Relationship, Step kid, moving in - Am I being Unreasonable?

lessonlearned

ska_lover wrote: »

I was disgusted at the way some posters were speaking to the Op in the early stages of this thread


If a guy was reading this, and considering dating a single parent, he would run a mile

why the hell would a single guy want to get involved with a single mother - if the expectation is that he completely change his life - whilst the mother makes no sacrifice whatsoever - even though she is the one with the child, the baggage, the debt, etc - what of value is she actually bringing to the table / other than baggage from her past?

The woman, shes coming across as a mess who needs rescuing, and not that appealing to be in a relationship with

Yes......it’s called “The Cinderella Complex”.

Poor little Cinders (the Ops Girlfriend) can’t cope without a man...she can’t stand on her own two feet, can’t support her child without getting into debt, relies on the State and her mother.etc. Then eventually she gets a job but still can’t manage, , she can’t cope with sorting out childcare etc.

Prince Charming (UplandsHigh) steps in........buys a three bedroomed house to provide a roof over her head and offers to support her and her child whilst she uses the money she saves on rent to clear her debts. He even offers to help fund her car.

And they all “Live Happily Ever After” ........:rotfl:

Except Cinders then gets greedy........she wants Prince Charming to do even more. She wants him to mind the baby whilst she continues to do her own thing, going to the gym, spa and shopping, she wants him to foot the bills so she can carry on spending instead of knuckling down and clearing.

Luckily Prince Charming starts to have doubts. He notices how his friends and family live and it doesn’t square up to what his Cinders wants from him.

He comes onto a public forum for advice.........

seven-day-weekend

Excellent post LL

Tiglath

cjdavies wrote: »

I have always wondered in these situations does the step parent also not get involved in not telling the child off when coing something wrong or ensuring they finish their food when they don't want to.

I did both of those things as a stepmother. My stepchildren don't hate me now they're in their twenties (in fact the stepdaughter and her bf are moving in with us for a few years while they do degrees) so I must've done something right

ManofLeisure_2

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Excellent post LL

I found it extremely childish and am probably not alone in doing so.

seven-day-weekend

ManofLeisure wrote: »

I found it extremely childish and am probably not alone in doing so.

Each to their own.

DUTR

ManofLeisure wrote: »

I found it extremely childish and am probably not alone in doing so.

It's not childish, and it's not as if you would experience that from the OP's perspective, that sort of scenario occurs more times than you may think, there is desperation on both sides.

chesky

I love the OP’s optimism back in post 41 :

“I hope that the spas etc ...... will tail off pretty soon.”

Hmmm.

lessonlearned

ManofLeisure wrote: »

I found it extremely childish and am probably not alone in doing so.

It is not childish at all......it is terminology used in psychology. It is a recognised complex. The term “Cinderella Complex” is well documented. Google it if you don’t believe me.

Mojisola

UplandHigh wrote: »

So am I being unreasonable?

UplandHigh - have the replies helped answer your question?

Red-Squirrel_2

lessonlearned wrote: »

It is not childish at all......it is terminology used in psychology. It is a recognised complex. The term “Cinderella Complex” is well documented. Google it if you don’t believe me.

I just did. It appears to be a term coined by a psychotherapist writing a self help type book, not a psychologist.