help re baby sleep (merged)

rosielx

My daughter slept in her own room from 6-18 months with no problem. When she was 18 months old we had a house fire which I rescued her from before the fire seriously took hold. We then moved house three times with her whilst our own house was being repaired but still visited old house regularly to see building work.

Moved back in last November and had terrible screaming fits from her when she was asleep and also shaking the cot bars. We moved her into a toddler bed and put a stair gate on her room and got same problem. Now she is two and co-sleeps with her dad in a six foot bed. I'm in the spare room as I have post natal depression and also crohns which means that I have to get plenty of sleep or I become ill and as I work full time and have a commute to work too.

My question is what age do children stop co-sleeping? She's just beginning to talk so we are hoping to train her soon. We have a good bedtime routine in place and she falls asleep after 30 minutes of stories, tells us to turn light off and then sleeps in own room for 2-6 hours (6 would be a good night!). The only night she has slept the whole night in her bed was when the earth quake hit. We have tried putting her back in her room and explaining to her and also closing the gate but I feel really cruel doing that.

I don't want to be critisised for her co-sleeping. I'm looking for postive ideas on how to help her spend the whole night in her own room when she is older.

We already have soft toy snuggly and a nightlight.

miserly_mum

We still take turns having my 2 year old in with us.He was a great sleeper up until about a year then he started to wake up crying all the time and was impossible to settle

He just wouldn't sleep in his cot and after many months of no sleep we gave in and brought him into bed

Its not ideal but it works for us. When hes in with either of us he sleeps a good 10-12 hours (i lie beside him for 10-15 mins until he falls asleep then slip out of bed) and we both get a good nights sleep

I'm not sure how i'm going to get him to sleep on his own as i've not had this problem with any of my other children

Just wanted to say its nothing to worry about and I suspect co_sleeping is more common than most people admit to. I think parents don't want to sound like "failures" at not getting their babies to sleep in their cots/own rooms

Kaz2904

I think you all probably had a really horrific time with the fire and suspect that it put's your minds at rest a fair bit too having her in bed with Dad. It's not wrong and I don't have any advice for you. Did you get any counselling after the fire?
If it's any consolation not many teenagers want to sleep with their Dads.

pinkfizz77

aw what a terrible thing to happen to you all
the poor little mite is probably terrified. I had an incident in the kitchen last week, managed to set fire to some baking paper (nothing major), dd2 who is nearly 3 was watching and was terrified. now she is always saying she is scared of fire and won't go in the kitchen when the oven is on. this is considerably minor compared to what happened to you so I dread to think of the ordeal you n your littlun had
keep reassuring her and if she wants to cosleep, let her, she obviously feels safe that way. once she feels secure, I'm sure she will want to go back to her own room (maybe let her pick a few new bits for her room to make it more special)
my eldest co slept until she was almost 3, she just would not sleep in her own room. once she decided she wanted her own room we went with that
dd2 slept in my bed sporadically until she was 2, think it was a security thing (15 months between her and my youngest so won't have helped plus I was on my own so noone to step in or help)
there's been a lot going on in such a short time which she simply can't understand (god I bet it's hard enough for you!)
my only advice is do whatever works! might be worth speaking to someone though (HV doc etc) just to set your mind at rest about how shes coping (and you for that matter)
keep strong and good luck

Katyag

I can understand the fire issue, we had a bad house fire on Xmas eve 2004 and altho DS1 (just turned 3 at the time) didnt really see any flames, i got him out of the house before he saw it, he is still traumatised by it now at 6. He remembers it all, if he sees fire on tv he comes over to us and panics and needs a hug. His sleeping hasnt been affected (bar the odd nightmare) but then he wasnt in bed when the fire hit so doesnt associate it.

Anyway as for her sleeping, id try for a week or so of when she gets up just calmly and quietly walk her back to her bed and keep doing it. Guess this would be better when you and / or OH are on holiday so you arent so time restricted. If you stick it out she should get it, as she isnt really talking yet you cant get out of her what exactly is bothering her yet. It might need to be done so you can all have a better sleep routine, i have to admit in quite anal about my boys sleep routines.

Good luck!

gorgeous_gwen

rosielx wrote: »

My daughter slept in her own room from 6-18 months with no problem. When she was 18 months old we had a house fire which I rescued her from before the fire seriously took hold. We then moved house three times with her whilst our own house was being repaired but still visited old house regularly to see building work.

