Nst november in new york

Wanna_Bee_Free

Yesterday I had another NSD, 3/15.

Kindness: was patient and held a heavy door open, best I managed today.

Frogs to Do
Ebay something
Freegle two things - one sorted and collection planned for Friday
Stop procrastinating on plans next week and just decide.

apple_muncher

Hugs x_raphael_xx

laurenh1

Hi lovely turtles


Not a good day in our house today , leave booked for December was rejected , so I called to discuss this with welfare, was told to phone my hubs sergeant only to be spoken to like poop on his shoe & hung up on. I literally cannot believe they can speak to people the way he spoke to me. Then hub was told he was going away for the night with no notice at all. He is so down & fed up of army life that I think he's almost depressed. Tonight we will discuss if we are going to stick it out for another 12 months or buy a smaller home get him out. I honestly think right now I could be persuaded either way. I honestly would urge anyone thinking of joining the army at low rank to consider how they will be treated. Hub has been sleeping in a field all night is now on his way back to start a full day at work. the good news is he has now approved the leave, Probably because he knows he took it too far with how he spoke to me.



Anyway...today is NSD number 11.

I have a days holiday so I'm going to try & get organised, do a meal plan , catch up with washing etc.

Im going to re do budgets once I've spoken to hub, whatever we decide its just made me more determined to save / pay off car & be in the best position to get him out.

Probably not even getting dressed today let alone going outside :rotfl:But I'll do better over the weekend.
No take aways


Lots to be grateful for- that we do actually have options if hub decides he needs to leave work, that my work are unbelievably supportive & for duvet days with my poorly boys :A

f0xh0les

Hugs Raphael

Window shopping is window shopping, messaging is not window shopping.

A girl should always have a 'running away fund' in case you suddenly need to exit stage left ( bear strictly optional).

I am actually really really annoyed by this, on your behalf, but probably nowhere near as annoyed as you are!

x_raphael_xx

GlendaSugarbean wrote: »

Raphael sorry to hear your OH is being an eejit. Is he planning to do anything other than justify his actions? It's tough that you feel stuck with the house situation

He has been promising me the world since last night. Saying he will be more of a boyfriend & take me out for meals etc. Thing is I was very happy with how we are together and how he treated me. I never craved meals out or cinema trips, I never wanted him to be more than he is.

f0xh0les wrote: »

Hugs Raphael

Window shopping is window shopping, messaging is not window shopping.

A girl should always have a 'running away fund' in case you suddenly need to exit stage left ( bear strictly optional).

I am actually really really annoyed by this, on your behalf, but probably nowhere near as annoyed as you are!

I'm currently still paying back mum for the loan she gave me for the house deposit, hense no emergency fund.
I'm just a little heartbroken, I've never been the type to check up on a partner, check their phone or ask who they are spending time with. I want to give him a second chance, but I don't know if the intimacy is now gone forever.


I didn't bother asking how many girls he had messaged (I very much doubt the coincidence of my friends daughter being the first), as it doesn't matter to me, once or 20 times is the same. I don't care about looking, everyone looks at goodlooking people, but messaging is making the fantacy become reality.



He has upset me more than my ex as he is such a lovely man, kind, caring, all my family love him. It was easier to leave my ex as she was selfish and self centred, which I tolerated while we were together, but gave me the reason to break it off straight away.
I haven't told my mum or rang her for advice cos I know she will be heartbroken too.

dolly84

raphael - give yourself some breathing space if possible but if you do want to leave don't let a mortgage hold you back. Just as another perspective though, about 20 years ago I had an affair with someone I worked with, I ended up telling DH and we did break up for a while, we had been together about 10 years by that point, we got back together and have two children now. It was very hard for both of us for a long time and I doubt he has ever completely got over it.


mothernerd - I've been working out how long it takes to work for something ever since I started working and it really does make you think. I don't do it with everything but maybe I should do it more.


Very proud of my 14 yo DD today, she has requested a meeting with the school headteacher to discuss their environmental/sustainability policies - or lack of. She feels very strongly about it and her and DS are educating their friends as school isn't and they are even bringing home things to recycle.


