Huge wedding problem :(

Mojisola

leighavfc wrote: »

Phoned partner away from everyone to tell her the situation

I was going to leave the evening do early and go home with a friend to which my partner replied no stay as long as you want and enjoy yourself

happyandcontented wrote: »

I would probably have said that too, but because she didn't spell it out to him ( and really, you would have thought he could work it out for himself) doesn't mean that she was happy for him to stay.

I think the phone call from her whilst he was at the wedding re her and the kids 'not being able to wait to see him' speaks volumes about her real thoughts on the matter.

As I read it, he phoned her and she said to stay.

happyandcontented

leighavfc wrote: »

Ok so how the hell could i have got home after already having a fair share of beer before the meal...drink drive?? being around 30 mile away from home...plus my wife being not able to drive... plus paying for the hotel for us both before the problems arose? A friend was going home but decided to stay instead... and besides all that she had been texting me all evening how it was all going, send me some pics. I hope your having a good time.. the facts are there to see... a few on here are trying to see things that are simply not there..

Infact i took her out yesterday for some retail therapy, a meal and drinks so please dont preach your absolute nonsense about my wife who again had told me too enjoy myself... who during the course of the day kept in touch with me... who again phoned me to say me and kids cant wait to see you... honestly cannot understand what planet some of you live on. YOU DONT KNOW MY WIFE FGS!!

That was the phone call I referred to. And the way the OP words ' during the day kept in touch with me' implies that (to me)she was the one who contacted him previously.

NeilCr

happyandcontented wrote: »

That was the phone call I referred to. And the way the OP words ' during the day kept in touch with me' implies that (to me)she was the one who contacted him previously.

And that's why it is better to be clear and say what you mean

To me when I first saw the "me and the kids" comment I read it as her reassuring him that all was well between them. That's based on her knowing that he was not sure he should have gone and worried about how she was feeling.

Not saying either of us is right or wrong. Just pointing out how easy it is to see the same thing with different eyes and where "reading between the lines" can go astray.

happyandcontented

NeilCr wrote: »

And that's why it is better to be clear and say what you mean

To me when I first saw the "me and the kids" comment I read it as her reassuring him that all was well between them. That's based on her knowing that he was not sure he should have gone and worried about how she was feeling.

Not saying either of us is right or wrong. Just pointing out how easy it is to see the same thing with different eyes and where "reading between the lines" can go astray.

Maybe you are right, but to me, her ringing him during the wedding and saying that seems odd. They have been together some years and he was away for the day, not posted to the front line! In fact, I would have waited for him to get a moment to ring me rather than risk disturbing an important moment.

NeilCr

happyandcontented wrote: »

Maybe you are right, but to me, her ringing him during the wedding and saying that seems odd. They have been together some years and he was away for the day, not posted to the front line! In fact, I would have waited for him to get a moment to ring me rather than risk disturbing an important moment.

Sure.

But we are both second guessing. Much better, if she didn't want him to go in the evening or to stay for only a short time, to say so a la Pollycat. And leave the final decision to him

happyandcontented

NeilCr wrote: »

Sure.

But we are both second guessing. Much better, if she didn't want him to go in the evening or to stay for only a short time, to say so a la Pollycat. And leave the final decision to him

Of course, it would have been better, but not everyone can be so upfront (especially as it was his best friends wedding) and perhaps she expected him to make the 'right' decision for himself. That doesn't make her wrong.

warby68

leighavfc wrote: »

Ok so how the hell could i have got home after already having a fair share of beer before the meal...drink drive?? being around 30 mile away from home...plus my wife being not able to drive... plus paying for the hotel for us both before the problems arose? A friend was going home but decided to stay instead... and besides all that she had been texting me all evening how it was all going, send me some pics. I hope your having a good time.. the facts are there to see... a few on here are trying to see things that are simply not there..

Infact i took her out yesterday for some retail therapy, a meal and drinks so please dont preach your absolute nonsense about my wife who again had told me too enjoy myself... who during the course of the day kept in touch with me... who again phoned me to say me and kids cant wait to see you... honestly cannot understand what planet some of you live on. YOU DONT KNOW MY WIFE FGS!!

Shall i take a pot guess at who and what your wife is about? No i wont bother, ive never met her so have nothing to base my guesses on.

Me and my wife have a great relationship.. i have known her for 15 years, been together for 10 years and married for 4 year. She speaks her mind and so do i so will everybody who thjnks shes mad turn it in... infact today i had message to say ive brough you tickets for the football in a few weeks time... yeah she absolutely furious with me that she has spent money to get me out the house again :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::beer: what the hell am i going to do?

I know my partner as well as her own mom and dad do. She is not a maniac that sets me up to fall down simple as that. She speaks her mind i know where i stand and do not have to worry about it popping up in the future.... THERE IS NO PROBLEM AT ALL. PLEASE READ AND TAKE IT ON BOARD!!!

I will NOT be posting anymore in this thread

IM OUT!! Thank you for all the normal understanding people in here!

I'm the wife not the husband and I say what I mean lol.

As for the excuse about getting home - you sound like a teenager.

