Should I ask OH to leave?

consultant31

Kurt_Death wrote: »

A 4 yr old child in nappies is more worrying than your OH's behaviour.

What a perceptive and helpful post - no doubt you're very proud :mad:

needaspirin

Get rid of him at once. He's a bad un and a bully. He'll never change but only get worse. He will probably end up seriously hurting you or your kids.

115K

I agree with the people on here who have really made it clear that this is completely unacceptable and abusive behaviour from your OH. :mad:

Just imagine if your OH had challenged a 13 year old child in the street to a fight, the police would be involved. Just because it is his child does not give him the right to threaten/ bully his son.

I hope you have the strength to deal with what might be a horrible situation but I think you know deep down that your OH's actions are not right.

Gale_10

Kurt,

Actually noony's daughter is probably still in nappies during the day at age four with problems with toilet - DUE to the OH behaviour. Its very common in cases of emotional distress.

Gale

Kimitatsu

There is a bit more to this. OH left us when DD was 9 months old. He was aggressive and argumentative before he left but not really violent (only a bit of pushing really, but the police were called a couple of times as it was very frightening. He used to put his face up close, his nose touching mine and scream and threaten me). He was also having an affair.

I am sorry but how was this ever acceptable? not really violent? if you saw a woman in the street with her OH screaming in her face and threatening her would you be worried enough to call the authorities for fear of violence? I know I would, and thats what your children have to see every day.

His behaviour is not acceptable and IMO has crossed the line. As others have said if you have concerns about his behaviour (and remember there will be police records of them being called to the house) then he can still excercise his right to see his children at a contact centre or a mutually agreed place, it certainly does not have to be his home.

At 13 your sons views will be taken very seriously by the courts and anything he has to add will be given due consideration. For all the horror stories you have heard on the boards the courts are in the main powerless to enforce contact rights (there are twice as many horror stories about that!) especially where the children have expressed an opinion not to go.

You have survived on your own before honey and from the sounds of things YOU were far happier, taking him back for the sake of the kids? Where in that is the happy mum=happy kids equation? They need you to be there for them, not to worry that DD may be upset if Dad leaves. She will be an awful lot more upset if he knocks her for six across the room.

Take a deep breath and look at all the advice on here, there is a womens aid refuge helpline that can be found here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010024&itemTitle=Find+a+local+service
or you can call them 24/7 on 0808 2000 247 or you can email them [EMAIL="helpline@womensaid.org.uk"]helpline@womensaid.org.uk[/EMAIL]

Sometimes just talking it through with people that see this kind of abuse every day and can discuss your options with you can help.

Keep us updated and keep yourself and your little ones safe

Hugs
x

jo03

Your son wants him to stay for his sisters sake bless him but what about a few years down the line maybe when your little girl is a bigger girl might she get the same treatment metered out to her that your son has had- I personally wouldnt chance it.
You will survive this your children will survive this but you and they deserve so much more than a man who takes his frustrations and temper out on a child. If it was me in that situation he would be gone in a heartbeat.Good luck and keep safe.

ampersand

Kurt_Death wrote: »

A 4 yr old child in nappies is more worrying than your OH's behaviour.

######
How about the possibility of 'cause and effect' here?
Unhelpful post.
The occupation of Prison Officer flags itself up, too.

pippamannequin

Try and gain the strength here, from fellow mse'rs. If you read what ive been through you will see you arent alone, and I dont want to lecture or even offer advice, just someone to talk to if you need to. pm me, anytime. x

Gale_10

Hello nonny

We haven't seen you all day, I hope you are ok......

Everyone, if nonny has left she might not be able to post, lets hope that is the case.

I am sure everyone is thinking of you nonny, and your children, be safe and well!

Gale

Catblue

I really feel for you. This is such a sad situation.

Do you have family/friends nearby in whom you can confide, and who can support you? If so, then please contact them and tell them what has been going on.

Your son has said that he wants your OH to leave, but that his sister may be adversely affected, therefore your OH should stay.

Unfortunately, your son has learned through bitter experience that he must put his own welfare to one side and concentrate on what he THINKS may be the best thing for the youngest member of the family, irrespective of the hurt to himself.

He has learned that particular lesson in self-sacrifice from his mother, which is really heartbreaking, and which is why you need to act - for the sake of both of your children.

He is only a child and you are the adult and you are the one who has to make the really difficult decisions.

I know that you feel that you are too timid to make changes, but you are not. Please heed the advice of people on this forum.

You and your family deserve so much better.