Relationship, Step kid, moving in - Am I being Unreasonable?

Pay_me

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Several years.

Ok, but we still don't know what's behind that to state anything. We have a snap shot of things not the full story. The original question was Am I being unreasonable? OP may have been with the mother for 2 years but that doesn't mean he is currently acting as a step dad they both have separate lives.

3 days aweek (2 mid week one weekend) the mother is in work morning to night. 5 days a week him plus being on call etc. It sounds to me that they see each other mainly in the evenings on the 3 days and one day on a weekend. It is simply not possible on the information we have to say if he is currently the Step dad as we don't know how they structure their time together.

I get the impression he is fond of the child and in many posts he states that he accepts that things will change etc.

For me based on the original question. I don't think he is being unreasonable.

spirit

He didn't say he wasn't coming back, On Christmas Day he said,


Quote: Any I will be away from the computer for a few days now as it is Christmas and I am just about to drive to my sisters for the annual Christmas get together and dinner.Quote

ska_lover

Why do people continually insist on bashing him for calling his step child 'the kid'. It is hardly the same as calling the child ''the brat' or something..


On here, people will pick up on something, anything, grasp at any old straw, and use it to beat you to death with - it is completely derailing the thread and the OP has explained its use more than enough, but people keep insisting on coming back insisting he means something negative and then he has to defend himself


Seriously some of you need to get a grip on this now. None of you have the right to TELL a stranger that you know better what they mean, than they know themselves - it's pathetic - you don't know better what is going on in someone elses head - you are merely PROJECTING YOUR OWN FEELINGS and using this to sidestep and flame the OP with a situation that does not even exist

spirit

ska_lover wrote: »

Why do people continually insist on bashing him for calling his step child 'the kid'. It is hardly the same as calling the child ''the brat' or something..


On here, people will pick up on something, anything, grasp at any old straw, and use it to beat you to death with - it is completely derailing the thread and the OP has explained its use more than enough, but people keep insisting on coming back insisting he means something negative and then he has to defend himself


Seriously some of you need to get a grip on this now. None of you have the right to TELL a stranger that you know better what they mean, than they know themselves - it's pathetic - you don't know better what is going on in someone elses head - you are merely PROJECTING YOUR OWN FEELINGS and using this to sidestep and flame the OP with a situation that does not even exist

^^^^ exactly

onlyroz

I'm not reading the whole thread but are breakfast and after school clubs available? Our breakfast club is about £1.50 a day, and the after school club is £9.50. A child minder to cover until 6pm would be around £12-15 ish per day.

Tabbytabitha

ska_lover wrote: »

Why do people continually insist on bashing him for calling his step child 'the kid'. It is hardly the same as calling the child ''the brat' or something..


On here, people will pick up on something, anything, grasp at any old straw, and use it to beat you to death with - it is completely derailing the thread and the OP has explained its use more than enough, but people keep insisting on coming back insisting he means something negative and then he has to defend himself


Seriously some of you need to get a grip on this now. None of you have the right to TELL a stranger that you know better what they mean, than they know themselves - it's pathetic - you don't know better what is going on in someone elses head - you are merely PROJECTING YOUR OWN FEELINGS and using this to sidestep and flame the OP with a situation that does not even exist

It isn't unreasonable to point out the effect that someone's use of language has on his readers - communication is a two way process.

Tabbytabitha

onlyroz wrote: »

I'm not reading the whole thread but are breakfast and after school clubs available? Our breakfast club is about £1.50 a day, and the after school club is £9.50. A child minder to cover until 6pm would be around £12-15 ish per day.

Apparently the girlfriend doesn't want her son to be looked after by strangers - one of the ways it seems that she's being unreasonable.

onlyroz

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

Apparently the girlfriend doesn't want her son to be looked after by strangers - one of the ways it seems that she's being unreasonable.

Surely he is "looked after by strangers" all the time he is at school? Going to an after school club normally involves walking from one room in the school to another and being handed over to a different fully qualified staff member to do a different set of activities. Anyway, I've not got the patience to read all 9 pages.

Anoneemoose

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

It isn't unreasonable to point out the effect that someone's use of language has on his readers - communication is a two way process.

But he has explained this numerous times and I think ska lover was pointing it out because people keep going on about it and it really is a non issue in the context of the thread.


I started reading this the other day OP, and got to about page 6, but yes, found people were repeating the ‘kid’ thing. I’ve just read the last page to catch up.

I don’t think you are in the wrong or being unreasonable at all. I have a son who was 8 when hubby and I got together. We did move in eventually and my son became part of his life in the sense he would look after him and pick him up, however, that was NOT all the time or to his detriment. And nor would I expect it to be. I totally agree that you need your own time and space. It is unfair to be expected to change a lot of your life, when the other person would only be changing theirs in a positive manner and yours in some ways negatively.

It seems you are the only one expected to compromise. Sadly, unless your GF is willing to give a little, I don’t think it’s the right time for you to move in together.

And in response to the posters that think you’re wrong for posting on here and ‘not thinking of the child’, I disagree. I think it’s good of you to be asking. Can you imagine if you just went ahead and moved in and then came on a few months down the line saying it wasn’t working out? You’d likely be slated for that too..not ‘thinking it through’. You can’t win with some posters on here, no matter what you do!

ska_lover

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

It isn't unreasonable to point out the effect that someone's use of language has on his readers - communication is a two way process.

It is your own twisted translation of the other persons language though, isn't it. It is not actual fact. You are taking offense at your own imagination... your own version of events, which never happened / got said


You cannot get offended by something that did not happen. You cannot get offended by something that did not get said

To repeatedly tell someone that you know what is going on in their head better than they do - is pathetic!! It's brainwashing!!

You people are doing it for your own agenda, you are attempting to pass off YOUR vile thoughts, as his! - and to argue with him, about words that you said

In terms that you, amongst other people, seem to have taken offense at something DESPITE op repeatedly advising you that you are wrong, people insist on thinking they know better what he meant than him

and then you think it is 'reasonable' to defend this pathetic behavior. Completely laughable

Honestly get a grip, and everyone else repeatedly bleating this total rubbish.

Judging by MSE there are some pretty delusional people wandering around