Money Moral Dilemma: Should my parents have a say in our wedding plans if they're paying?

Augustus_the_Strong

Ha ha, things have changed. When I was young it was more like, do I get a say in the wedding planning if my parents are paying! Mother-of-the-bride would usually decide on everything.

Sedgley_wonder

As a parent who did contribute to our daughter's wedding, I would say it was a privilege to help make their day perfect. We made suggestions when needed but never interfered with their plans. We always felt it was their day and were so happy for them. This may not help you but I would say that if you can compromise, do. If you can't then consider turning down the money. Talk to them and remind them that it is your day not theirs.

REJP

It is difficult to answer your question without knowing what the demands your parents are making consist of.
If you can pay for the wedding you want without their money, give it back and enjoy your own day.

Amh91

I would probably have a chat with them and say you don’t really like their idea... or you don’t think it’s necessary.... but you really like this idea instead and see if they will find that instead.

If they are adamant that they want something that you hate then hand the money back, it’s your day not theirs.
If it’s something small which is traditional to them, it probably means a lot to them to include it in the wedding in some way.
Depends what they are requesting I suppose.

I hope OP lets us know what the requests are. I wanna know now :rotfl:

Coles1957

As a parent who gave daughter some money for her wedding. It should be a loving gift with no strings! Either be absolutely honest withe them or just do your own thing in your own way but accept a lower budget. It is your day and your style and you don't want to feel stressed or pressurised. Offer your parents a chance to organise something else ....after discussion. Hope you sort it lovingly.

adrianbstewart

No. Anyone who says otherwise should have a word with themselves. I assume they had their own wedding, that was their opportunity.

pollypenny

If the parents want the wedding to be a real family occasion, with some getting together with those not seen for a while and/or invite some their own friends, that seems fine.

If they're choosing colours, dresses etc no.

As said, if you want total control, give the money back.

4rach2110

Oh dear, alarm bells ringing! If they gift you money for your wedding, that’s lovely. If they’re giving money with conditions and stipulations, the wedding has become all about them. My husband’s sister put on an extravagant wedding, courtesy of the parents cheque book, and now I think she’s being lined up to care for them in old age!
Be very careful. x

GFR23

Speaking from personal experience, please don't allow them to sway you in the important decisions if they contribute. Due to financial pressures, my husband and I accepted money from my in-laws for our wedding, and our guest list swelled beyond all recognition, I was forced into a religious ceremony I didn't want, and various other concessions. This led to a great deal of resentment on both sides (some of which continues today) and our wedding was in some ways tainted by this unpleasantness, and the feeling that the day was a compromise or concession, rather than simply a special occasion to celebrate our marriage with family and friends.

LKAY

If the parents are giving the money as a gift/donation then it is yours to do with as you please and absolutely NO-ONE should have a say in your wedding day other that you and spouse... end of.

If the parents are offering to pay for "x, y or z" and being specific as to what "x, y, and z" is eg "we will pay for your wedding car which will be a Rolls Royce", then if you do not want what they are offering to pay for, decline and pay for your own options.

I would guess in the majority of cases parents would be gifting/donating, rather than being prescriptive and specific, and if this is the case, tell them to BUTT OUT of your decisions.