Huge wedding problem :(

annandale

She doesn't sound like an ex friend with a grudge. Just someone who is upset that she's been invited to the reception and her husband to the full do. That is embarrassing. For her. And what do you mean as to why they fell out. You mean that your wife was left out of wedding plans? Or just that the friendship cooled.

Op. You have had six months to sort this. There should be no problem at this stage. You could have said to your friend months ago that you would not be attending without your wife.

And I agree. They will have paid money for your meal. And someone else will have been left out of the evening reception to let your wife go so don't consider bailing out at this stage without at least telling them first.

I have never ever been invited to any aspect of a wedding when I had a partner without a plus one. If you were invited to the full day. So should your wife have been. It's not just her wedding. It's his as well.

If there is drama you have helped create it by thinking of going without your wife. No wonder she is upset. Id be furious with you. She's your priority. She is the mother of your kids.

And I can totally understand why she is upset that your brothers gf who has never even met the bride has been asked to the full do and she hasn't.

The bride sounds like an absolute cow. Yes it's her day. But I'm sure she knew the problems it would cause between you when she did this.

It's you who has the choice to make. Not your wife as far as I'm concerned

calleyw

Gavin83 wrote: »

I agree. I think if the OP doesn't go they're being extremely unreasonable and in the grooms position it would be the end of the friendship for me. If you're that bothered about your wife not being invited the time to refuse the invitation was when the invite was received, not a day before the wedding. To not go now just makes you look petty and like you're trying to make a point. If you're that sort of person go ahead but I could totally understand why someone wouldn't wish to be friends with that kind of person.

I would be livid if someone did that to me. Unless there was a proper reason, sickness or an accident etc.


There has been plenty of time to make the decision to decline the invite. But no they have to wait until the day before to kick up fuss.


Yes they would be ex friends after that point.

Gavin83 wrote: »

The bride doesn't like your wife. It's their wedding. Why should they invite her? I wouldn't wish to have someone at my wedding I don't get on with.

That is the gist of it all.


But of course its for wedding guests to question why certain people have been invited. Such as why his brothers gf has been invited but not his partner. The OP knows 100% sure that the bride and brothers gf have never met or spoken. Not sure how he can be of that. But never mind.


Why people have to make so much drama out such things is beyond me.



And if something ever serious happens not sure how they would cope. If this is the state they get in to over someone elses wedding!!!!


Yours


Calley x

annandale

Oh and you came to the conclusion that at least your wife was invited to something? Seriously. She said from the off she did not want to go to the evening do because you had been invited to the full event and she hadnt been.

You have helped create all of this. You could have just let your wife decline the invitation and gone yourself. But I suspect the reason that you didn't want to do that is because then you would have had to answer questions about where she was.

She's your wife. She's the mother of your kids. No wonder she's upset. She's had a huge slap in the face and you can't seem to see it. You are invited to the full do and she isn't.

Have any other people been invited to the full thing without their other halves? Or just her. And it's not a space issue is it. She's never met jess. She could have invited your wife to the full do easily.

Sorry. But you need to work out where your loyalties lie as far as I'm concerned and soon.

phryne

Women and weddings. I will say no more..



(and I dare say even this will get reported and removed..)

annandale

Oh and you kind of understand that she doesn't want to go now she's found out that jess is invited to the full do.

You don't sound like your loyalties lie with your wife at all and you don't sound like you understand how she feels one little bit.

Mortified maybe. Embarrassed. Upset. I wouldn't go if I were her. I wouldn't go near that wedding. Public slap in the face designed to cause hurt.

AylesburyDuck

Totally with annandale with this, the choice is simple, your wife OR your best friend.
It's really not hard is it when put that simply.
And No, your wife wont forgive you, no matter what she says!

leighavfc

Right let me clear some things up here.. a lot of judging of my partner going on here without actually meeting her or knowing her..

