Want a sleepover but bf won't allow it?

Comms69

NeilCr wrote: »

This

As I've said before I think I must live in a different world than some MSE posters.

I can't think of any of my friends (male or female) who would have a problem with this if it were their partners. Unless there was a very specific reason (maybe past history).

If my partner said "I'm going to go stay over in a house with 6 guys", I'd have some questions!


I would expect her to have the same questions if I said I'm going to stay over with 6 girls!

suki1964

My husband has even stayed in a hotel room with his ex wife, didn't bother me in the slightest because I trust him and her

NeilCr

Comms69 wrote: »

If my partner said "I'm going to go stay over in a house with 6 guys", I'd have some questions!


I would expect her to have the same questions if I said I'm going to stay over with 6 girls!

If my partner was going to visit six male friends who she'd known for a long time and lived a fair distance away and was going to sleep the night at their house I'd be fine about it.

Pollycat

NeilCr wrote: »

This

As I've said before I think I must live in a different world than some MSE posters.

I can't think of any of my friends (male or female) who would have a problem with this if it were their partners. Unless there was a very specific reason (maybe past history).

My OH has met an ex-colleague for a pre-Christmas get together and because she couldn't do the usual day time, they did an evening and he booked a hotel as he couldn't get transport home.
Did I tell him I wouldn't allow him to go?
Of course not. :rotfl:

I've got 4 concerts booked over the rest of this year and all involve an overnight stay.
OH absolutely didn't want to come to the concerts (we have different music tastes).
Did he tell me he wouldn't allow me to go?
Of course not. :rotfl:

I think I probably inhabit your world, Neil.

Pollycat

Comms69 wrote: »

If my partner said "I'm going to go stay over in a house with 6 guys", I'd have some questions!


I would expect her to have the same questions if I said I'm going to stay over with 6 girls!

But that's your relationship.


As I've already said, we don't know the dynamics of the OP's relationship.

Comms69

NeilCr wrote: »

If my partner was going to visit six male friends who she'd known for a long time and lived a fair distance away and was going to sleep the night at their house I'd be fine about it.

Good for you?


I'd not saying I would say no, I'm saying I'd have questions.

Comms69

Pollycat wrote: »

But that's your relationship.


As I've already said, we don't know the dynamics of the OP's relationship.

Indeed. But I don't think it's an unreasonable position for the boyfriend to hold.


People say "he wont allow it?! We aren't property blah blah blah" - No-one in a relationship should put up with behaviour they see as unacceptable. If this is a red line for him, the OP chooses her wants or his.


If she goes, he ends the relationship. Those are the consequences.

NeilCr

Pollycat wrote: »

My OH has met an ex-colleague for a pre-Christmas get together and because she couldn't do the usual day time, they did an evening and he booked a hotel as he couldn't get transport home.
Did I tell him I wouldn't allow him to go?
Of course not. :rotfl:

I've got 4 concerts booked over the rest of this year and all involve an overnight stay.
OH absolutely didn't want to come to the concerts (we have different music tastes).
Did he tell me he wouldn't allow me to go?
Of course not. :rotfl:

I think I probably inhabit your world, Neil.

And a nice place it is too Pollycat. Not having all this mistrust and suspicion.

75% of my friends are female (including two of my three best friends). I do a lot of things with them (including staying over). My partner has no issues at all with it.

My partner had a long standing friend (make) when I first met her. He clearly fancied her (it was slightly sad) but I would never have not "allowed" her to see him. Eventually, he found someone else and drifted away

NeilCr

Comms69 wrote: »

Good for you?


I'd not saying I would say no, I'm saying I'd have questions.

What questions?

I think maybe your partner would be asking the questions - for example "Don't you trust me?

Comms69

NeilCr wrote: »

What questions?

I think maybe your partner would be asking the questions - for example "Don't you trust me?

And my answer is "I trust you, I don't know these 6 guys though..."


I'm sorry you have a relationship where any question you ask is thrown back at you in a gaslighting manner...