An update on me

dekaspace

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I can only speak from my own experience, which is negative attitudes and condemnation just make me feel defeated and then I eat more. I need gentle encouragement and praise.

I am losing weight at the moment through eating differently and exercise. My husband has been brilliant, he is the cook in the family and has cooked me tasty low fat meals and encouraged me all the way.

I know being overweight is bad for my health. I don't need telling, or worse, called names.

True, and I have even heard in past not just on here but other sites people justifying actual bullying with saying its helping like saying they call a overweight person fat, smelly, disgusting, how they should kill themselves because if it stops the people eating its worth it, its just justifying nasty attitudes and claiming its "help"

As I have said in the past I was slim till I started university around same time as family members death, with me being lucky if I got a hours sleep a day I had no energy to cook and the trauma from the death added with lack of sleep, weight gain from junk food I ate as I had no energy to cook just skyrocketed my problems, then when the damage was done it was hard to improve as I feel drained of energy then less attractive due to weight, and older so harder to find a partner, and out of work so felt I had no self worth etc. And the few times I did try things like going back to gym I got abuse either in the gym itself or from passers by calling me disgusting, slob, and I should kill myself.

z1a wrote: »

"I neither smoke nor drink, do you think I cost you more in the health sense than someone who is a heavy drinker or smoker?"

Yes, smokers pay a lot more in tax than they cost the NHS.

And you know how much I cost the NHS? I know you were baiting but point was I have no weight related issues that cost the NHS money the only thing I get help with I have had since I was skinny in fact most of my life because I had birth defects (fluid on the brain leading to breathing problems and they assume what caused the autism)

I suppose then you enourage smoking and drinking due to the funds it brings the NHS.

seven-day-weekend

What sort of abuse did you get from the gym and passers by?

BorisThomson

dekaspace wrote: »

True, and I have even heard in past not just on here but other sites people justifying actual bullying with saying its helping like saying they call a overweight person fat, smelly, disgusting, how they should kill themselves because if it stops the people eating its worth it, its just justifying nasty attitudes and claiming its "help"

As I have said in the past I was slim till I started university around same time as family members death, with me being lucky if I got a hours sleep a day I had no energy to cook and the trauma from the death added with lack of sleep, weight gain from junk food I ate as I had no energy to cook just skyrocketed my problems, then when the damage was done it was hard to improve as I feel drained of energy then less attractive due to weight, and older so harder to find a partner, and out of work so felt I had no self worth etc. And the few times I did try things like going back to gym I got abuse either in the gym itself or from passers by calling me disgusting, slob, and I should kill myself.



And you know how much I cost the NHS? I know you were baiting but point was I have no weight related issues that cost the NHS money the only thing I get help with I have had since I was skinny in fact most of my life because I had birth defects (fluid on the brain leading to breathing problems and they assume what caused the autism)

I suppose then you enourage smoking and drinking due to the funds it brings the NHS.

You need to choose a different gym. You also need to get some feedback about why you attract such comments from people, the level of abuse you claim to receive is far more normal. Is there someone you trust that will be honest with you?

That's not saying that the abuse is acceptable, but rather that you need to put some thought into why it apparently keeps happening.

As a former fat person I know the impact being overweight can have on you, and I know every excuse in the book to avoid losing weight because I've used them all myself. The fact is it's hard work, but only you can make it happen. Remaining obese is a lifestyle choice.

(And I went to the gym whilst I was fat and got nothing but support. What you experienced is not the norm in gyms and not an excuse to give up, just to choose to go elsewhere.)

seven-day-weekend

I too think it really important that Dekaspace tries to understand WHY he gets this level of abuse, everywhere he goes. It is not something that happens to most people.

Dekaspace, what happens in the gym? Start from you going through the door. What happens after that? When does the abuse start?

Ames

I suspect dekaspace is drawing attention to himself without even realising. I think the suggestion to ask other trustworthy people about it is a good one.

I was told once that I know how to walk down the street without drawing attention to myself and making myself look like a likely victim. I didn't understand what they meant until I was out and about with someone who did draw attention to herself. We were in a rough place and I was geniunely scared we'd be attacked because of her actions. She was totally oblivious, and in fact I think she thought she was being careful.

I'm also getting a strong whiff of 'Flowers for Algernon' reading this thread. That dekaspace sees the world - and particularly people - in one way that's completely different to reality.

Perhaps self defense classes would be a good option - not to use the skills but because it teaches posture and body language.

I also agree about finding another gym. One of the reasons I've never wanted to go to one is an assumption that I'll be laughed at. I've found a different form of exercise with people who are completely supportive and not in the least judgemental. I'm sure there'll be options for dekaspace, but finding out about them is the hard part.

z1a

And you know how much I cost the NHS? I know you were baiting but point was I have no weight related issues that cost the NHS money the only thing I get help with I have had since I was skinny in fact most of my life because I had birth defects (fluid on the brain leading to breathing problems and they assume what caused the autism)

I suppose then you enourage smoking and drinking due to the funds it brings the NHS.

No, not "baiting" - stating a fact to refute your comment. I neither encourage nor discourage smoking and drinking, people are free to chose for themselves.

NeilCr

I've been using gyms for over 25 years and have never seen nor heard about the level of abuse that is directed at dekaspace.

