Huge wedding problem :(

Spendless

leighavfc wrote: »

Hi,

Jess is my brothers GF, who has never met the bride. The issue here is that out of a 36 person wedding she has been invited and my partner hasnt. My partner and bride had sorted things to an extent. We were under the impression it was ok. Then this happens.

We was only aware of Jess going last night, not a problem with her going but its almost the bride has done this on purpose. My mate had text me the other week asking if my partner was ok about it all and he had been worrying about it all due to the situation. This is what tells me she still has the hump with my OH.

Again i see things from both sides here but am just confused as to why it was apparently sorted and now no invite to the wedding but my brothers GF who she has never met is. Numbers have played a part in this i guess, but lso a dig in there i think.

Of course she's left your OH out on purpose. Out of the other 36 guests invited to the day do, do you think any of them have had an invite that doesn't include their +1?

Your OH has been left out on purpose due to their argument which was about the bride leaving your OH out before and that's when they were friends.

leighavfc

Il try and get back to you all today, just at work. Partner woke up still upset and not really saying much so will have to see how it pans out today.

Happier_Me

Well your mates fiancee seems like a bit of a piece of work to me. She has a grudge and her invite choices are designed to not only exclude your partner but punish you and her fiance by testing your friendship

I think you should attend the wedding because this is your best mate and it's important you support him. He has done nothing wrong in the scheme of things
and it seems like your partner recognises this and doesn't want anything to damage your friendship (and I think she's right). Is there a spa attached to the hotel? Can you partner have a probably long overdue pamper while you're at the wedding?

Then you need to decide whether to attend the evening reception. Part of me thinks you should leave as soon as possible after the wedding and then return with your partner that evening. Rise above the whole pathetic attempt to drive a wedge between all of you and have a good time. But I think your partner needs to make that decision...and if she doesn't go neither do you!

NeilCr

Mostly agree with Happier Me. I think the onus is on your partner here. Personally, I'd go with gritting my teeth and getting through it for your sake. This guy is really important to you.

I am slightly surprised this hasn't come up before. The invites were sent out six months. I know you said you and your brother hadn't really discussed it but I assume you have talked about the hotel and travel arrangements etc. And your OH not being asked to the ceremony was an issue for both of you.

I do agree with others that this is a difficult and awkward situation.

Poor_Single_lady

She might be surprised you haven't put her first and made a decision already to not go
Your Indecisiveness would frustrate me enourmoysly if I was your other half and I would feel very hurt.

That said to me your posts make it sound like you are enjoying the drama. I could well be wrong but it's just my perspective.

warby68

If this really is your best mate, a frank discussion is in order.

He clearly understands that the situation is 'not right' so should respect a decision to stay away. You attending just the ceremony is a lovely way to show your friendship as this is the main part of a wedding anyway and not attending the party bits shows support for your partner. I actually don't see how you can go now anyway when its fairly clearly there is ill feeling and your partner has been snubbed.

As you are changing your mind at the last minute and there may be costs involved and a spare place at the reception, make it clear why - learning who is on the guest list has made you realize how much it is about the ill feeling and not about the numbers.

What a tough situation though - in fairness, this may be your mate's clumsy way of trying to get round the problem so don't make it a friendship breaker. Be the gracious one if you can. And also don't let your partner have to make any choice, hers is the worse position. You discuss it with your friend and take the lead.

Even if they deny there is ill feeling, your partner's feelings of embarrassment, awkwardness etc when other partners ARE attending are perfectly valid too.

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

What is it with weddings. They are a nightmare. My dad no longer speaks to his brother because of my cousins wedding. They just cause such problems. Sorry but I don't really have any helpful advice but just wanted to say that hopefully it will all work out ok for you.

Pollycat

Their wedding, their choice of who to invite.

But...it does sound somewhat nasty and vindictive to invite your brother's girlfriend (who's never met them) and not your partner.

I too am surprised that this has only just come up now, so close to the wedding.
I think if OH and I had been in a similar position, I'd have decided that I didn't even want to attend the evening 'do' and would have left him to decide how he wanted to play things.
I'd guess he'd have opted to go to the ceremony only as someone else has suggested.
Then again, neither of us likes weddings.

Be prepared for your best mate to gradually drop you out of his new married life.
It's his wedding too and if he has so little say over who comes to his own wedding, the bride will probably manage to drive a wedge between you.

troubleinparadise

Pollycat: Be prepared for your best mate to gradually drop you out of his new married life.

It's his wedding too and if he has so little say over who comes to his own wedding, the bride will probably manage to drive a wedge between you.

When I glance back at whose weddings my OH and I went to where we were principally friends with the groom, it sadly does seem to have been the case that those friendships have faded away, unless the two men have had an ongoing shared work or sporting hobby.

I suspect women are the drivers of socialising, and will select those who they know and like, and drop those of their OH.

That the bride is being allowed to dictate attendees here plus the sly behaviours bodes badly for your ongoing friendship, OP, unless you make an effort to keep up with him. But it would be cruel to your OH to force her into sticky social situations after this spiteful effort.

Grezz24

Personally I would go to the day event to show support for my friend, but i would then come home after the meal and not stop to the reception.

I would also speak to your wife more in the matter and see what her views are of it all. I would also argue that he isn't that good of a friend if he didn't either:

1. argue for your wife to be invited
2. told you about this before the invites

If my best friend put me in a situation where i had to choose between him and my wife then i would choose my wife, as surely a friend should never put you in that situation in the first instance. Your wife is who you have built your life with and will be feeling this more than you so id make her a priority on this one.