Want a sleepover but bf won't allow it?

NeilCr

Exodi wrote: »

. How many people on this thread could honestly say they'd be 100% comfortable with their partner having a sleepover with friends of the opposite sex? I'd wager you're likely the only one (and even then I doubt in reality you would

I'd be fine with my partner visiting male friends and staying the night at their place. Especially, in this context where there is a long distance involved - and they don't see each other very often

I have a female friend who lives a fair way away from me now. I've stayed there three times in the last couple of years. My partner had no problems with it at all.

It's all about trust

Exodi

NeilCr wrote: »

I'd be fine with my partner visiting male friends and staying the night at their place.

I agree with the sentiment but I just don't see it playing out in practice.

In regards to the OP; I guess it depends on how long you've been together, the circumstances/history of your relationship, etc.

Personally, I've been with my partner for just over 10 years now and I would not be impressed by this.

NeilCr

Exodi wrote: »

I agree with the sentiment but I just don't see it playing out in practice.

In regards to the OP; I guess it depends on how long you've been together, the circumstances/history of your relationship, etc.

Personally, I've been with my partner for just over 10 years now and I would not be impressed by this.

It's played out with me and some of my friends, too.

Why would you not be impressed with it?

Pollycat

Exodi wrote: »

Pollycat, I'm not sure you're being fair by asking the OP "do you really want a relationship with someone who 'won't allow' you to do something you want?" because the partner is uncomfortable with a 'sleepover' with people of the opposite sex?

I'm fine with you not being sure that I'm being fair by asking the OP "do you really want a relationship with someone who 'won't allow' you to do something you want?"
I'm fine with it because I know in my relationship there is no 'not allowing' either partner to do anything.
Or at least, neither of us have ever wanted to do anything that the other person has felt 'not allowable' or acceptable within our relationship.

Exodi wrote: »

You could apply this to literally anything; just this week 'I didn't allow' my partner to spend £300 on a footstool - I guess she should be reconsidering our relationship? You've also given no regard to the partner. How many people on this thread could honestly say they'd be 100% comfortable with their partner having a sleepover with friends of the opposite sex? I'd wager you're likely the only one (and even then I doubt in reality you would).

But I'm not applying it to some random purchase.
I'm applying it to something the OP wants to do and - in her own words - her boyfriend 'won't allow it'.
It's quite hard to give regard to a partner when we know nothing about them (other than they 'won't allow' a 'sleepover').
We don't know their history (I touched on that in my earlier post).
We don't know if they live together.
We don't know how long they've been together.
We don't know how long the OP has been friends with the people she wants to visit.


And you don't know my relationship.
FTR, it's over 35 years long and we are pensioners so having a 'sleepover' with members of the opposite sex is very unlikely to come up.

Exodi wrote: »

Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhh, I would love to see this actually play out.

As above - you don't know the dynamics of their relationship.
The boyfriend may be insanely, unreasonably jealous and distrustful.
The OP may not be jealous and distrustful, may not be interested in a sexual encounter with any of these friends and therefore can honestly say she can see no wrong in what she wants to do.

Money_maker

Just do it. Since when does a bf control what you do and when (no matter what your age)?

Comms69

Money_maker wrote: »

Just do it. Since when does a bf control what you do and when (no matter what your age)?

Never. But the BF can choose to end the relationship....

Exodi

@Pollycat I'll agree that it's difficult to say as we do not understand the relationship dynamic of the couple. In your circumstances I can see why it would not be an issue.

Money_maker wrote: »

Just do it. Since when does a bf control what you do and when (no matter what your age)?

And this is why I originally took issue earlier in this thread.

How are you to know that one of the people at the sleepover isn't an ex? The OP has a history of cheating? The relationship is still quite new and the trust hasn't been developed yet?

This stance of 'the boyfriend can't tell you what to do!' is not only heavily generalising and impractical (as I said earlier) but I also feel its sexist as I suspect this thread would have followed a different course if it had been a man asking.

It becomes tiresome to post on these forums when there is such heavy bias based on the responders' gender. But I'm sure you'll be quick to inform me that you would have responded in exactly the same way if this was a male poster asking why his girlfriend has a problem with him sleeping round some girls house?

EDIT:

Comms69 wrote: »

Never. But the BF can choose to end the relationship....

This.

gabriel1980

My two cents is that is perfectly acceptable to allow your partner to do anything they want WITHIN REASON and as long as the thing they want you to do doesn't adversely affect you. For instance, my wife goes to yoga twice a week. No problem. But if she wanted to see other men, that would be a problem.

I can see why OPs boyfriend would be uncomfortable with this arrangement. I would suggest you invite your boyfriend as well or arrange other sleeping arrangements, like a hotel.

Pollycat

Exodi wrote: »

@Pollycat I'll agree that it's difficult to say as we do not understand the relationship dynamic of the couple. In your circumstances I can see why it would not be an issue.

And this is why I originally took issue earlier in this thread.

How are you to know that one of the people at the sleepover isn't an ex? The OP has a history of cheating? The relationship is still quite new and the trust hasn't been developed yet?

We don't know any of these things.
I didn't say we did.
I specifically we didn't know!

But the answers to those questions may make a difference to the responses.
In the absence of that information, all we can do is answer based on our own opinions and speculation.

Exodi wrote: »

This stance of 'the boyfriend can't tell you what to do!' is not only heavily generalising and impractical (as I said earlier) but I also feel its sexist as I suspect this thread would have followed a different course if it had been a man asking.

I don't know why you are introducing gender to this.
I absolutely don't think this thread would have followed a different course if it had been a man asking.
But of course, you are entitled to have a different opinion.

Exodi wrote: »

It becomes tiresome to post on these forums when there is such heavy bias based on the responders' gender. But I'm sure you'll be quick to inform me that you would have responded in exactly the same way if this was a male poster asking why his girlfriend has a problem with him sleeping round some girls house?

I'm regret you find this board tiresome.
But yes - I am informing you that I would have responded in exactly the same way if this was a male poster asking why his girlfriend has a problem with him sleeping round some girls house.
I don't differentiate between male and female.
I really can't answer for any other poster you may be talking about.

NeilCr

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't differentiate between male and female.
I really can't answer for any other poster you may be talking about.

This

As I've said before I think I must live in a different world than some MSE posters.

I can't think of any of my friends (male or female) who would have a problem with this if it were their partners. Unless there was a very specific reason (maybe past history).