Huge wedding problem :(

Pollycat

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

I used to be "best friends" with someone until we had a major fallout earlier this year - I wouldn't dream of being invited to her place any more than I would dream of inviting her to mine. The person who used to be your best friend is the very last person you'd want to invite to your wedding and I can't understand why the OP's OH should expect it.

calleyw wrote: »

Note the use to!!!! thats is a past tense.



Which means they are not now. No one should make assumptions about anything and in this situation massive assumptions have been made. Also if you read the rest of my reply you will see I said the Bride may well have to their faces pretended everything was ok. But it was not. Hence the not inviting.



Again a lot of fuss and emotions over something that on your death bed I don't think you will remember. As I said everyone needs to grow up and start acting like adults.


But again I will say this its the bride and grooms day not the Poster and his partners day. And they either want to be part of the day or not. Their choice.


Yours


Calley x

I have noted the 'used to'.
My point was that the scenario you (Calley) explained was very different to that of the OP's partner and the bride.

leighavfc

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

She might be surprised you haven't put her first and made a decision already to not go
Your Indecisiveness would frustrate me enourmoysly if I was your other half and I would feel very hurt.

That said to me your posts make it sound like you are enjoying the drama. I could well be wrong but it's just my perspective.

Enjoying the drama... what? I have been up all night worried sick about what i should for crying out loud......

gettingtheresometime

calleyw wrote: »

Really its just a wedding.


Think all of you need to grow up. I wont go because my partner was not invited. Sounds like the school play ground.


I went to a wedding a couple of months ago. It was my partners friend. I had meet the groom twice in two years and the bride once. If I had not been invited no skin off my nose. As I did not really know the couple and know how expensive a wedding is. And would have encouraged my partner to go on his own.


Its not about loyalty to your partner. Does she get upset every time you go out with the boys because she does not get invited. See how silly it sounds now about not being invited to a wedding which is one day out of your life. And wasting so much time and energy on being offended and upset.



The wedding is not about you and your partner, but the bride and groom. You can't change people only change your reaction to those people and their actions. The bride may well to your face make it seems she has forgiven your partner but maybe deep down she has not. Who knows.



Yours


Calley x

The way I read the post is that the OP was invited to the day do & the rest of the family was only invited to the night which given the once closeness of the people concerned, would be surprising and a little hurtful, especially as it was assumed that any ill will had been dealt with.


There's nothing to suggest that the OP's partner wasn't allowing him to go to the day do on his own.


The current situation has been brought about because apparently the girl friend, who doesn't know the couple, seems more worthy of attending the day do than a long standing friend, who is partner to someone who is also attending.

-taff

leighavfc wrote: »

Enjoying the drama... what? I have been up all night worried sick about what i should for crying out loud......

You should have realised by now that just take the useful info and discard the rest. You're always going to get a reply that is useless, irrelevant or not to your liking.
Best to stay detached and not bite

calleyw

Pollycat wrote: »

I have noted the 'used to'.
My point was that the scenario you (Calley) explained was very different to that of the OP's partner and the bride.

Not really as the OP partner is no longer part of the social circle. Its seems to the bride a non friend now.


Its now the groom inviting his friend to the wedding. Also seems like its a small wedding and the numbers need to be kept down. So why would you invite someone you don't like or get on with.


As has already been said if I had been best friends and no longer was why would I expect to be invited. And I personally would feel very uncomfortable going.



So I suppose that all guests who only get an evening only invite like the Op's partner should be offended and upset and feel second best.


I feel lucky to invited at all to any part of someones wedding. That they have given me any thought at all to be part of there big day.


Note to self. If I ever get married again I am going to elope. To much politics and backstabbing in what should be a wonderful happy day


Yours


Calley x

Seanymph

Your friend is concerned, and aware of your issue - so will be understanding of your dilemma.

Your wife is your life partner, and you have vowed to cherish her.

Phone your mate, tell him you are in a godawful situation, but that you cannot, cannot, put your partner through that level of rejection - and that after Saturday he will understand totally how you have to view your priorities, that you love him, and you would do anything to see him exchange vows bar upset your partner.

Then two of you can have a super lunch somewhere, tip up at the hotel and get ready together, and both go to the evening as a couple - showing everyone that you are a unit.

It's a no brainer.

Quite why anyone sees it as more complicated than that is beyond me.

She may well be saying 'go, I'm fine' or 'Do what you think is best' - but it's one of those 'fine' moments.

Don't go, it will rankle for years and years - because her pain will not just go away on Sunday. Your loyalty to her will mean a lot.

Tabbytabitha

leighavfc wrote: »

Enjoying the drama... what? I have been up all night worried sick about what i should for crying out loud......

Yep, I'm pretty sure that's the attitude the poster meant!

AylesburyDuck

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Why would you expect someone she doesn't "genuinely like" to be invited to her wedding?

GDB2222 wrote: »

Manners? Politeness? And a wish not to cause upset to another human being.

Absolutely with GDB222 on this...........
Firstly because it is THEIR wedding, 35 years ago when WE got married WE planned OUR day, WE sat down and discussed it as a couple, and found a formula WE were both happy with and found workable, and compromised on things that created problems. Because lets face it lifes to short, but you want a long and happy marriage.
A Bridezilla that wants everything her own way with little regard for the Grooms feelings or circumstance will always find that nothing ever matches to big day again and will be on a downhill path ON HER OWN, of her own making.

Secondly..
Stand by your wife and dont go.
Eventually you'll probably end up caught up in a one sided messy marriage where he continually talks off your ear about his spiteful wife who never considers his feelings.
If he's your best mate he'll understand WHY your are standing by your wife, and that it's his wife to be who has created the situation.If he makes a song and dance of it was he ever really your bestie to start off with.

Tabbytabitha

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

The way I read the post is that the OP was invited to the day do & the rest of the family was only invited to the night which given the once closeness of the people concerned, would be surprising and a little hurtful, especially as it was assumed that any ill will had been dealt with.


There's nothing to suggest that the OP's partner wasn't allowing him to go to the day do on his own.


The current situation has been brought about because apparently the girl friend, who doesn't know the couple, seems more worthy of attending the day do than a long standing friend, who is partner to someone who is also attending.

An ex friend, which is a major difference.

If the OP's partner was currently a long standing friend the situation would be completely different.

calleyw

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

The way I read the post is that the OP was invited to the day do & the rest of the family was only invited to the night which given the once closeness of the people concerned, would be surprising and a little hurtful, especially as it was assumed that any ill will had been dealt with.


There's nothing to suggest that the OP's partner wasn't allowing him to go to the day do on his own.


The current situation has been brought about because apparently the girl friend, who doesn't know the couple, seems more worthy of attending the day do than a long standing friend, who is partner to someone who is also attending.

Again once closeness. Not any more.


Its seems that its no longer for the bride and groom to decide who is invited to their wedding. Its seems it ok for guests to query, the whats and why fores of who is invited.


Its none of the OP's business as to why his brothers gf has been invited. She has. And the OP can't really know if the bride and gf have met and are best buddies.


Maybe the bride feels uncomfortable about having the OP's partner at her wedding because of their past relationship. Its her day and she can have and do what she wants as long as its not illegal.


People need remove the emotion and look at it logically. They where close in the past and no longer. And the groom wants a good friend there for his big day. End of story.


At least the OP's partner knows what the bride thinks of her. And I would be wasting no more time and energy of thinking about her and the why's and wherefores of it.


Yours


Calley x