Have cycled up several horrible hills this morning in the freezing cold and blinding sunshine. Plans for the rest of the day are dog walking, cleaning the bathroom, relaxing and the school run.

greent

((hugs)) raphael - perhaps a breathing space could be good - but an idiotic act by him and having been caught before (presumably) he's done anything may be enough to shake him up. Things happen and can sometimes be worked through (if you both want) - although it is very hard to see that in the initial pain xx

greent

mothernerd - am loving today's inspirations

I'm always aiming to get rid of unnecessary/ unwanted items and we've made masses of progress with this over the past few years. I particularly finf Marie Kondo's way of looking at it helpful - rather than looking for things to get rid of, looking at what to keep (those which spark joy) and it should follow the rest can go (not always... necessity means some things stay, but can be replaced once they're identified/ a joy sparking replacement is found etc) I got rid of lots of things this way - better to have a few things that I love than lots which I am ambivalent about but feel I 'should' have - for whatever reason (they were a gift, they cost a lot etc, etc) And I'm a big believer in that you often don't need more storage - you need less stuff - stuff has a habit of filling and outgrowing available space if left unchecked

I also love the fact I have an ironing exemption! :rotfl: For those who don't get this - ironing soothes my soul - it really does!! - I find it calming and it can help keep me feeling less stressed about other things
Store duvet and matching pillowcases together. - I'm a big fan of this. I know some people store the cover and other pillowcases inside a pillowcase, but I don't. I fold the duvet cover into a square once I've ironed it (doesn't matter whether single, double or king, they all end up pretty much the same size when I'm done) and in the centre of the fold are the pillowcases and fitted sheet (all ironed ) I then have them in my airing cupboard in a small stack

Sustainable shopping:
Can I afford it? Would I prefer to have the money in my account or this item in my house? (remember we pay for things in hours of our time - if you really want to scare yourself, work out your hourly rate after taxation, include the hours commuting before dividing. When you know your true hourly rate, work out how many hours it takes to buy a particular item). - this is a good way to calculate whether that takeaway/ new handbag/ pretty necklace is really worth working another X number of hours for. Particularly handy when repaying debt/ mortgage - can help decide priorities. It's another tool - you may still decide that the takeaway (etc) IS worth it - but at least it's a mindful purchase


Have a one in, one out system. - or even a one in, two out


If you are not sure sleep on it (better still wait 3 days before purchasing) - if it's an online purchase and you're logged in to the retailers site and have it in your basket, leave it in there without checking out - sometimes a retailer will send you a discount code - which is a bonus if you do decide you want it in the end

f0xh0les

Sorry to be so absent, I am having a mare with 6th form college open days for DS1 and his A levels, random school trips and visits, all with stupid pick up times, and after school clubs. Only 3 more colleges to visit.

I am going to use the primary school Xmas fair to get rid of some stuff from the house - horrid candle sticks, boxes of roses, outgrown books etc. I will take a box and go room to room removing things, then put in the boot ready for drop off on 30th.

Glued some googly eyes on to Xmas labels made from last year's cards that the kids received from class mates. Somehow this amuses me greatly, and I love a cutesy animal made totally bizarre by the addition of wobbly eyes. cut out, and used as a label. It tickles my soul, and is recycling. Plus it gets rid of some of those eyes we bought for some project or other.

Wrapped a few second hand books for the kids as they always get loads of books and love them even if they don't get around to reading them until Summer. Phillip Pullman and Michael Morpergo sets have hit the c/s's so they are bought and wrapped.

I have not spent any vouchers yet -the s/m are starting to send out their bribes -£6 off a £30 spend seems popular this year. Still waiting for S&M reward bribe to hit the mat, that should be the last one.

Supper made and ready to be ovened (shepherds pie) and soft food made in readiness for poor DH who is under the dentist tomorrow having his face prepped for an implant. Banana pudding (soft and no lumps) and choc hazlenut pudding made (smells divine) and put in fridge in readiness for 'no chewing Friday'. He is terrified. Dentist-phobic.

Right, put the washing on the line, make cup of tea, a half hour read and then the school run starts again.

If you do the laundry, why is it not a laundry line?

x_raphael_xx

dolly84 wrote: »

raphael - give yourself some breathing space if possible but if you do want to leave don't let a mortgage hold you back. Just as another perspective though, about 20 years ago I had an affair with someone I worked with, I ended up telling DH and we did break up for a while, we had been together about 10 years by that point, we got back together and have two children now. It was very hard for both of us for a long time and I doubt he has ever completely got over it.

greent wrote: »

((hugs)) raphael - perhaps a breathing space could be good - but an idiotic act by him and having been caught before (presumably) he's done anything may be enough to shake him up. Things happen and can sometimes be worked through (if you both want) - although it is very hard to see that in the initial pain xx

Thanks guys.
I would like to ask him to stay with his mum for a couple of days, to give me a little space. But I don't really want to get her involved as shes currently going thru chemo so I don't want to add to her burdens. (She would agree with me that he's been an idiot.)

I was in a mortgage with my ex, and that didn't stop me walking away, and I can cope with being short of funds for a while. Maybe I'm just using it as an excuse to stay.
But I feel like staying would almost be like saying 'ah well, it doesn't matter'. I think I want to stay, but I want him to be punished and scared that he'll lose me. IYSWIM. My head is spinning one way then the other.
Sorry for the long rant. I appreciate everyones messages.