Huge wedding problem :(

Pollycat

calleyw wrote: »

Not really as the OP partner is no longer part of the social circle. Its seems to the bride a non friend now.


Its now the groom inviting his friend to the wedding. Also seems like its a small wedding and the numbers need to be kept down. So why would you invite someone you don't like or get on with.


As has already been said if I had been best friends and no longer was why would I expect to be invited. And I personally would feel very uncomfortable going.



So I suppose that all guests who only get an evening only invite like the Op's partner should be offended and upset and feel second best.


I feel lucky to invited at all to any part of someones wedding. That they have given me any thought at all to be part of there big day.


Note to self. If I ever get married again I am going to elope. To much politics and backstabbing in what should be a wonderful happy day


Yours


Calley x

Yes, really it is different.

There is a difference between someone who hardly knows the couple getting married (i.e. you) and someone who used to be a very good friend (i.e. the OP's partner).

Personally, I wouldn't want to attend the wedding of someone who used to be my best friend but had sidelined me some years ago.
I'd probably hope not to get an invite.
As a bride(zilla) with a limited guest list, I'd probably rather have my husband-to-be's best friend's partner (despite the fact that we're no longer friends) rather than the girlfriend of his brother whom I'd never met.
But that's me.

I suspect that this falling out was much more serious than the OP thought (or more serious than he wants to tell us).

Tabbytabitha

leighavfc wrote: »

Well quite clearly you have skim read the whole thing.... it was sorted as far as we were concerned............

I think you're forgetting what you posted.

"They patched things up in the end due to my missus trying to diffuse the whole thing by apolgising for telling her how she felt as a friend and the bride brushing all off like it was all my partners fault. but things have nowhere near been the same since. They havent seen each other."

Not my idea of "sorted".

The bride and your partner are, by your own admission, no longer friends and don't even see each other. I can't see any reason why she should have expected to have been invited to the wedding at all, much less to a comparatively intimate meal for close friends and family.

Tabbytabitha

Pollycat wrote: »

Yes, really it is different.

There is a difference between someone who hardly knows the couple getting married (i.e. you) and someone who used to be a very good friend (i.e. the OP's partner).

Personally, I wouldn't want to attend the wedding of someone who used to be my best friend but had sidelined me some years ago.
I'd probably hope not to get an invite.
As a bride(zilla) with a limited guest list, I'd probably rather have my husband-to-be's best friend's partner (despite the fact that we're no longer friends) rather than the girlfriend of his brother whom I'd never met.
But that's me.

I suspect that this falling out was much more serious than the OP thought (or more serious than he wants to tell us).

Your ex best friend is the very last person you'd want to invite to a wedding - a stranger doesn't know where the bodies are buried.;)

Pollycat

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Your ex best friend is the very last person you'd want to invite to a wedding - a stranger doesn't know where the bodies are buried.;)

I can see that point of view.



But personally, I think I'd suck it up and let my husband-to-be have his best friend at the wedding even if it meant having my ex best friend there too.

Tabbytabitha

Pollycat wrote: »

I can see that point of view.



But personally, I think I'd suck it up and let my husband-to-be have his best friend at the wedding even if it meant having my ex best friend there too.

It may depend on the level of discretion that the OP's partner is likely to show, particularly when alcohol's involved. An ex friend with a grudge could ruin the whole wedding if she really put her mind to it.

humptydumptybits

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I was about to suggest this compromise myself.

My DD is getting married next year. Day guests are costing £100 so I think accepting and then not attending is incredibly rude. If someone did that to me it would be the end of the friendship.

humptydumptybits

leighavfc wrote: »

Hi,

Jess is my brothers GF, who has never met the bride. The issue here is that out of a 36 person wedding she has been invited and my partner hasnt. My partner and bride had sorted things to an extent. We were under the impression it was ok. Then this happens.

We was only aware of Jess going last night, not a problem with her going but its almost the bride has done this on purpose. My mate had text me the other week asking if my partner was ok about it all and he had been worrying about it all due to the situation. This is what tells me she still has the hump with my OH.

Again i see things from both sides here but am just confused as to why it was apparently sorted and now no invite to the wedding but my brothers GF who she has never met is. Numbers have played a part in this i guess, but lso a dig in there i think.

That sounds incredibly childish, so your partner was OK about going to the evening do but has thrown her toys out of the pram because someone else got an invite for the day.

leighavfc

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Yep, I'm pretty sure that's the attitude the poster meant!

Hi all update coming in around an hour when on lunch... im even gonna react to the atitude or enjoying the drama.... PURE nonsense... but thank you anyway..

Genuine dilemna for me! Thank you to all the posts and replies made so far, gave me a lot... maybe too much more to think about!

Pollycat

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

It may depend on the level of discretion that the OP's partner is likely to show, particularly when alcohol's involved. An ex friend with a grudge could ruin the whole wedding if she really put her mind to it.

So the OP's partner's is a lush who's likely to show herself and everybody else up during the wedding ceremony and meal but not at the evening do...?
Unlikely, imho.
If the OP's partner was likely to demonstrate a lack of discretion, I don't think she would have been invited to any part of the wedding.

Gavin83

humptydumptybits wrote: »

My DD is getting married next year. Day guests are costing £100 so I think accepting and then not attending is incredibly rude. If someone did that to me it would be the end of the friendship.

I agree. I think if the OP doesn't go they're being extremely unreasonable and in the grooms position it would be the end of the friendship for me. If you're that bothered about your wife not being invited the time to refuse the invitation was when the invite was received, not a day before the wedding. To not go now just makes you look petty and like you're trying to make a point. If you're that sort of person go ahead but I could totally understand why someone wouldn't wish to be friends with that kind of person.

The bride doesn't like your wife. It's their wedding. Why should they invite her? I wouldn't wish to have someone at my wedding I don't get on with.