Money Moral Dilemma: Should my parents have a say in our wedding plans if they're paying?

amandacat

I paid for 95% of my wedding myself but my mum and hubbies mum still tried to influence the way things went. My mum paid for my cake, I wanted a chocolate cake but she insisted on a fruit cake and it seemed to really matter to her so I let her have it. In the grand scheme of things it made no difference to my day and 15 years after my wedding has made no difference to me at all. If I’d had the opportunity to be given a big contribution by family (I wasn’t that fortunate) and they wanted to dictate things, I would’ve compromised to be honest to benefit from that financial help. Although this is my 40 something self talking, my 20 something self may have been different and wanted it all my way. I think now I can see that our wedding was a big deal for our families and they weren’t interfering but trying to make our day perfect, even if it was irritating and felt like they were interfering at the time.

All that said I recently paid 50% of my daughters wedding and let them get on with it, I kept completely out of it and they made all decisions.

silvercar

You could twist this around. Say parents want a lot of family and friends at the wedding and offer to pay for the extra people, but the young couple don't want a big wedding so decline, but feel aggrieved that parents were prepared to pay XX but only for their guests to come. Is that fair?

pickledonionspaceraider

silvercar wrote: »

You could twist this around. Say parents want a lot of family and friends at the wedding and offer to pay for the extra people, but the young couple don't want a big wedding so decline, but feel aggrieved that parents were prepared to pay XX but only for their guests to come. Is that fair?

I think if the parents want a party, they should throw a party and invite exactly who they want - and the daughter have the small wedding she wants

I don't really see a problem