Money Moral Dilemma: Should my parents have a say in our wedding plans if they're paying?

MSE_Sarah

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I'm getting married this year and my parents have given us a big chunk of money to spend on the wedding. They're now insisting on having certain things I wouldn't otherwise choose to have on the day. As it's their money, do I have to agree?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

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onomatopoeia99

It's your wedding, do it how you like. If your parents don't like it, do it without their money.

Marvel1

No, give the money back if they feel that way.

74jax

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

It's your wedding, do it how you like. If your parents don't like it, do it without their money.

Completely agree.

If they gave you it for the wedding without stipulations then do what you like with it. If they gave you it saying can you use 1k for xyz photographer and you want to use abc photographer, give them the 1k back and pay for what you want.

Your day, pay for it to be how you want.

DigForVictory

Golden Rule - whoever provides the gold, sets the rules. If you don't like what they're planing, return the money.

(Or cooperate gracefully, given them their money's worth in full & then do what you want after.)

Owain_Moneysaver

What sort of things are they asking for?

If it's dancing elephants I think you're entitled to exercise a veto, and remind them that a gift comes without conditions.

If it's pink monogrammed napkins or a karaoke for Aunty Madge, humour them.

onwards&upwards

Ask them outright if the money is a gift or if it’s their way of influencing the wedding.

Decide on what you want to do based on their answer.

Pollycat

Didn't you and your husband-to-be and your parents discuss this 'big chunk of money' beforehand?
Oh dear. :doh:

kazwookie

Send the money back, thanking them, and then pay for what you want.

tealady

He who pays the piper, calls the tune.
Hand the money back and you can pay to have exactly what you want.

Claddagh_Noir

For the love that is all sacred and pure, do not accept their money. You will both be putting a rod on your own backs when it comes to how many grandchildren they will expect (if you want children that is) and they will think they will have the right to tell you how to raise them.

They will also probably think they have carte blanche on dictating on your marriage and home life because they will throw it in your face that if wasn't for their contribution you wouldn't be married.

This will be a recipe for disaster!