Huge wedding problem :(

pickledonionspaceraider

annandale wrote: »

She's said she's happy for you to go with or without her.

.

Unless she is one of those ladies who say 'I am fine' when really she is fuming.

If it were me, I would tell OH to go. and hope he makes the right choice. If he chose to put his mate and bride, who clearly had no respect for him and me, I would NOT be happy

OP I think it is a test whatever you chose, your actions will speak - and if you think you will go, come home and it never get mentioned again...then Good Luck to ya

gettingtheresometime

annandale wrote: »

So if your wife isn't putting pressure on you as you indicated earlier then why did you call it a huge wedding problem.

She's said she's happy for you to go with or without her.

What is the issue? You feel bad for going and leaving her at home while you go to the wedding?

I assume that you will know people there who might wonder why she isn't there.

Just as a ps. The groom who you think so highly of. It's his wedding as well. What did he think about the decision to leave your wife out or did he have no say in the matter? Is he happy about this decision.

Because, putting myself in the OP's shoes, I would feel torn.

As for the groom's views on the whole subject of the wedding I would imagine, if he's anything like my husband, he doesn't understand the whole wedding fuss & just wants a quiet life.

Yes he might be embarrassed about the issue but doesn't see it as a bigger issue. Obviously when it's his wife that isn't invited to the wedding, he may just......

NeilCr

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Unless she is one of those ladies who say 'I am fine' when really she is fuming.

If it were me, I would tell OH to go. and hope he makes the right choice. If he chose to put his mate and bride, who clearly had no respect for him and me, I would NOT be happy

OP I think it is a test whatever you chose, your actions will speak - and if you think you will go, come home and it never get mentioned again...then Good Luck to ya

Of course, it could just be that OP's wife is a grown up who, while being upset herself, recognises that OP is in a difficult position and has taken a sensible and supportive decision. Unbelievably, there are those of us in relationships where everything isn't some kind of test and who genuinely understand and try to help when our partners are in this sort of situation. If my partner says something she means it and she has encouraged me to be the same. She doesn't mind what I come up with as long as I am honest and open.

As to the groom. OP has said he is embarrassed and, as I said earlier, I suspect he has got caught between a rock and a hard place. Deep down he thinks OP's wife should be there but his bride to be is absolutely adamant she doesn't want her at the ceremony. The invite to the evening meal is the compromise. I am sure there are going to be differing views on how he should have handled that - I'd just say that, in general, I have found that weddings tend to be more important to the bride than the groom and, as gettingthere says, men often go for the quiet life!

spirit

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yYGdgE67AF8

Pollycat

Gavin83 wrote: »

I saw one recently where the bride demanded her bridesmaids lost weight if they couldn't fit into the size 10 dresses she order and she went through the entire female guest list and uninvited any women she considered too attractive as 'no one should look more pretty than the bride'. Also I'm sure there was another one that demanded that all men were clean shaved. Way OTT.

Didn't the bride of one of the Man U players stipulate a specific dress code.
Trust Posh to 'do her own thing'



https://www.heraldscotland.com/news/12222439.Posh_Spice_fails_to_wear_the_colours_for_a_Manchester_United_wedding/

Lozz

Lots of comments about how bride/groom/op's partner feels but not many about the op himself.

How do you feel about the situation op, and more importantly how are you going to feel at the actual wedding on your own? It sounds as though it's going to be mostly couples, it's you who has to attend by yourself, maybe sitting at a table with your brother and his gf plus other couples you and your wife may know well, you who has to maybe field questions about her absence and you who has to get through the day/evening solo feeling as you do.

I suspect your wife's non attendance is going to be felt rather more than her actual attendance would have.

I definitely agree your mate should have grown a pair and never have put you in this position in the first place.

Good luck for today whatever you decide.

Lozz x

seven-day-weekend

Lozz wrote: »

Lots of comments about how bride/groom/op's partner feels but not many about the op himself.

How do you feel about the situation op, and more importantly how are you going to feel at the actual wedding on your own? It sounds as though it's going to be mostly couples, it's you who has to attend by yourself, maybe sitting at a table with your brother and his gf plus other couples you and your wife may know well, you who has to maybe field questions about her absence and you who has to get through the day/evening solo feeling as you do.

I suspect your wife's non attendance is going to be felt rather more than her actual attendance would have.

I definitely agree your mate should have grown a pair and never have put you in this position in the first place.

Good luck for today whatever you decide.

Lozz x

If anyone asks where his wife is, I would just tell them the truth, that she wasn't invited.

PrettyKittyKat

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

She does not know her and had never even met her.

This speaks volumes to me what the bride is about.

So she has no real feelings towards this woman then, which is better than someone being there that you have a strained relationship with for alot of people. They (i.e. including the groom!) should have thought about this more and thought if they were inviting one brothers wife that they've never met and not the others whom they have known well then it may be perceived badly so best to just make both evening guests, however lots of people don't think that much in to things especially when wedding planning.

Marvel1

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Unless she is one of those ladies who say 'I am fine' when really she is fuming.

If it were me, I would tell OH to go. and hope he makes the right choice. If he chose to put his mate and bride, who clearly had no respect for him and me, I would NOT be happy

OP I think it is a test whatever you chose, your actions will speak - and if you think you will go, come home and it never get mentioned again...then Good Luck to ya

The OP and the groom have done nothing wrong and are best mates.

Yet your post is a bit conflicting, the groom gets mentioned for not respecting but is probably doing the same as you mentioned choosing his future wife. These 2 blokes cannot win!

Pollycat

PrettyKittyKat wrote: »

So she has no real feelings towards this woman then, which is better than someone being there that you have a strained relationship with for alot of people. They (i.e. including the groom!) should have thought about this more and thought if they were inviting one brothers wife that they've never met and not the others whom they have known well then it may be perceived badly so best to just make both evening guests, however lots of people don't think that much in to things especially when wedding planning.

Amed to that.


However, it may well be that the bride actually gave lots of thought to who she was inviting and the impact it would have on the OP's partner.