What I'm trying to tell you is just because your wife gave her genuine blessing it doesn't actually make it right for you to take full (more than full in this case) advantage.

I'm really glad you spoilt her a bit straight away though.

What I think is truly wrong and might have future consequences is the full on win and ammunition you handed to the difficult bride. You have been played fully there.

NeilCr

happyandcontented wrote: »

Of course, it would have been better, but not everyone can be so upfront (especially as it was his best friends wedding) and perhaps she expected him to make the 'right' decision for himself. That doesn't make her wrong.

And there you go again. "Expect to make the right decision". Much easier to make that decision when you know how the other party actually feels about it. Not guessing.

My OH has a large family (including a number of grandchildren). I am the only child of only children, have no kids of my own and, frankly, am uncomfortable around them. When we started going out she'd ask me to family gatherings and I would, dutifully, go as I felt I should.

After a while she said to me that she could see it was difficult for me. She then said she would understand if I didn't go but to be straight with her if I didn't want to. She would like me to be there, obviously, but wouldn't hold it against me if I didn't go. And, that made it easier for me to go because I didn't feel obliged. We've worked it out now that she doesn't ask me to the "screaming grandchildren" ones and I go to the others!

Communication between us sorted it out. We've got the same thing with a band I want to see. She hasn't heard of them and I suspect she won't like them. I said that to her. She asked me if I'd go by myself. I said probably not. She said she'd come - then suggested going up early and having lunch with friends. Then she could sleep through the band!

:rotfl::rotfl:

She has encouraged me to be open - she says how she feels about things but, as Pollycat says, leaves the decision to me - with full knowledge of her take on it. And no comebacks whatever I decide.

Funnily enough, apparently, I pretty much always come to the right conclusion!

:T:T

leighavfc

warby68 wrote: »

I'm the wife not the husband and I say what I mean lol.

As for the excuse about getting home - you sound like a teenager.

What I'm trying to tell you is just because your wife gave her genuine blessing it doesn't actually make it right for you to take full (more than full in this case) advantage.

I'm really glad you spoilt her a bit straight away though.

What I think is truly wrong and might have future consequences is the full on win and ammunition you handed to the difficult bride. You have been played fully there.

Sorry i do apologise about getting the wife bit wrong!!

Ok i do see where your coming from but i reiterate that me and my wife are straight talking and i was under no illusions of what was right and wrong when i walked out the door. I know where the line is and i never cross it. This is why i knew i was under no pressure to come home on the night amd she wanted me to enjoy myself. I had already paid £100 + for a hotel room and taxis from the middle of nowhere driving 30 miles home would have cost silly money. But this is why the straight talking stuff is important as i know where i stand. No hidden agenda, no guessing... all cards on table is the only way to be in my eyes. I cannot see how a relationship works any other way

Everybody who knows me knows that i put everybody else before myself, admittedly none of you here can back me up on this. I went to the wedding knowing i could stay as long as i like and even overnight if i so wish too, i cannot see how anybody can say to me that i have done wrong as the person who i have supposedly done wrong is 100 % behind my decision... yet i am wrong in some peoples eyes on here. Thats fine and thats just others opinion.. but there must be loads of insecure relationships out there if that is the case.

I was gone for less than 24 hours and immediately took the wife and kids out to spoil them. I didnt have to do this either but i did as a thank you for being 1 in a million and completly taking the stress and pressure off me. Sounds like a few on here are spoken to in riddles and made to make wild guesses on what their wife or husband is saying to them... this is just daft in my opinion.

We are not bothered about the bride anymore, it was about me supporting somebody who means so much to me and spending his most important day of his life with him.. all day, half a day whatever it doesnt matter. If my wife was that concerned she WOULD have said so.. she doesnt shirk.. trust me i know.we spoke about the bride last night and put it to bed, we know where we stand with her and will not be entertaining her prescence in the future. My wife put it to me like this.. you two are in the middle, why should i spoil the day for the groom having his closest friend there just because the bride has it in for me?

warehouse

In this thread I've read several times about weddings ruining relationships between family members. That's utter nonsense. What weddings do is bring out the bride/grooms real self, in this particular case a very nasty and manipulative individual. It's the individuals who ruin families due to selfishness and bullyng behaviour.

A very good and close friend of mine married someone who portrayed almost identical traits to this bride in that she chose which of my friends friends she would get on with, and the rest she did her very best to cut out of his life with antics such as the OP has seen. The wedding was a classic example with so many of his friends missing that it was obvious something was up. In his case, (as in this case), he didn't stand up to her and let her appalling behaviour go unchecked.

Ten years later she divorced him and took him for everything he had. She utterly ruined him and left him homeless and almost totally friendless.

OP, I have only two things to add. After my experience/life lesson from this woman I would never give in to such behaviour again. You going was partly giving her license to carry on acting this way, and as time passes you may see that her behaviour slowly cuts you out of his life as well. I'm not saying you were wrong, just that I'd have stayed in with my wife & kids after living through a similar person.

Lastly, your friend will need you one day when she ****s all over him. Don't let this person come between you.