I agree, too, about changing gyms. In my experience local authority (or ex local authority) gyms have a more diverse membership. Some private gyms can be a bit elitist and off putting. My current gym (ex la) has all sorts of activities for different groups of people. Patients who have certain issues and those recovering from surgery can be referred there by local GPs for example. There is a dedicated member of staff who helps them with exercise programmes

I wonder if there is a local autism support group that dekaspace could ask about gyms where their members go? Or other exercise that they do.

seven-day-weekend

Ames wrote: »

I suspect dekaspace is drawing attention to himself without even realising. I think the suggestion to ask other trustworthy people about it is a good one.

I was told once that I know how to walk down the street without drawing attention to myself and making myself look like a likely victim. I didn't understand what they meant until I was out and about with someone who did draw attention to herself. We were in a rough place and I was geniunely scared we'd be attacked because of her actions. She was totally oblivious, and in fact I think she thought she was being careful.

I'm also getting a strong whiff of 'Flowers for Algernon' reading this thread. That dekaspace sees the world - and particularly people - in one way that's completely different to reality.

Perhaps self defense classes would be a good option - not to use the skills but because it teaches posture and body language.

I also agree about finding another gym. One of the reasons I've never wanted to go to one is an assumption that I'll be laughed at. I've found a different form of exercise with people who are completely supportive and not in the least judgemental. I'm sure there'll be options for dekaspace, but finding out about them is the hard part.

What did she do?

dekaspace

BorisThomson wrote: »

You need to choose a different gym. You also need to get some feedback about why you attract such comments from people, the level of abuse you claim to receive is far more normal. Is there someone you trust that will be honest with you?

That's not saying that the abuse is acceptable, but rather that you need to put some thought into why it apparently keeps happening.

As a former fat person I know the impact being overweight can have on you, and I know every excuse in the book to avoid losing weight because I've used them all myself. The fact is it's hard work, but only you can make it happen. Remaining obese is a lifestyle choice.

(And I went to the gym whilst I was fat and got nothing but support. What you experienced is not the norm in gyms and not an excuse to give up, just to choose to go elsewhere.)

Was at various gyms over a 4 year period, one was a univesity gym and the comments were from sports degree students though they had a rep of not liking any non sports degree students and complaining if the bookable room at back was taken by someone not doing their courses thinking they were more important.

But don't forget with me my main problems are mental health, before that death at one point I was spending 2-3 hours a day in gym every day (and was skinny as a rake) it was just everything piled on top of me over a few years and I never recovered and never had support to improve.

I have lost 3 stone in the past year (4 at one point but put that stone back on ever winter) So I am not choosing to "stay obese" but the main issues are mental health related, I say like other things not everyone is the same so if one person struggles a bit then succeds in this case at losing weight another person may find it far harder, I had no problem stopping drinking alcohol when I went through my low feelings and now it never even passes my mind, nothing to say food can't be the same but I need to get that balance right as past experience is that I go through phases of eating little but good food, a bad spell of junk (especially in early winter/late autumn) then balanced it a little then back to eating little.

And its not totally that I attract more comments than most people but things like my autism gives me awkward body language which people pick up on, years ago funnily enough before the low mood I used to stare at ceilings when bored and drift off.

And not as much now but I always had a large smile on face so added with body lanaguage, not scruffy but I wear clean clothes and don't care about fashion or style my hair makes me stand out.

So thats "me" causing the problems since its my body language and fasion sense, and when I speak I slur my speech and such all makes me stand out, I remember years ago walking into a bar (a rowdy old mens pub) and a guy saying that I shouldn't be in there as I would be a easy target, this was me walking in, smart shirt, brushed hair trousers and barely making it through the door.

Also as well, it can annoy me when people do make assumptions as I have lost it over in the past, I have lost weight, I have changed my diet and lifestyle, I eat far less junk food, I used the term "takeaway" before because I didn't want to say where I was eating but it was Subway where I live off a chicken salad flatbread every day, and I often eat just a snack in evening tonight I eat salmon and rice as I got it cheap.

I do drink soft drinks but sugar free, I don't touch alcohol if I do have something like cereal I have no sugar, if I have a sandwich no butter/spread, I never add salt to things (at most say I cook pasta I add a dash of chilli powder)

My life is far more than it seems when I write on here, not as simple as me getting abuse as outside of those same kids in last few weeks not had any (notiable) problems so thats not it happening all the time its just I write about 10-15 years woth of problems that people assume were recent.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

What sort of abuse did you get from the gym and passers by?

Gym, just comments on my appearance, or that I was "fooling noone" passers by was weight and like I said earlier told I should kill myself as I was fat/ugly then again the people saying things things 9 times out of 10 would be the ones stuffing their face with take out and scruffy etc.

Ames

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

What did she do?

She was jittery and always looking round to see if there was trouble. We were in a shopping centre and some teenage lads swaggered by, she shot off to the other side of the corridor because she thought they were going to attack her - they were just normal teens walking past, nothing to suggest they were dangerous. She wasn't used to cities let alone rough ones, and had three or four purses on her in case she was mugged so she could hand one over and not lose all her money. But in shops she'd be dividing her change amongst them all, which took longer than just stuffing her change in one purse would and made her more of a target.

She came from a small town in Holland where people don't even lock their doors at night and it just showed, she stood out like a sore thumb.