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Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism
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'it is autistic traits, which they cannot assess until he is in year 1.' say's who? as far as I know only a Pediatrician leading a multi-disciplinary assessment can diagnose autism/traits in young children, they might be waiting until yr 1 to get an educational psychologist to see him and advise on how to deal with him in the classroom but they cannot diagnose. It can take a year to get through the waiting list / diagnostic process, it can take 1-2 years for a school to get enough evidence for a place in a special school - LEA's are reluctant because they are so expensive and so short on places. If you think he has un-diagnosed autism then the GP can refer.
Saying that it could well be that the earlier trauma / neglect will have a huge behavioral impact.5 -
The earlier the intervention, the better the outcome. I would be going the route of getting him diagnosed through medical channels rather than educational ones.
Re special schools, some children with autism are suited to them, some are not. Youngest found the setting of the specialist school was perfectly suited to him, he excelled whilst there. However he excelled so much that they ran out of things to teach him. Physically, mentally it suited, intellectually it wasn't. Mind you, this was several years ago now when it was assumed and they had criteria that a child had to have an IQ of less than 70 to be accepted, youngest was closed off/locked down and it had been impossible to get a gauge on his IQ...until he found the right setting and it became clear (I already knew but then they tend not to listen to parents) that he was highly intelligent. He returned to mainstream school (which he struggled to cope with) after just two terms.
Middle son did meet the IQ criteria, he had a performance IQ of 130 but a verbal understanding IQ of less than 70 (apparently screamingly rare to have such a disparity) but it would have been the completely wrong setting for him. All he needed was a few tweaks in how education was delivered to him with the understanding that he would struggle with a teacher at the front of a classroom giving them instructions but if those instructions were written or shown in action, he had no issues at all. As long as he had music and those written or practical instructions, he was absolutely fine.
Mainstream education with suitable assistance is the better way to go, unless you have the right mindset, support etc to teach them at home. My sister does that with my niece as her school would say they would do things and then go right ahead and do the opposite, however, socialisation can be an issue with home schooling so that has to be handled sensitively especially as there will be resistance from the child.
It is a battle, my old saying used to be that I was on a merry go round with no way to get off because that was how it felt. As soon as one issue had been dealt with and we thought we could progress, another would rear up. The right school with the right staff is absolutely essential, the wrong school with staff who don't listen or who don't really understand autism and anything going on with the child is blamed on something going on at home and never ever something they are doing is the stuff of nightmares.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.6 -
Redlady..... said:What a beautiful enlightening post from SingleSue, thank you.
From what I can see you appear to be doing all of the right things by all the kids SS. Also, I like the way you'll listen to advice from people like Sue, thereby adding to your own knowledge.
I challenged their autism and in turn they challenge their autism rather than giving into it, there really wasn't the word can't in our house. I gave up my career, my financial security, my life, my health and in the end, my mobility to get them to where they are now. Not that I regret it, I would do it again in a heartbeat as the result has been more than worth it.
I didn't rely on services providing the therapies (they were horrendously difficult to get to the top of the list and that was if they were even offered - provision was just not available at the time), I did my own research and then instigated my own therapies. I turned speech therapist and took youngest from non verbal to verbal, behaviour management therapist, coping skills therapist, educational therapist (I did a lot of teaching at home - youngest because he had other health issues which meant a lot of time off school alongside his agreed part time mainstream school timetable to help him cope and middle son because there were always teachers that would forget or would just not play ball with the written instructions bit)
It was a full time job in itself, hard work, stressful work but the successes when they came were all the better for it.We made it! All three boys have graduated, it's been hard work but it shows there is a possibility of a chance of normal (ish) life after a diagnosis (or two) of ASD. It's not been the easiest route but I am so glad I ignored everything and everyone and did my own therapies with them.
Eldests' EDS diagnosis 4.5.10, mine 13.1.11 eekk - now having fun and games as a wheelchair user.6 -
SingleSue, thank you so much for taking the time to tell us of your experiences. It sounds as if you had a real uphill battle but did your absolute best for your children to great effect.
Savvy, I'm very glad that you can see a way forward. I haven't known you for long but do know that you cope much better once you have mapped out a plan of action. I hope you will be able to take advantage of the better weather that has been predicted.It's not difficult!
'Wander' - to walk or move in a leisurely manner.
'Wonder' - to feel curious.7 -
I think that I will investigate the issues and do some brushing up on my knowledge. I did a lot of research when my twins were younger, and you are so right to remind me that I will need to learn it all again so I can take up the children's causes and be understanding, informed and be actionable on their behalf.
Thankyou so much.
When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.7 -
Ss, hopefully holiday clubs will be running during the holidays. I think it got mentioned in yesterday’s government briefing.3
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dangers said:Ss, hopefully holiday clubs will be running during the holidays. I think it got mentioned in yesterday’s government briefing.When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.3
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Boys back. One minor tantrum about changing for bed already.
why do I feel like I am the villain in all of this?
they have told the boys they are having a sleepover next week, so they are over excited. Personally I wouldn't have told them so early. Let's see how it goes.
dgs1 said the horses are smelly, so that's going to be interesting as the sleepover is supposed to be in the stable yard and caravan and horse box along with other grandchildren of their family.Best I am on standby, and if he chooses to stay here I will not force him to go.
for now it's bedtime and I think I will have an early night too.When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.3 -
Savvy_sewing said:Boys back. One minor tantrum about changing for bed already.
why do I feel like I am the villain in all of this?
they have told the boys they are having a sleepover next week, so they are over excited. Personally I wouldn't have told them so early. Let's see how it goes.
dgs1 said the horses are smelly, so that's going to be interesting as the sleepover is supposed to be in the stable yard and caravan and horse box along with other grandchildren of their family.Best I am on standby, and if he chooses to stay here I will not force him to go.
for now it's bedtime and I think I will have an early night too.3 -
There are rules in place for 'separated' families I see this visit as within those rules. Children from separated families are allowed to see the other parent and have been from the start. I've had my children's father living with us since the beginning of lockdown to facilitate my teaching, visits to our daughters and support his mental health after he was orphaned earlier in the year, so I have no personal experience of breaking lockdown to visit 'the other family' but I do think it is different for families whose parents live separately and policy has supported this.HOME
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