Should I ask OH to leave?

nonnythemouse

Hi all,

I know this is a depressing first post but would appreciate any help you can give as I'm very down and depressed about this.

OH and I have a son of 13 and a daughter of 4. Today I came back to the house to find OH had threatened DS, telling him to 'step outside' for a fight. Grabbing the front of his clothes round the neck violently, shouting and being aggressive.

I was told the reason for this was because ds had been 'very cheeky and rude'. He apparently called his sister smelly because she was wearing a pull up nappy (she has problems using the loo for no. 2's!) and had done a poo, so I suppose she was a bit smelly.

This resulted in him threatening DS and challenging him to a fight. Btw OH is 6 foot and 14 stone, DS is 6 stone and considerably smaller.

DS was clearly very frightened.

I got angry and said OH would have to leave or attend anger management/ counselling. OH said he wouldn't as it wasn't his fault as son was cheeky and wouldn't leave either.

What do I do?

I spoke to DS about OH leaving. He said HE would be happy if OH left but DD loves him so would be upset so for his sister's sake he should stay.

But I'm worried about the amount of damage OH could do if he did hit DS who is of v slight build.

BTW son is not a bad child, no staying out late, getting into trouble or anything like that, he's very bright and more into computers. His dad has always been nasty towards him but not to this extent.

OH has gone to bed in a sulk now. He won't admit he's wrong or that he has a problem so I'm worried about it happening again.

What do I do next if anything?

Thanks for any help you can give me.

Emma
xx

Gale_10

What your husband did is child cruelty. There is no excuse. He is bullying your son. I would certainly tell your husband to leave. I am just thinking if my husband did that to my eldest - I would have him out.

If you go out are you going to have to leave your son with your OH? Are you going to be able to do that without worrying? I know I wouldn't. I personally would tell your husband to pack a few things and leave. He might not have hit your son this time but what about next time. If he wont go, call the police and have him taken away. You are worth more than this and so is your son. With that size difference between your husband and your son there is a good chance your husband could kill him. I am not saying he would do that, but he has both the strength and obviously he has a tendency to violence.

I would say do it and do it immediately.

Gale

lab-lover

Lay down the law to your OH, its unacceptable, can you imagine how intimadated and scared your son must have been? I can see its tricky for you but you must think of your son, hes just a child. Have it out tomorow with OH.

Cant say a lot more than that but good luck. xxxx

nonnythemouse

Hi, Thanks for your posts, they are appreciated.

Problem is my son doesn't want me to discuss it with his dad as he says his dad will then take it out on him, he always does and it'll make things worse.

He also doesn't want his dad to leave as he says his sister would be devastated (she is too young to get bullied alot by her dad).

So I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place really.
Emma

superstar_2

Oh come on, i think this not just a big deal. You may say its a cruelity. I think he is trying to discipline your son. It is his OWN son as well, not step son or so .. Has this happened before? Have a chat with your OH, tell him to go easy and there are other ways to tacklle children's discipline. It is quite sad if you left him because if this, IMHO. Just my opinion, no personal offence!

Gale_10

I would suggest that although your son is thinking of his sister, bless him, YOU have to make a decision for your whole family. I am thinking about you and your daughter and son here. Has your husband ever hit you?

Do not make excuses for your husband, and do not let your children do the same.

You say your daughter is too young to get bullied by your husband. At what age do you think he will start to bully her? You are trying to work out when your husband will start to bully your daughter.........she is never going to be old enough to be bullied like this, and your son isn't either.

You have to make the best decision for your family.

Gale

LilMissEmmylou

superstar if you said something in the office that somebody found "cheeky" or rude and they reacted like that what would you call it? just fine? teaching you a lesson? Im on the just because it happens doesnt make it right camp. No real advice for the situation but I do hope you sort it all out soon *hugs* it cant be easy to have to deal with

Loretta

Grabbing your son's clothes and challenging him to a fight outside is not normal discipline from a father to his 13 year old son. you OH is out of control and a danger. Is this how he is with you and other people?

superstar_2

LilMissEmmylou wrote: »

superstar if you said something in the office that somebody found "cheeky" or rude and they reacted like that what would you call it? just fine?

I would apologise if my comments were rude to them, as simple as them!

What i was trying to say is that, think of the whole family. Has this happened before? Have a chat with him at night when you're both relaxed, tell him that it is not appropriate, violence never solved any problems.

Again, my 2 cents, no offence!

lab-lover

Has OH always been like this? xx

miserly_mum

superstar wrote: »

Oh come on, i think this not just a big deal. You may say its a cruelity. I think he is trying to discipline your son. It is his OWN son as well, not step son or so .. Has this happened before? Have a chat with your OH, tell him to go easy and there are other ways to tacklle children's discipline. It is quite sad if you left him because if this, IMHO. Just my opinion, no personal offence!

If you think that a grown man challenging a 13 year old boy to a fight is an acceptable form of discipline I feel sorry for you.