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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my parents have a say in our wedding plans if they're paying?

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Money Moral Dilemma: Should my parents have a say in our wedding plans if they're paying?

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MSE_SarahMSE_Sarah MSE Staff
291 posts
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MSE Staff
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
I'm getting married this year and my parents have given us a big chunk of money to spend on the wedding. They're now insisting on having certain things I wouldn't otherwise choose to have on the day. As it's their money, do I have to agree?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

:idea: If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

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Replies

  • onomatopoeia99onomatopoeia99 Forumite
    6.4K posts
    Sixth Anniversary 1,000 Posts
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    It's your wedding, do it how you like. If your parents don't like it, do it without their money.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek. Home is where my books are.

    5.2kWp system, SE facing, >1% shading, installed March 2019.
  • Marvel1Marvel1 Forumite
    5.7K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
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    No, give the money back if they feel that way.
  • 74jax74jax Forumite
    5.9K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
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    It's your wedding, do it how you like. If your parents don't like it, do it without their money.

    Completely agree.

    If they gave you it for the wedding without stipulations then do what you like with it. If they gave you it saying can you use 1k for xyz photographer and you want to use abc photographer, give them the 1k back and pay for what you want.

    Your day, pay for it to be how you want.
    Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....
  • DigForVictoryDigForVictory Forumite
    11.3K posts
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Photogenic I've been Money Tipped!
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    Golden Rule - whoever provides the gold, sets the rules. If you don't like what they're planing, return the money.

    (Or cooperate gracefully, given them their money's worth in full & then do what you want after.)
  • Owain_MoneysaverOwain_Moneysaver Forumite
    11.3K posts
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
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    What sort of things are they asking for?

    If it's dancing elephants I think you're entitled to exercise a veto, and remind them that a gift comes without conditions.

    If it's pink monogrammed napkins or a karaoke for Aunty Madge, humour them.
    A kind word lasts a minute, a skelped erse is sair for a day.
  • Important update! We have recently reviewed and updated our Forum Rules and FAQs. Please take the time to familiarise yourself with the latest version.
  • onwards&upwardsonwards&upwards Forumite
    3.4K posts
    1,000 Posts Second Anniversary Name Dropper
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    Ask them outright if the money is a gift or if it’s their way of influencing the wedding.

    Decide on what you want to do based on their answer.
  • PollycatPollycat Forumite
    29.6K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Savvy Shopper!
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    Didn't you and your husband-to-be and your parents discuss this 'big chunk of money' beforehand?
    Oh dear. :doh:
  • kazwookiekazwookie Forumite
    12K posts
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
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    Send the money back, thanking them, and then pay for what you want.
    :) Sun, Sea :)

  • tealadytealady Forumite
    3.5K posts
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Mortgage-free Glee! Debt-free and Proud!
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    He who pays the piper, calls the tune.
    Hand the money back and you can pay to have exactly what you want.
    Proud to be an MSE nerd
    Judge people by their achievements, not by their mistakes
  • Claddagh_NoirCladdagh_Noir Forumite
    139 posts
    100 Posts Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    For the love that is all sacred and pure, do not accept their money. You will both be putting a rod on your own backs when it comes to how many grandchildren they will expect (if you want children that is) and they will think they will have the right to tell you how to raise them.

    They will also probably think they have carte blanche on dictating on your marriage and home life because they will throw it in your face that if wasn't for their contribution you wouldn't be married.

    This will be a recipe for disaster!
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