Want a sleepover but bf won't allow it?

Exodi

Pollycat wrote: »

We don't know any of these things.
I didn't say we did.
I specifically we didn't know!

...

My apologies for any confusion; bar the first sentence of my reply, the rest was aimed at Money maker's post.

I guess I'll have to agree to disagree with you and NeilCr's views but I (genuinely) respect both your opinions and can fully get behind your reasoning. I would personally find it uncomfortable (but then my partner doesn't have any male friends nor would suggest such an idea).

I think the fact there is some disagreement on the subject indicates it is a somewhat controversial subject. I think we're unable conclude whether the OP's partner is being fair or not without any further information but my last was aimed at a poster that was making these conclusions.

Exodi

NeilCr wrote: »

And a nice place it is too Pollycat. Not having all this mistrust and suspicion.

75% of my friends are female (including two of my three best friends). I do a lot of things with them (including staying over). My partner has no issues at all with it.

My partner had a long standing friend (make) when I first met her. He clearly fancied her (it was slightly sad) but I would never have not "allowed" her to see him. Eventually, he found someone else and drifted away

Pollycat wrote: »

But that's your relationship.


As I've already said, we don't know the dynamics of the OP's relationship.

Seems easier to use Pollycats' response to you.

@NeilCr Out of curiosity as you seem to be expressing your unequivocal trust for your partner - should she have wanted to travel to see this long standing male friend that fancied her, but it was a long distance so it was practical to stay at his house, would you have an issue then?

sheramber

The OP did not say she wanted to visit friends and stay over night because due to the distance from home.

As far I know a 'sleepover' is a case of all dossing together to spend the night enjoying themselves.

Not the same as an evening in the company of friends and then staying overnight on the sofa.


Would she want to be in a relationship with someone who did not approve of her sleepover?

WoulD he want to be in a relationship with someone who wanted to do that?

What you or me consider acceptable doesn't matter. It is what the two people in the relationship consider acceptable

Exodi

sheramber wrote: »

The OP did not say she wanted to visit friends and stay over night because due to the distance from home.

As far I know a 'sleepover' is a case of all dossing together to spend the night enjoying themselves.

Not the same as an evening in the company of friends and then staying overnight on the sofa.

Op has said it's due to distance and sleepover is probably the wrong word for it;

Helpmeforum wrote: »

Okay maybe sleepover isn't the right word but I live too far away from all my friends who just happen to be male and no its not a condom situation haha I just want to go see my friends but as I have to travel super far I want to spend more than a day there and obviously will need to sleep somewhere. I only get to see my friends twice a year so thought it would be nice for once if I could stay longer.

sheramber wrote: »

Would she want to be in a relationship with someone who did not approve of her sleepover?

WoulD he want to be in a relationship with someone who wanted to do that?

What you or me consider acceptable doesn't matter. It is what the two people in the relationship consider acceptable

Agreed

Pollycat

Exodi wrote: »

Op has said it's due to distance and sleepover is probably the wrong word for it;

But not in her first post.
It wasn't until there was some speculation that the OP was enjoying the school holidays :cool: and I asked:

Pollycat wrote: »

Are you going somewhere with a friend and it's easier to sleep at their house than to get home? e.g. a gig or something
Or do you just fancy bunking down with friends?

that the OP provided clarification.

Helpmeforum

@PollyCat sorry Yeah I now you didn't mention condoms but I threw it in there anyway to answer other people sorry. Neither of us have cheated or been cheated on and yes he knows them as I was friends with them before I was with him. They did invite him however he's working so can't come. I was just wondering if I'm wrong in thinking that he should be okay with this hence why I posted, I get that it might make him uneasy but seemed wrong that he was trying to tell me not to do it altogether. Thank you for your thought on this anyway I'll definitely keep it in mind.

NeilCr

Exodi wrote: »

Seems easier to use Pollycats' response to you.

@NeilCr Out of curiosity as you seem to be expressing your unequivocal trust for your partner - should she have wanted to travel to see this long standing male friend that fancied her, but it was a long distance so it was practical to stay at his house, would you have an issue then?

No.

Why would I?

And she did - on a couple of occasions.

ETA

Out of curiosity myself

Why wouldn't you be impressed with it - as asked at #24

Pollycat

Helpmeforum wrote: »

@PollyCat sorry Yeah I now you didn't mention condoms but I threw it in there anyway to answer other people sorry. Neither of us have cheated or been cheated on and yes he knows them as I was friends with them before I was with him. They did invite him however he's working so can't come. I was just wondering if I'm wrong in thinking that he should be okay with this hence why I posted, I get that it might make him uneasy but seemed wrong that he was trying to tell me not to do it altogether. Thank you for your thought on this anyway I'll definitely keep it in mind.

Personally, I think the bit in bold makes a difference, although other posters may disagree.
Would he have accepted if he hadn't been working?
If he would have, it seems to me that he's punishing you because you can go and he can't.

It's not like you're wanting to go off and stay with people he doesn't know.

And would they really have invited him if they had hopes that there might be some hanky-panky? :dance:

As for whether he's right or wrong in telling you not to go, only you two can resolve that.


Is his reason for telling you not to go (or 'not allowing it') because he doesn't trust you?
If that is his reason, I'd be seriously worried about the future because - in a relationship where there has been no cheating - I think it's irrational and unhealthy to be suspicious of your partner.

NeilCr

Comms69 wrote: »

And my answer is "I trust you, I don't know these 6 guys though..."


I'm sorry you have a relationship where any question you ask is thrown back at you in a gaslighting manner...

So no question there. Just a statement. I don't know your male friends so it's an issue. What's going to happen, exactly, in your scenario. You trust (apparently) your partner but you don't know the guys so, obviously, she is going to fall in bed with them 'Scratches head"

My partner wouldn't throw anything back at me. So no gaslighting

I am sorry that you seem to struggle with trust in a relationship

ess0two

Helpmeforum wrote: »

Okay so I've never had a sleepover with friends before and I've now got the opportunity to do so however my bf is unhappy with it. I know I'm an adult and it may seem odd to have one now but should I not do a sleepover just because my bf is unhappy because most of my friends are of the opposite sex? Or am I being selfish and should respect his opinion and not do it?

We're avin a gangbang :rotfl: