Mother in law problems

chesky

Why didn't you just say 'in that case, I'm not going and if you think anyone else is choosing MY kitchen, think again'. And carry it through. You must contribute to the family finances, so go on strike. Say things aren't coming into YOUR house, unless you've chosen them. Short of violence, they can't do it.

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

How the hell can you put up with that. Who does she think she is seriously. I can understand making certain allowances because of the whole let's not annoy her or she'll top herself thing but does your partner seriously think she'll do something to herself if you get a kitchen she doesn't like!!! You need to put a stop to it NOW. Tell him they are not coming with you on Sunday end of story. If he insists tell him you will tell her yourself since he's not capable and you will also tell her what you think of her. Say you have had enough and if he can't make such a minor decision on his own that when they get back from ikea, you and your stuff will be gone. It's his decision then.

chesky

Does he actually agree with you, or does he deep down think she's always right? Plan a holiday for just the two of you and tell him he's not to tell them about it. If he voluntarily tells them, then he's a lost cause. If he doesn't, send them a postcard. Make it the best holiday ever and show him what life could be like without her.

Mojisola

Mummy2cheekymonkeys wrote: »

How the hell can you put up with that. Who does she think she is seriously.

It's not a new or unusual problem.

I have a relative who came back from honeymoon many years ago to find that her new husband had bought a house without any input from her and her MIL had completely decorated it and chosen all the new furniture (because her darling boy's new wife didn't have the same good taste that she had) and that she was expected to be incredibly grateful.

Her marriage didn't last very long.

chesky

I'm a mother-in-law and I'm REALLY nice.

lindens

chesky wrote: »

why didn't you just say 'in that case, i'm not going and if you think anyone else is choosing my kitchen, think again'. And carry it through. You must contribute to the family finances, so go on strike. Say things aren't coming into your house, unless you've chosen them. Short of violence, they can't do it.

this!!!....

DigForVictory

May I suggest a few practical things?

Open a bank account noone else knows about. Sole & in your name. (Find out what financial products you hold jointly & see what you would "rationalise" as soon as you had left.)

Get your passport, birth certificate, marriage certificate, driving licence, any prescriptions etc and store them at work for a bit.

Get spare keys for the house & car sorted - stash at work. Along with a bag with a couple of changes of work clothes so you do not have to go home, if you can manage that discreetly.

(Does your manager at work know you are 'having problems' in your marriage? Might they be a useful ally? Will they help find a local place to live, or pass on news of relevant vacancies in Glasgow? [Civil servant here - we can relocate folk at need.])

Is there a youth hostel or anything similar nearish work? Can you join, unobtrusively?

Have you set up a webmail account that they do not know about, that you access only on a device they do not have access to (a work pc if necessary, or a cheap tablet)?

Have you a Will? Make one in favour of your sisters, and under English law so he can be left without a tuppence of yours legally. No intention of leaving it like that longer term, but let's not give any hostages to fate.

So far None of this commits you to leaving, but it does mean that as soon as she or he-in-her-thrall goes beyond what you are prepared to put up with, You Can Go.

Candyapple

GlasweJen wrote: »

I know nothings going to change. I just posted to get it off my chest I suppose.

Nothing will change if you don't do anything about it! Why have you already accepted this s*** sandwich as the rest of your life? Good luck to you because you are going to need it! Your life will end up with your MIL moving in with you and your husband giving up his job to look after her and cater to her every whim. Sex life? Yea good luck with that. Maybe if your MIL allows it and thinks that her son has been a good boy! :rotfl:

GlasweJen wrote: »

So husband has booked for us to go to ikea on Sunday, then we were at hers on Tuesday for dinner (it was her birthday) and she announced that FIL "had" to come to ikea with us on Sunday and I was like why? (Still don't know why) and then it was announced that she was coming. I said no and was completely over ruled.

Welcome to the rest of your life. You are forever going to be the doormat. Just wait until you have kids! They won't be your kids, they'll be her kids and she will take over in trying to raise them as you are clearly incompetent and can't be trusted to do such a thing! Watch every little action you take be critiqued. You're doing this wrong! I did it this way, here give me the baby you don't know what you are doing! What an idiot! Then watch your husband be the wimp that he is and not say a word in your defence.

GlasweJen wrote: »

It really is getting me down. When husband has been late collecting me I have sat waiting thinking "if he's not here before the next train/boat I'm just going to get the next one back and go home to Glasgow" he's never been so late that the next one has pulled in but I have seriously been almost there when it's come to leaving. I can't go back to my parents, they've split up and their house is sold, they're moving this month. My sisters both moved away but I could get a hotel for a while until I found somewhere. I don't think I could get any sort of help to leave.

So save up some money to make sure you have a leaving fund. Stop making excuses!


You are fighting a losing battle. You are going to waste years of your life. You will end up regretting not taking action. You have a choice, we always do. You have one life to live and you can't buy back time.

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

How on earth did he manage to get her permission to let him get married? I agree about what she would be like if kids came along. For me that was the turning point. I couldn't stop my MIL treating my partner like !!!! (he let her) but there was no way she was messing with my children.

Starrystarrynight1

Would you be prepared to pack a bag for him and kick him out, telling him to go live with his precious mother? Maybe that would make him sit up and take notice. If not, I fear that he's not worth your energy. Dig for Victory has given some sound practical advice. It might be best to look to building a new future back in the Central Belt, for the sake of your health.