Moved back in last November and had terrible screaming fits from her when she was asleep and also shaking the cot bars. We moved her into a toddler bed and put a stair gate on her room and got same problem. Now she is two and co-sleeps with her dad in a six foot bed. I'm in the spare room as I have post natal depression and also crohns which means that I have to get plenty of sleep or I become ill and as I work full time and have a commute to work too.

My question is what age do children stop co-sleeping? She's just beginning to talk so we are hoping to train her soon. We have a good bedtime routine in place and she falls asleep after 30 minutes of stories, tells us to turn light off and then sleeps in own room for 2-6 hours (6 would be a good night!). The only night she has slept the whole night in her bed was when the earth quake hit. We have tried putting her back in her room and explaining to her and also closing the gate but I feel really cruel doing that.

I don't want to be critisised for her co-sleeping. I'm looking for postive ideas on how to help her spend the whole night in her own room when she is older.

We already have soft toy snuggly and a nightlight.

I mean this in a most positive way, but I did have a little smile when you said you don't want to be criticised for your toddler co -sleeping, when all the way through I was actually mentally applauding you! Definitely doing the right thing given the traumatic experience that you guys had, I can't imagine what a darling little toddler would have thought if you'd have kept her on her own to sleep after the upsetting behaviour she showed when you moved back to the house. So don't even worry about that, you are a great mummy and daddy and I bet LO feels all the more safe and secure because you have done that :T

I can understand that now you are probably yearning for a) to cuddle up to OH at night and b) that all of you can get a full nights sleep!

I've been lucky because DS is a very good sleeper. He does sometimes wake in the night, because he's had a bad dream, or because he needs a wee, and will want to climb in bed with me. What I usually do is say, come on, let's go back to bed, and lead him back to his room, tuck him in and lie at the side of him until he goes to sleep. I firmly believe in positive sleep associations which is why I think he does go to sleep so well, and he does know that once he's asleep I will go back to my own bed. Some have said to me that he'll always depend on me to go to sleep but I don't know of many teenagers who need their mum lying with them to go to sleep!

My advice would be to be gentle, I think that is essential given the circumstances, and look on it as a gradual process, rather than something that will happen quickly and that is forced upon her. Why not try saying something about how mummy and daddy need lots of sleep too so you can be all bright and happy to play with her the next day?

I always think the most important thing is to think about how the child sees it through their eyes. Treat them with care and respect, and love and nurture them and give them what they need, but also don't be afraid to exert gentle discipline, and be firm, but understanding. I always find DS (he's 4) responds well when I explain things in a very basic way so he knows I'm not just doing something he doesn't understand the reaosn for, but that if I leave him when he's asleep, he knows I'm doing it because mummy gets bachache lying right on the edge of his cabin bed all night lol!

bobsa1

we have dd4 who often co sleeps with dad, we've even got a double bed in her room so everyone gets a decent nights sleep! Our dd11 co slept with us on and off until she was 5 and then just stopped.

We've just bought dd4 a new bed and we are hopefull that as she has been involved in choosing it etc she will be happier to stay in it on her own but we won't be too worried if she doesn't.

My experience is that cosleeping stops on its own at the right time for the child, although we still have dd13 and dd11 getting in bed with us during the night when they are ill, some nights it's like musical beds

On a positive note all my kids are happy and secure and if they feel safe and comforted by coming in bed with us when they are upset or ill that's probably a positive thing.

fkelanne

Is it ever possible!
Hiya, my youngest little one was 10 weeks prem,and when he came home he did sleep well.he is 17 months now.
i start getting him ready for bed at 5.30pm bath him, get him ready for bed and then give him his supper. i put him up to bed at 6.30pm, with a bottle. Most of the time he goes over to sleep no bother, some nights he cry for a little while so i go in lie him back down and leave him again.
He sleep till about 11pm then starts crying, i give him another bottle of half water half milk and hes back off 2 sleep. the same at 3.30am, and then we get up at 6am.
S9ome nights hes up abit more. Is there anyway i can stop him wanting his bottle through the night?
please any help would be great.

alwaysonthego_2

He is probably used to the bottle and wakes up regulary. I personally instead of stopping the milk straight away is reduce it over a period of time. It is persistance mainly but he will get use to it and should sleep the full night. I would ensure he gets sufficent supper before he goes to bed maybe a weetabix or porridge because 12 hours is along time with out anyting to eat.

kay41_2

Controlled crying - not for everyone, but if you can bear potentially 3 nights of hell it sure works. NCT book of crying tells you exactly how to do it. They need to learn to settle themselves without calling out. My daughter (apart from when ill) has always been a brilliant sleeper since I did this. Also did this for going to bed. Maybe he is going to bed too early? Good luck