Firstly they HAD made it up late last year. My partner has sent me the convo they had about it all to confirm my question of had they made up or not. They have exchanged birthday cards in the period before the save the date. They havent seen other due to the bride working away a lot and also us having two young children. The groom has pratically admitted there is a problem by saying she wasnt invited due to the "situation"... news to my partner and i after reading the conversation they had where it was apparently all sorted. Their choice and thats fine. We have since heard thay there are at least another 2 partners going who have not met either of them....

My partner is upset today and doesnt feel she will go to the evening due to the awkwardness and embarrasment. I csn understand this and wouldnt want to be put in a situation like this. My partner has told me that i must go regardless of what she does, she does not want this to affect me and the groom who she still has a lot of time for etc. She had been out to get dress and nails done etc amd was happy to be invited to the wedding reception as she thought it was maybe a new start for us all. My partner is not the type to cause a drama for no reason she is actually quite quiet and laid back.

This was sorted a year ago so to all those who are saying drama queen blah blah its pure nonesense as there is a quite clearly a hidden agenda from the bride. I have the evidence to say it was ok. Again fine but why would you go when there is an issue... would you put yourself through it? I wouldnt!

I will be going to at the very least the wedding and meal but may decide to leave the night and spend time with my partner. Reasonable i would think tbh

Sorry o cant answer you all, i will try later. Hope this answers a little bit

NeilCr

annandale wrote: »

Oh and you came to the conclusion that at least your wife was invited to something? Seriously. She said from the off she did not want to go to the evening do because you had been invited to the full event and she hadnt been.

You have helped create all of this. You could have just let your wife decline the invitation and gone yourself. But I suspect the reason that you didn't want to do that is because then you would have had to answer questions about where she was.

She's your wife. She's the mother of your kids. No wonder she's upset. She's had a huge slap in the face and you can't seem to see it. You are invited to the full do and she isn't.

Have any other people been invited to the full thing without their other halves? Or just her. And it's not a space issue is it. She's never met jess. She could have invited your wife to the full do easily.

Sorry. But you need to work out where your loyalties lie as far as I'm concerned and soon.

Well, actually, OP says that his wife "mellowed" and decided she would go and make the best of it after, initially, not wanting to go- which sounds like the right attitude to me. Nothing about "letting her decline".

I agree with the others about this being overdramatised in the thread - this is the OP's best mate and all this stuff about choosing between wife and best friend is a bit OTT. Again, I think this is on the wife - her choice whether or not to go in the evening but she could alleviate the pressure on the OP by saying she has no problems with him going to the ceremony. It's worth noting just how close OP and best friend are.

The problem with this is that it has come up so late. A few extra days might have got it sorted. I am still surprised that it didn't come out in the wash over the last six months or so.

ETA.

Cross posting and just seen OP's latest update. Think the wife has got it right.

leighavfc

calleyw wrote: »

I would be livid if someone did that to me. Unless there was a proper reason, sickness or an accident etc.


There has been plenty of time to make the decision to decline the invite. But no they have to wait until the day before to kick up fuss.


Yes they would be ex friends after that point.








That is the gist of it all.


But of course its for wedding guests to question why certain people have been invited. Such as why his brothers gf has been invited but not his partner. The OP knows 100% sure that the bride and brothers gf have never met or spoken. Not sure how he can be of that. But never mind.


Why people have to make so much drama out such things is beyond me.



And if something ever serious happens not sure how they would cope. If this is the state they get in to over someone elses wedding!!!!


Yours


Calley x

Think about it Calley how would i know they havemt spoke or met..... straight from the horses mouth!!!!!!!! My brother and jess told me this last night......................

leighavfc

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

I think you're forgetting what you posted.

"They patched things up in the end due to my missus trying to diffuse the whole thing by apolgising for telling her how she felt as a friend and the bride brushing all off like it was all my partners fault. but things have nowhere near been the same since. They havent seen each other."

Not my idea of "sorted".

The bride and your partner are, by your own admission, no longer friends and don't even see each other. I can't see any reason why she should have expected to have been invited to the wedding at all, much less to a comparatively intimate meal for close friends and family.

Read my new post... you may get the picture then....maybe