Mother in law problems

Mojisola

DigForVictory wrote: »

May I suggest a few practical things?

So far None of this commits you to leaving, but it does mean that as soon as she or he-in-her-thrall goes beyond what you are prepared to put up with, You Can Go.

As well as putting the above exit plan in place (just doing it will give you some sense of power and control back), would your husband be open to talking about 'mothers', rather than just his mother?

As I remember it, your mother was acting in the same way when you were planning your wedding - if he feels that you two are having to stand up to both mothers, he may find it easier tackle his mother's behaviour.

I don't hold out much hope for your marriage, though. He has learned from his Dad that he should always give in to his mother and it's very hard to change a lifelong, inter-generational pattern.

It's not nice to have to make him choose between you and her but that's the reality otherwise you are going to be another victim for the rest of her life.

gettingtheresometime

GlaswenJen


I'm not stalking you (honestly) but I know you've posted elsewhere about your situation so am I right in thinking that the situation isn't as easy as most people think it is with regards kicking hubby out or leaving him (if only to give me a shock)?


If I am then you really do need to sort this out with hubby as it will only get worse though having had the MIL from heaven I'm not sure what the answer is.

mrschaucer

Mummy2cheekymonkeys wrote: »

How on earth did he manage to get her permission to let him get married?

Because she instinctively recognised that OP wouldn't be able to stand up to her? A good choice of wife, as far as MIL is concerned!

Top_Girl

Jen, take your foot.

Raise it high.

And firmly put it on the floor.

He's said he can't choose. What he means is, he won't choose. So make him. If he doesn't choose you, in this scenario, why on earth would you want to stay with him?

Mojisola

GlasweJen wrote: »

then he started looking at houses (Just looking) and before I knew it an offer was in.

By this point he convinced me that he really wanted to move so I got on board but every house I liked she found fault and talked OH out of it so he put an offer in on a house that I hated, it needed tonnes of work and was completely unsuitable. Too far from public transport, too far from our works, too far from civilisation, money pit in terms of needing works done but she loved it and it was right beside her!

So we got the house! I've not got rid of her since.

Whatever happens to the marriage, you are going to have to move from this house. Whether it's with him or on your own, you've got to get away from her.

All this stress isn't good for you.

AylesburyDuck

Top_Girl wrote: »

Jen, take your foot.

Raise it high.

And firmly put it on the floor.

He's said he can't choose. What he means is, he won't choose. So make him. If he doesn't choose you, in this scenario, why on earth would you want to stay with him?

To me, a man who says he cant choose, has already chosen.

GlasweJen

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

GlaswenJen


I'm not stalking you (honestly) but I know you've posted elsewhere about your situation so am I right in thinking that the situation isn't as easy as most people think it is with regards kicking hubby out or leaving him (if only to give me a shock)?


If I am then you really do need to sort this out with hubby as it will only get worse though having had the MIL from heaven I'm not sure what the answer is.

I don't think I can kick him out, I'm not on the deeds or the mortgage. This is his house and I'd rather be in the Central belt anyway.

Husbands job is now up here, I've got a job here but could relocate back down. Husband is up here until his training contract finishes. I'd get on better down there anyway, I hate life up here.

I don't take as much rubbish from my mum as I'm expected to take from my in laws, if my mum plays up she gets told and then if she doesn't stop I leave. My husband puts my family down at every opportunity, it really gets me down. He made a comment about how my sister could get a job as a fruit picker (she's been on benefits for years) she's only got one hand! I went through him like a dose of salts.

Mojisola

GlasweJen wrote: »

My husband puts my family down at every opportunity, it really gets me down.

This relationship is doomed.

marliepanda

I don't like to join choruses of 'leave him' because I feel I'm in no position to tell other people about their relationships, but just from this thread:

You say you shouldnt have gone through with the marriage (in hindsight)

He continually puts his mother above you in terms of, everything?

He puts your family down and makes cruel comments, and is controlling you to the point you barely get time to see your family due to his actions.

He bought a house you didnt want to buy (I find it weird as a married couple you have no say in your own home)

He is so often late due to putting his mother first you consider just jumping on a train and leaving

I know you say you love him very much but, what do you love? In the nicest possible way, does he love you? And if he does, why is he doing this to you, and making you feel this way?

hazyjo

I try to avoid having two conversations going on one thread, but I couldn't read this one and ignore/run.

Mummy2211 wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear you have awful problems with yours too - I too have the same with mine, and also the brother and his wife.
We are having to sell our home because his mother has used all her life savings on Holidays, and now she skint!

Is the brother selling his home too? Surely she's getting some sort of financial help, whether it be pension, job seekers allowance or a wage?

Mummy2211 wrote: »

She makes me out to be the bad one, when actually ive done everything for all of them - Aunty House burnt down, I was there helping them find a house to rent, got them bits and bobs to help them out, MIL and FIL have had bad health, I have been there to get them into hospital and help them out.

You sound like my friend who's always doing things to get praise from her brother. I almost snapped at her recently and told her she would NEVER EVER get any praise from him and he would always criticise. The penny got halfway rather than totally dropped with her, but I think she knows deep down.

Mummy2211 wrote: »

I have always known that my parnter is a mummys boys, as she used to clean his house, Do his washing, do his shopping, even do his xmas shopping and wrap the presents, all he did was give her the money!

Does he do a lot of that now, or do you?

Mummy2211 wrote: »

We go on holiday a couple of times a year with my family, but never in 8 years have we been away with his family - because im not invited to them!

Can't you just go away without any parents/in-laws? I wouldn't be offended in your shoes, I'd be jumping over the bloody moon!

Mummy2211 wrote: »

Im sick of all of them now, and i really can not see me and my partner getting married because of them - We were due to be getting married in august this year, but we called it off last year..

Lucky escape. How many years have you [STRIKE]wasted[/STRIKE] been in this predicament?