New neighbour noise

LunaLovegood

Okay the point I made about them being in all the time. I never said it was 24/7 so I don't know where you're getting that from. Let me explain so it's crystal clear....

Occasionally, and I mean once every few days he goes out to get shopping or something I presume for an hour or so. I have only seen the mum leave the house maybe twice in two months. So obviously when I say all the time, I meant the majority of the time.

Just like when I said the kid screams ALL the time, obviously she takes a break to sleep and eat. It was not meant to be taken literally. It's A LOT of the time.!

With regards to me being home 'all' the time and being 'obsessed'..I believe I already explained I go to uni during term time which is only 9 hours a week and work in the evenings. At which time my husband is home. The rest of the time I am at home, again for reasons I have already explained. So between the two of us we have noticed they hardly ever leave the house. It isn't hard to spot on such a small street where you get to know people and their routines.

So when we are spending the MAJORITY of our at home time, which is supposed to be our place to relax, which we worked really hard to save up for, for years, listening to a screaming child with parents who APPEAR to do nothing about it..yes you can become a bit obsessed with trying to figure out the situation so you know what to do about it. Yes I understand they are having a hard time and they should be able to relax in their home too which obviously is hard for them given their circumstances, but should that automatically mean me and my husband aren't entitled to enjoy our home because of the situation of strangers next door?!

By the way, considering something like 1 in 3 people get cancer, it's not as though I haven't had family members of my own with it. I know what it does to a family so I do sympathise. But to keep a 3 year old cooped up all the time because of it, is going to create some sort of behavioural issue and isn't fair on the kid (or us as the neighbours in my opinion)

Also someone trying to make a smart comment about how we go to sleep early instead of listening to it which apparently contradicts itself.. We both take sleep aids and have started sleeping with the tv or music on if you really needed to know..

Can't be annoyed replying on this again. Feel like I'm repeating myself constantly explaining things over and over again which I believe I have already been clear about. Thanks to those who have actually listened to what I said and offered useful suggestions.

Loz01

thorsoak wrote: »

I find it sad - the whole sorry saga - one person who sees things only from her perspective and a family who are having to cope with goodness only knows what.

Yes thats sad for them but what about the OP and her husband? They have a right to live in peace, they're working and paying a mortgage or rent. Its understandable that her neighbour is ill therefore doesnt go out much but it doesnt mean thats not having a direct impact on the OP and her life!! I'd go mad to if I lived joined onto a house with a screaming child. OP saying its impacting on their life and happiness doesnt mean they are a terrible person and are disregarding their neighbours medical condition tho.

PeacefulWaters

Loz01 wrote: »

OP saying its impacting on their life and happiness doesnt mean they are a terrible person and are disregarding their neighbours medical condition tho.

All true.

But separating the snobby look down your nose comments focusing on social status, how do you afford that car and pay the rent from the making of noise might help the cause.

Heading to a council, landlord or court saying they're noisy and I don't know how they can afford that lifestyle, the layabouts, is hardly a winning strategy.

moneyistooshorttomention

OP - there is a recently-invented gadget that one plugs into electric sockets to cancel out noise from next door.

I saw a short video on it recently (might have been on Youtube??) and music etc was thumping through the walls/the person plugged in the gadget and it was a great improvement.

Don't know just how it works - but imagine it would help with any sort of noise (not just music or tv).

In your position - I'd try googling for "noise cancelling gadget" and take a look at it and also see the reviews of it that must be out there somewhere on line to see what people have to say about the effectiveness (or otherwise) of it.

For the record - I can understand why this situation is so upsetting - as it's not just noise disturbing you at the moment and somewhere/somehow along the line the noise will stop. It's also noise that might affect the qualifications you get and, with that, might affect your future prospects and have a negative effect on your life still in years to come.

pipkin71

Loz01 wrote: »

I think it is quite worrying that they have a child they NEVER take out, even on weekends and evenings. Yes the mother is ill but never letting the child see the light of day is just odd and not very good for them, they should be in play school or nursery mixing with kids their own age, not stuck at home screaming and yelling 24/7

But surely, unless the OP never, ever, leaves the house, how can they be so sure that the child doesn't? They would need to be keeping an eye on the comings and goings of their next door neighbour 24/7, to be so sure that a) they never leave the house and b) no-one ever visits.

thorsoak

I made the suggestion in post 2 of this thread, to wear headphones - but that was immediately slapped down by the OP as she found them too irritating - so here is another, very drastic suggestion - which I do expect to be shot down in flames - but here goes anyway.

OP - you say that you cannot sell and move - but have you thought about renting out your property and renting somewhere else - somewhere quiet, but convenient for everything that you and your OH need. You know that you could get £600+ for your rent at least - so that gives you a figure to start working on.

The problem isn't going to go away - your neighbour may or may not get better, the child will go to nursery/school soon - hopefully - and the partner may or may not stay the course - and if life is so unbearable to you now, it may be the only answer.

pipkin71

thorsoak wrote: »

The problem isn't going to go away - your neighbour may or may not get better, the child will go to nursery/school soon - hopefully

Yes, they could decide to home educate, to try and minimise any risk of infection but in any case, the toddler temper tantrums will probably ease off, as the child learns to communicate better.

ska_lover

I can only imagine, that the poorly neighbour probably feels wracked with guilt over the situation with her kid and the fact she's not being taken out etc - she will highly likely know the effect it is having on the whole family


It is just another downside to being very ill, the guilt and frustration at everyone else's upset reaction to your illness - and must be even worst when you have such a small child like that

EmmyLou30

I was going to say a bald head doesn't definitely mean she's 'sick' - I'm completely bald and have no eye brows thanks to alopecia but I wasn't like that when I first moved to the house so neighbours would have seen me go from hair to no hair but I'm not sick as such. But the mask kind of implies you're probably right about the cancer :-(


I can also see why this makes the situation a bit harder in terms of talking to them about it....but as she's spoken to you and mentioned that she does have some sort of awareness of how noise affects neighbours (which is good, most noisy neighbours couldn't give a toss about others) I would use that as a starting point to talk to her about it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

When my youngest got into the tantrum stage, I didn't particularly feel like taking her out if I didn't have to either - a child screaming NO! MINE! or just AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH in your house all day is soul destroying, but it's a damn sight less dangerous than having her deliberately attempt to hurl herself in front of cars, ripping my shoulder out of its socket in the process (I put her in reins) because I'd said we needed to stop and wait for the green man to appear before we could cross. And I didn't have any serious health issues at the time.


It didn't last forever, as I was lucky that a preschool nearby had a space after Easter (Summer baby) - a whole 2 and a half hours break was a blessed relief - by the end of July, she had got over the major tantrums and then just got with with being a stubborn, wilful, child with many autistic traits. The neighbours made more noise than I did, so the 6 year old slamming doors and shutting herself in her wardrobe because she was angry about something/anything didn't really affect them half as much as their vacuuming of laminate at 2am, drunken Elvis listening at 4.30am, fights to the accompaniment of Christmas music from 9am until 7.30pm every day from the 1st September or hallucinations of angels at any time of the day affected me when the eldest was much better behaved, but never slept for more than about 90 mins at a time until she was 15, so I was chronically sleep deprived for the best part of two decades - the most shocking thing was the morning I got up, made a cup of coffee and drank it in silence at 5.24am without hearing 'Muuuuum' for the first time.

And then I looked after the OH's daughter whilst her Mum was on holiday and he got ill - and realised that, after five years of peaceful existence, of baths without demands to referee arguments or to use the toilet, it was no longer normal to have a small person hammering and yelling at the other side of the toilet door 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING JOJO? ARE YOU DOING A POO JOJO? IS IT A BIG ONE JOJO? CAN I HAVE A BISCUIT JOJO? I DON'T LIKE TOAST JOJO? THE CAT'S LOOKING AT ME JOJO', along with more curtain calls at bedtime than an entire theatre cast, complete with drinks of water, the light being too light, the dark being too dark, the quilt being the wrong shade of purple, the wees that weren't needed, the room not having a TV, wanting to check that Peppa Effing Pig wasn't on the telly and BEING MISSED, etc.

If I were potentially facing the prospect of dying and leaving her all alone in the world, so couldn't go out for fear of infection, I'd probably have laid there feeling awful whilst she screamed, as even had somebody offered to 'give me a break', I'd have been thinking 'I'm going to have a permanent break if this course of treatment doesn't work - I'd rather spend every moment with her in the meantime'. Whilst crying myself to sleep each night. I know the OH was too ill to look after his daughter himself, but him being too unwell to function but with her was the best option [strike]short of dumping the poor child off on her grandmother and taking myself off to a hotel until he got better[/strike].


She doesn't sound like the type of neighbour that would scream at you that she has the Right to Live Her Life Exactly As She Pleases and then make a point of being even noisier afterwards if you mentioned that it sounds like things are pretty tough for her at present. Even asking 'is there maybe something we could do to help?', might be enough to make things a bit better - she might not know that MacMillan can give her a lot of support if she asks, possibly even helping find a minder or preschool that will take her LO a bit earlier. I'm suggesting you tell her this, but it's possible that she's feeling extremely isolated and a kind word could be just what she needs/might encourage her to seek more support.



I'm possibly sounding more sympathetic towards her, though, because I know somebody who has just been diagnosed - I have the feeling that their concern is going to be getting treated and staying with them until they grow up, not risking their children's last memories are of being told off for making too much noise.


I sympathise, I really do. But short of moving home (which you can't), there isn't really a lot you can do about it, other than reluctantly donning headphones, finding a nice coffeeshop 2 days per week and trying to be nice to the Mum.