Huge wedding problem :(

NeilCr

Primrose wrote: »

I think you have behaved with a great deal of dignity and good manners in a difficult situation.

However despite your friend saying he won't allow it to affect your future relationship, I suspect that unless you are very close and determined friends inevitably ,it may do. So be prepared for it.

He will have stronger divided loyalties now and probably a rather petty and spiteful wife to keep onside. If she behaves with such pettiness in her marriage it may not be too long before your chum is crying on your shoulder that it's all falling apart and wanting to borrow your sofa to sleep on.

Or, it may be, having made her point and got her way on her big day she may not be overly bothered about her husband and his best mate having a few beers every now and then. After all her beef is with Mrs OP who, I have to say, has come out of this better than anyone else.

Thankfully she didn't go the way of "it's him or me" as suggested by some on here.

leighavfc

Primrose wrote: »

I think you have behaved with a great deal of dignity and good manners in a difficult situation.

However despite your friend saying he won't allow it to affect your future relationship, I suspect that unless you are very close and determined friends inevitably ,it may do. So be prepared for it.

He will have stronger divided loyalties now and probably a rather petty and spiteful wife to keep onside. If she behaves with such pettiness in her marriage it may not be too long before your chum is crying on your shoulder that it's all falling apart and wanting to borrow your sofa to sleep on.

Yeah i agree with all that but the bride has no problem with me at all, groom had said to me in a meet up recently that i was the only friend of his that she genuinely likes and has time for. She had said this to me personally in the past also. Hard to get my head round that after the situation she has created and stress caused for me.

It would take a hell of a lot for me and groom to fall out, weve been through a lot together and always had a strong relationship even through all this. Infact both sets of parents said thank you to me for bringing them together with grooms dad saying to me it was because of me and wife that yesterday happened which was nice to hear although we didnt do much lol He also said that he liked my wife and wishes it was all so different. Best man (grooms brother) also said as much and went out his way to text my partner this morning saying he would pop down to see us soon and that he has a lot of time for us both.

Sad it has come to this really!

Kynthia

I'm glad things are good with both your friend and your wife. It must be upsetting for her to have her friend do this but I bet she's glad she avoided any drama by either attending the evening do or asking you not to go. People can tell when one party is being dignified and not trying to inflame a situation and it reflects well on them.

annandale

Thankfully she didn't go the way of "it's him or me" as suggested by some on here.

Not sure people were saying its him or me. Even if the Op hadnt gone am sure he and the groom would still have been mates

The issue was going and leaving his wife alone while he went to the wedding after she had been snubbed by the bride

Loyalty is a big thing for some people and I personally don't think the OP showed much loyalty towards his wife in this whole scenario

NeilCr

annandale wrote: »

Not sure people were saying its him or me. Even if the Op hadnt gone am sure he and the groom would still have been mates

The issue was going and leaving his wife alone while he went to the wedding after she had been snubbed by the bride

Loyalty is a big thing for some people and I personally don't think the OP showed much loyalty towards his wife in this whole scenario

Well posts #183 and 184 for a start.

And yes they would have still been mates but it was important for OP to be at the wedding for his friend who had done a lot for him. OP's wife understood, took the pressure off him and it went as well as it could have given the circumstances

Do you think the groom should have shown loyalty to the bride and supported her decision?

leighavfc

annandale wrote: »

Not sure people were saying its him or me. Even if the Op hadnt gone am sure he and the groom would still have been mates

The issue was going and leaving his wife alone while he went to the wedding after she had been snubbed by the bride

Loyalty is a big thing for some people and I personally don't think the OP showed much loyalty towards his wife in this whole scenario

We will have to agree to disagree... in no way does my wife look at me going to the wedding in this situation as being disloyal to her in any shape or form... i have stated several thousand times in this thread... wait for it.... she wanted me to go... infact she would have been more !!!!ed off if i had not gone after her telling me too. When she says something she means it.. and if she had kicked off about me going then i would have a decision to make. My loyalty to her made me create this thread, i really do not see how it can be construed any other way.

Its not a question of who i should place my loyalty with, i asked for peoples opinion on what they would do in this situation.

People who tell people to do something whilst secretly wanting the opposite and waiting for them to trip up are pathetic. Just as the papers do with the England football team... build build build then desth by firing squad when it all goes to pot.

