Want a sleepover but bf won't allow it?

Comms69

NeilCr wrote: »

So no question there. Just a statement. I don't know your male friends so it's an issue. What's going to happen, exactly, in your scenario. You trust (apparently) your partner but you don't know the guys so, obviously, she is going to fall in bed with them 'Scratches head"

My partner wouldn't throw anything back at me. So no gaslighting

I am sorry that you seem to struggle with trust in a relationship

I trust my partner to be able to ask a question without it being thrown back in my face. You seem to think that trust is staying silent.


Your reply to my comment was exactly that, a gaslighting question. So not sure why you're backtracking now.


And no, not to fall into bed with them. But then I'd question why 6 adult men all still live together in one house...

NeilCr

Comms69 wrote: »

I trust my partner to be able to ask a question without it being thrown back in my face. You seem to think that trust is staying silent.


Your reply to my comment was exactly that, a gaslighting question. So not sure why you're backtracking now.


And no, not to fall into bed with them. But then I'd question why 6 adult men all still live together in one house...

But you didn't ask a question. You made a statement. "I don't know these six guys"

Of course trust isn't always silent. But it is about trusting the replies to any question (when you actually ask one) and your partner. I can't see the point of being in a relationship if there is no trust.

Soo. Your problem is with six guys living together - not to do with your partner. What would be your concern with her/him staying with these guys (remember they are old friends), exactly, then?

Comms69

NeilCr wrote: »

But you didn't ask a question. You made a statement. "I don't know these six guys" ... in reply to your question You said: "Don't you trust me?" I gave an answer.

Of course trust isn't always silent. But it is about trusting the replies to any question (when you actually ask one) and your partner. I can't see the point of being in a relationship if there is no trust. - I agree. But I said I'd have questions and your reply was:


What questions?

I think maybe your partner would be asking the questions - for example "Don't you trust me?

Soo. Your problem is with six guys living together - not to do with your partner. What would be your concern with her/him staying with these guys (remember they are old friends), exactly, then?

No, my problem isn't with anything. I'd just have questions.


e.g. are any of these people your exes. might they get the wrong idea with your visit. Will you be safe. etc....

Pollycat

Comms69 wrote: »

I trust my partner to be able to ask a question without it being thrown back in my face. You seem to think that trust is staying silent.


Your reply to my comment was exactly that, a gaslighting question. So not sure why you're backtracking now.


And no, not to fall into bed with them. But then I'd question why 6 adult men all still live together in one house...

FTR, as far as the OP is concerned, there is no '6 adult men'.
The '6 guys' comment was introduced by you in an exchange with another poster:

Comms69 wrote: »

If my partner said "I'm going to go stay over in a house with 6 guys", I'd have some questions!


I would expect her to have the same questions if I said I'm going to stay over with 6 girls!

We don't know (unless I've missed it) how many male friends there are.
I know a few groups of 3 young blokes who live in the same house.
They do that because they can't afford to rent on their own, let alone buy.
Personally, it would never occur to me to question why a number of people - of any age and any sex - live together in the same house.

sheramber

Okay so I've never had a sleepover with friends before and I've now got the opportunity to do so

That makes me think the OP is more excited by a 'sleepover' than someone staying over because it is too far to travel home.

What is she looking forward to with this 'opportunity' .

Les79

It is a tad disrespectful towards your partner doing something which knowingly makes him unhappy.


But there is also an argument that you are free to live life how you want, and shouldn't feel OBLIGED to pander to him.


I think that's where "good communication" plays a role to be fair... Speaking about it, working out his concerns, reassuring him with concerns, maybe one or two phone calls in the evening to see how he is. Maybe also even more of a desire to have a sleepover when HE is free to attend, possibly by rescheduling it.


If you're both going to be a bit bullish about it (you with wanting to go and him with wanting you to not go) then you are running the risk of fracturing the relationship in all honesty. And if there is even a POSSIBILITY of you sleeping with one of those friends that night, a combination of alcohol and feeling peeved towards the bf ("I can do what I want") is often a disastarous combination.


Tread carefully.

Helpmeforum

@Pollycat if he wasn't working then yeah he would've come and as for trust he keeps saying it's them he doesn't trust but not sure how true that is.

Helpmeforum

@sherbet I'm just looking forward to being able to stay up all night having a good chat with my friends rather than it being cut short by time restraints

Helpmeforum

Rescheduling it isn't possible as I said I only get to see my friends like twice a year plus I don't drink alcohol and he knows this so there is no 'risk' there either.

Les79

Helpmeforum wrote: »

Rescheduling it isn't possible as I said I only get to see my friends like twice a year plus I don't drink alcohol and he knows this so there is no 'risk' there either.

Fair enough!