Huge wedding problem :(

leighavfc

Hi all

Posting here tonight in a big dilema about my best mates wedding...

I have been invited to the day but my partner and kids to just the night. All ok you would say..

Story is my partner and i were best friends seperately with the bride and groom before they had met. We as a laugh were trying to get them to go out for a date the one day... and in the end they actually did and the relationship blossomed.

Not that i am claiming to be cupid btw lol!

Around 2 years ago the bride and my partner had a falling out over the bride leaving my partner out and not really bothering with her. Again fine these things happen difference of opinion etc. They patched things up in the end due to my missus trying to diffuse the whole thing by apolgising for telling her how she felt as a friend and the bride brushing all off like it was all my partners fault. but things have nowhere near been the same since. They havent seen each other.

6 months ago i get a save the date card through post. In the weeks following i get the invites... one addressed to me and another addressed to partner and kids. When we opened them i was a little shocked to see my partner wasnt invited to the day and just to the evening. After stewing for a couple of days and talking to OH i came to the conclusion that at least she was invited to something and i could see the reasons both ways of why. At the time she said wouldnt go as she was upset at not being invited to the day with me.

As time passed she mellowed and decided the best thing to do would be go and try and get things back on track a little with her. We decided not to take kids as they are young and energetic, to the point where we just would not enjoy it. They are 5 and 2 and a half.

The spanner in the works comes here.... my brother phoned me tonight saying he had sorted early check in on our hotel. Whilst on the phone my partner shouts to my brother "Tell jess we can go out for lunch whilst the boys at wedding".. to which my brother replies "oh she not going the wedding then?" No, just the night" i reply. "Jess will be at the wedding" he says...

We never knew this as i hadnt really spoke to my bro about the wedding until tonight. Partner looked at me and just said im going bed... i went up a little later to find her in tears in bed. Im guessing she is not going to go now which i kind of understand tbh. But now im questioning what i should do

The groom is literally my BEST mate. Sorry for long post, feels better being able to get it out

What would you do? I half think i should stand up for OH and not go.. but this will result in me and groom falling out probably which i really dont need if im honest.

svain

Suely if it is your genuine "best mate" ... you can have a conversation with him and figure this out?

leighavfc

svain wrote: »

Suely if it is your genuine "best mate" ... you can have a conversation with him and figure this out?

We have apoke about it and he says there is only enough space for 36 people. And also said theres not much i can say or do which will change it. He also text me the other day saying he was stressing about it himself. Maybe my friend could have or should have done more, but their wedding and if she dont want her their thats fair enough... but that obviously puts me in a tough situation. Which again is not their problem... but you see where im coming from.

In other words the bride has still got the hump with her im guessing.. although she hasnt done much if anything wrong and i guess the time has pushed them apart.

Stupidly i forgot to mention... the wedding is Saturday..

missile

Guess you need to decide who is more important in your life your wife or your bestie?

POPPYOSCAR

No way would one of us go without the other and it would have been like that from the start.

I would not blame your partner for not going at all.

And yes you should stand by your OH, she is the one you live with, not your mate, best or otherwise!

leighavfc

missile wrote: »

Guess you need to decide who is more important in your life your wife or your bestie?

Yeah i guess so... bloody tough though. My partner is obviously the most important person in my life and mother to my kids. My friend is a very very close second purely on how he has helped me through a lot of bad times in my life and always been there for me.

I wont sleep tonight thinking about it... genuinely feel like crap and no clue how i sort this without upsetting someone. Inevitably i will upset one or the other with what i do. Im sure my OH will want me to go regardless of what she does. I wont be happy unless she comes.. but i will fully agree and appreciate her decision and back it.

leighavfc

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

No way would one of us go without the other and it would have been like that from the start.

I would not blame your partner for not going at all.

And yes you should stand by your OH, she is the one you live with, not your mate, best or otherwise!

Thank you.

See the more i think the more i agree. Without going into detail i cant stress how much my pal has done for me, almost to the stage where he is more like family to me than some of my own family. I really am in a tough place at the minute with this.

elsien

missile wrote: »

Guess you need to decide who is more important in your life your wife or your bestie?

Maybe so, but his wife should also give some thought to the difficulties she's putting the OP in, especially as she and the bride haven't exactly had the closest relationship for the last two years.

Partners don't need to be joined at the hip, and it does all sound a bit juvenile from where I'm sitting.
You've said your wife will want you to go regardless of what she does, so I'd stick with that.

in_my_wellies

I would just go to the evening do with your partner

Money_maker

I'm guessing that as he's your best mate, you're his best man?


Ask your partner what she wants you to do. Then go along with it. I'm sure she wont ask you to miss your best friends wedding. If theres been bad feeling between her and the bride then it's hardly surprising. End of the day, the wedding is between two people and it's up to them who they invite. On the bright side, it'll all be over in 2 days!

leighavfc

Money_maker wrote: »

I'm guessing that as he's your best mate, you're his best man?


Ask your partner what she wants you to do. Then go along with it. I'm sure she wont ask you to miss your best friends wedding. If theres been bad feeling between her and the bride then it's hardly surprising. End of the day, the wedding is between two people and it's up to them who they invite. On the bright side, it'll all be over in 2 days!

No his brother is best man to be fair!

No i totally agree its their wedding, and it is what it is. The last time they spoke it was sorted so to speak.. then this happens. I just feel so sorry for my partner as people like my brothers GF have never met the bride. I think this is the hardest part for her and she just does not get why things were ok and now she has not been invited after thinking things were not gret but at least ok.