MysteryMe

I don't think the bride likes the OP as much as he thinks she does considering he posted

"Interestingly 2 of the bridesmaids who i barely know and have only met once in my whole life and dont know my partner came up to me saying where is she, why she not coming etc. Obviously prepped to get info out of me from the bride!!!"

The bride sounds an awful. Getting married is not a free pass for being rude and disrespectful. I think the OP meeting up with his friend separately would be preferable, assuming his friend's wife allows him.

foolofbeans

leighavfc wrote: »

Update alert!
My partner again told me i am going regardless as me and the groom have been dragged into this really and because of how close we are.
Saturday came partner had not 100% decided which way to go although it wss highly unlikely that she would go due to situation and logistics of getting her there.
Phoned partner away from everyone to tell her the situation and what groom had said to me, and left with her to decide what to do. Partner said no point in coming when its going to be awkward as F and probably embarrassing for her as people had been asking where she is and why she not there all day.
I was going to leave the evening doo early and go home with a friend to which my partner replied no stay as long as you want and enjoy yourself.. bless her she is golden and took all the pressure off me so i could enjoy it as much ad i could.
And strangely enough one of them was trying it on with me for most of the night!!! Even the groom had noticed this and said to her he has got a wife and kids you know ... to which she smiled and shrugged her shoulders apparently..
Me and the groom had a nice chat after it all saying regardless of all the nonsense we will not let it affect our relationship. Partner was happy for me and also pleased that she didnt got after hearing all i told her.
Thanks guys case closed. Unfortunately things will never be the same again now, at least we all know where we stand now.

I'm glad you're wife is such a martyr. I feel really sorry for her as not only has her friend behaved badly towards her but her partner has too.
I realise the dilemma you were in due to the last minute info about the extent of the bride's snubbing but you rubbed salt into the wound by not only going to the wedding but staying for the reception after and THEN you stayed for the evening do. Where you probably were flattered by getting hit on by the bridesmaid.

I know posters have said the wife shouldn't say she's ok unless she genuinely thought she would be be but I think it is very difficult to do anything but be a martyr when a partner is showing their eagerness to go to their best friends wedding. Saying you will do whatever the wife wants is really unfair when they are aware of what you want to do and that to say anything other than "go and enjoy yourself" puts them in a negative light.
Well played OP. Phoning up to say you will not stay for the evening do if they don't want you to was the ultimate manipulation.

foolofbeans

leighavfc wrote: »

People who tell people to do something whilst secretly wanting the opposite and waiting for them to trip up are pathetic.

Almost as pathetic as the partner who says he will do exactly what their wife wants them too, knowing that the wife could not ask them to show loyalty to her without being labelled as behaving as badly as the bride.
If you had enough doubt in your head that you had to ask for others opinions then I fear you already know what the right thing to do was but chose to play it so you get your own way while pretending to be an understanding husband.

leighavfc

foolofbeans wrote: »

I'm glad you're wife is such a martyr. I feel really sorry for her as not only has her friend behaved badly towards her but her partner has too.
I realise the dilemma you were in due to the last minute info about the extent of the bride's snubbing but you rubbed salt into the wound by not only going to the wedding but staying for the reception after and THEN you stayed for the evening do. Where you probably were flattered by getting hit on by the bridesmaid.

I know posters have said the wife shouldn't say she's ok unless she genuinely thought she would be be but I think it is very difficult to do anything but be a martyr when a partner is showing their eagerness to go to their best friends wedding. Saying you will do whatever the wife wants is really unfair when they are aware of what you want to do and that to say anything other than "go and enjoy yourself" puts them in a negative light.
Well played OP. Phoning up to say you will not stay for the evening do if they don't want to was the ultimate manipulation.

Ok its funny how my wife has been completly fine with me... chatting about the wholed dsy showing her pics etc. You obviously knoe her much better than i do. I NEVER said to her i was not going to the evening doo it was a suggrstion i was considering before the wedding so please dont skim read... clearly stated this.

Flattered by the bridesmaid hitting on me... are you kidding??? I hsve a wife and kids i love dearly.. dont judge me when you have never met me...i font agree at all with your post but that doesnt automatically make me think your an idiot. i found it strange one min she was asking me where my wife was who she has never met and also mirraculously knew her name.. then asking me to dance buy her a drink and all the rest of it.. if i was flattered i would have encouraged it surely?

Probablt the worst post in this thread... theres been a few. Dont worry though i wont judge you based on your posts like you clearly have with mine