as the holiday people messaged me yesterday to say although it's reopening it is not yet opening the accommodation we were booked in, we could upgrade to a different hotel but it is not suitable for us so next Summer now. We are still waiting on part two of the holiday and will see if that is still going ahead.

hb2

I'm sorry that it appears to be 'Kick Savvy week' again Of course this is a public forum and people are free to post if they wish. Of course not everyone will agree with everyone else 100% of the time. I don't know Savvy personally, I am not 'one of her friends' per se but I do think she is doing a good job in almost impossible circumstances and, IMHO, needs support and encouragement rather than constant criticism.

KxMx

I agree she is doing a fantastic job under very difficult circumstances, I've seen how my parents and aunts/uncles of a similar age are having to slow down, however it's easy to become stuck in your own world, your own ways of doing things and see everything as normal.

It can take an outside opinion (and there is a nice way to be critical) to make you realise things need to/can change and how to enable and enforce that change.

My observation of what SS posts is that there is a cycle of her family being dependent on her and her running around after them, even the adults, to sort everyone's problems out. Co dependency with blame on both sides. Such a cycle can be long and hard to break on both sides and SS has definitely started trying to do so at her end. 

She rarely gets any support from any of her children. Certainly not at a level designed to help her as much as possible, which is what it should be as she has three dependant DGD which is a tough load.
With my Mum of a similar age my attitude now is firmly on what I can do for her rather than look to her for help. Mum is far from dependent or incapable but the parent/child dynamic changes over time naturally, as it should, as we all age. 

If nothing changes then SS may well find herself in 10/20 years with the next generation arriving and taking on DGGC or sorting out problems for her adult DGC. Them having followed the pattern which seems somewhat established. 

I was so sad around the New Year when she expressed relief that no more babies had been born. I felt she said that because so many of her DGC have ended up in her care or reliant on her as a babysitter. Grandchildren should never be the responsibility of a grandparent except in more singular extenuating circumstances and I was just so genuinely sad that was her view on life because to her that dependancy was fairly normal. I say fairly because she has acknowledged it's not totally normal but I feel it has become somewhat more normal than it should be. 

Again these are my thoughts and opinions based on what has been written (I've only been following a few years), I could be way off base and I do not know SS in real life. 

SS I am sorry to hear about your holiday
I've had to give up on the idea for this year. As a non driver on a limited income I can't risk ending up away from home in a hotel etc and getting ill with it.

Especially as Mum was advised to test recently and never got the postal kit she requested. It seems testing is skewed in favour of those who can take private transport to a test site. Our household no longer believes the Government line of everyone who needs a test has access to one, and will have to think long and hard before automatically entering a 2 week quarantine again as we did this time. 

I do not know how those shielding have coped because after three months of being mostly at home during lockdown (Vunerable), two/three weeks of working towards our new normal we were then placed into quarantine (no leaving house/garden even for exercise) for a further fortnight which has been very tough. There has been little to do besides day to day tasks because everything got ticked off the odd job list, sorted, organised, cleared out etc during the past three months! 

The money didn't go to waste as I was desperate for a new laptop to replace a 7 yo one which was physically falling to bits. Zoom looks so much better than on a tablet, never even tried with old laptop as it definitely wouldn't have coped! 

thorsoak

Oh Blimey, Ss - life does know how to throw lemons at you, doesn't it?    First of all, when you get home, you HAVE to get Twin 2 out of the campervan - otherwise she will be there for goodness knows how long - and also whilst she is there, she cannot go to the council and say that she is homeless :-(     Secondly - remember the mantra - not my circus, not my monkeys ....which applies to DS as well as Twin 2.      One consolation about Disney - by next year, your life - as well as the rest of the world - should have stopped wobbling so much.     Thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way xxxxx

beanielou

Hope you get on ok at the physio. 

Savvy_sewing

So Physio was painful but had to be done. She has said that it was good that I was using my hand, but I am using it too much. Basically she said it's like running 10k when you should only be doing 2k.
We went through the various exercises and I have to go back in 3 weeks. But advised that really I need to stop sewing and just deal with life at the moment. Well I had decided that during the summer anyway. But I have posted on my Facebook page and I will stop taking in work until September. I will do the exercises etc, treat with ice and do my best to get it better but she warned me that the joints are wearing out through my job and that my grip on my right hand is beginning to fail too. I can't touch the palm with my fingers through wear and tear so to speak.
so I am furloughed so to speak.
 I have a few jobs here that I will finish but I will not take on any more than what I have booked already. 

It is time to look after me.
Twin2 gets her money on 5th July so she is in limbo until then unless I take her back or lend her the money. But the good news is that the bf has moved out apparently. So she needs to get back and check what he has and hasn't taken etc.
she wants to carry on living down south but possibly move to a flat rather than a house share. But it would be nice to see her more often then every 3 years.
She is painting some of my garden fence with Dgd at the moment.