Huge wedding problem :(

AylesburyDuck

jackieblack wrote: »

On the other hand, it sounds like his wife is a functioning mature adult who, while saddened at not being invited to the wedding of someone she used to be friends with, can survive without her partner for a few hours on a single day and is happy for him to go and support his best mate.


Not every couple feels the need to be joined at the hip for every single moment of every single day.

Totally disagree,
While the OP may well think this, and hell the wife might even be deluded enough to think this.................it will however make a real nasty return if things in the marriage begin to stale!
No, he's never ever going to be able to get away from the fact that he chose his best friend and spiteful wife over his partner.
And i agree with other posters, the wife will never have been able to say this out loud because then she wouldnt have been seen as the bigger person, but deep down...:eek:
And i fully believe it will come to haunt him, maybe not for a fair few years, maybe tomorrow, but definitely sometime!

NeilCr

Whichever side of the discussion you are on this I have no idea how anyone can guarantee how someone they have never met will feel.

We can only go on what the OP says (as with most things on MSE) and, from that, his OH is okay with what has happened. I know my OH well enough to know that she says what she means and that may well be the case here.

AylesburyDuck

NeilCr wrote: »

Whichever side of the discussion you are on this I have no idea how anyone can guarantee how someone they have never met will feel.

We can only go on what the OP says (as with most things on MSE) and, from that, his OH is okay with what has happened. I know my OH well enough to know that she says what she means and that may well be the case here.

While you may well be correct, i think "mostly" women are posting from "a womens point of view" and while i concede there are exceptions to every rule, men have a long history of not being able to interpret women and vice versa.
Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus and all that!
And i should also point out that, as per his own stereo type the man asked for advice when he'd already made up his mind what he was going to do!:rotfl::rotfl:

NeilCr

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

While you may well be correct, i think "mostly" women are posting from "a womens point of view" and while i concede there are exceptions to every rule, men have a long history of not being able to interpret women and vice versa.
Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus and all that!
And i should also point out that, as per his own stereo type the man asked for advice when he'd already made up his mind what he was going to do!:rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl::rotfl:

Which it is why it is refreshing to have not only a partner who says what she means and encourages me to do the same (with no repercussions) but to have a number of female friends from the same ilk.

No chance of misunderstandings!

:beer::beer:

gettingtheresometime

My take on the day's events, speaking as a wife, is that I could understand you going to the wedding & reception but would feel hurt that you chose to stay to the evening do.


The first thing that crossed my mind when the OP said that one of the bridesmaids made a play for him was whether it had, in someway, been set up by the bride which if successful would have been a double whammy - break up the friendship of the husbands and hurt the wife at the same time.

Marvel1

pimento wrote: »

Your wife might be saying she's cool with it but I guarantee she isn't.

Do you have a personal connection with her to know this?

Marvel1

The way I see it (seems others fail to), OP ad groom are piggy in the middle to it all.

If anyone issued me an ultimatum - then sorry it's the one who issued it would be gone, don't need this kind of rubbish, I'm my own person not be controlled by someone.

Pollycat

NeilCr wrote: »

Whichever side of the discussion you are on this I have no idea how anyone can guarantee how someone they have never met will feel.

We can only go on what the OP says (as with most things on MSE) and, from that, his OH is okay with what has happened. I know my OH well enough to know that she says what she means and that may well be the case here.

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

While you may well be correct, i think "mostly" women are posting from "a womens point of view" and while i concede there are exceptions to every rule, men have a long history of not being able to interpret women and vice versa.
Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus and all that!
And i should also point out that, as per his own stereo type the man asked for advice when he'd already made up his mind what he was going to do!:rotfl::rotfl:

OK.
Here's my take on the situation as a woman.
If I found out that I wasn't invited to the main wedding but someone whom the bride had never met, I'd be disinclined to go to the evening do.
However, given my OH was best mates with the groom, I'd agree to go, disregarding my hurt feelings.
I would suggest (not 'tell') that my OH go to the ceremony and the meal.
I would make it clear - truthfully and honestly - that I thought that was the best thing to do under the circumstances.

If I'd tried several times to get in touch with the bride to wish her good luck and had no reply, I would at that point decide not to attend the evening do.

Again - honestly and truthfully - I'd give my OH the option whether to go to the evening do.
I wouldn't see his attendance there as important as the ceremony and meal but would leave it to him to decide.

What I wouldn't be happy with would be to see potential photos on social media of one of the bridesmaids doing her best to get off with my OH.
I would expect more loyalty from him.
I'm pretty sure if that happened, he'd bail out of the 'party' rather than stay and risk upsetting me.
Especially if he suspected - as the OP did at the time - that it had been engineered by the bride.

pimento

cjdavies wrote: »

Do you have a personal connection with her to know this?

We share a double X chromosome.

warby68

Oh wow

You went and stayed for the whole thing

Your poor wife - you chose to allow her full and extended humiliation and in no way compromised to show equal support for both 'sides'. It doesn't matter how generous she was with her offer and how much she meant it. You should have shown her the same kindness. Imagine her joy if you'd come home to snuggle up with her and shown you really couldn't have a whale of a time without her in these circumstances. Instead you partied with the best of them including engaging with bridesmaids with dodgy intentions.

Did anyone in the whole thread agree with this course of action? I don't remember it.

This was all about you really.

Your wife DOES sound like a gem. I hope you make it up to her very quickly and very well.