help re baby sleep (merged)

Gingham_Ribbon

I couldn't do controlled crying and my lad was waking me sometimes as many as 30 times a night. I got help from the baby whisperer forum. Honestly, very sound, sensible, kind advice that WORKS.

There's more to it but the basics were that my husband went to him (because I breastfed) and just cuddled him, patted him and reassured him, then put him down, picking him back up if he cried again. It was one hard night, one night when he woke up once and the third (or fourth) night he started sleeping through. And no leaving him thinking he'd been abandoned and no heartbreak for me listing to unanswered screaming.

alwaysonthego_2

I was the same as GR I personally think that controlled crying is an harsh method which can leave a baby/infant feeling insecure. I co-slept with both dd's until they were two and they went in to their own room with no problem after a week of settling them in. You must do what you feel is right for your child.

Lunar_Eclipse

fkelanne wrote: »

Is it ever possible!
Hiya, my youngest little one was 10 weeks prem,and when he came home he did sleep well.he is 17 months now.

Tricky one. Could be caused by many factors - eg noise triggering the wake up. Go with your (very tired!) gut instinct.

Having had a very hungry baby (9lb 1 born) who is now a very hungry 6 year old child, the benefit of the doubt in me says that he may well just be very hungry. It took us a while to accept that our 11 month old did actually need a 9 oz bottle of milk in the middle of the night. Controlled crying simply did not work. Now, at almost 7, she goes no more than 2/3 hours without food/drink - it causes a personality change!

So I suggest the following if the objective is to get him sleeping through, based on my personal experience:

1) A later bedtime. Say 7.30-8.30.
He needs 10-12 hours at night so if he is at the earlier end of this spectrum, a 6.30 bedtime may very well mean he is ready to get up and go at 4.30am. Too early for me! I had one who slept 10 hours at his age and one who slept 12-13. Some 'babies' follow the 'the more they sleep in the day, the more they do at night' and some do not!

2) Make sure he is full at bedtime. A good meal with pudding followed by a big 9oz bottle of milk an hour or so later after bathtime is fine. I don't think the bottle is likely to be the problem, but there is a small chance it could be.

3) If we wakes up, I'd offer the milk in a very minimal attention seeking way, wind him, put him down and leave him until the morning. The bottle time in our experience was c.3 am, from a 7pm bedtime fyi.

HTH xxx He will be at school before you know it!

Lunar_Eclipse

Gingham_Ribbon wrote: »

no heartbreak for me listing to unanswered screaming.

I know. Worked very well on my eldest (3 nights it took I think), but I can still 'hear' the crying now - she's 8 1/2.

I would never recommend it. I mean !!!!!!? I really really wish that natural, loving or attachment parenting had been 'available' as opposed to all the Gina Ford et al parenting books (Leach, Spock etc). I really felt I was fighting against all my parenting instincts when I had my eldest in 2000 - not exactly the dark ages then. Nobody at all had a natural loving stance on parenting, including the health visitors, midwifes, doctors, books, NCT etc. It all felt very wrong, yet of course it was very intelligent experienced people who had 'the best books' and advice. What a shame. And I'm not even an Earth Mother in the slightest!

Gingham_Ribbon

LE, I sympathise. Whatever we do there are always going to be times like that. I've had them too in other ways. Controlled crying works though. My parents did it with us, though we were much younger. And as the old saying goes, it really didn't do me any harm. There's a lot to be said for allowing your child to learn how to sleep well. And I was at the end of my tether when mine finally learned - with both of them. I'm glad I found a system that worked for us and I'm glad for my own sake that it was a way I found worked with my own (VERY Earth mother:o ) approach!

immy

HELP!

DS is 10months old, first few months of being born he slept soundly in his own cot in our bedroom. He suddenly started crying when he got to about 5months old and would not settle in cot anymore. did the whole controlled crying thing with him...but he'd just cry so much that he'd make himself sick. DH got quite distressed and wouldn't let me persevere.

DS is now quite happy sleeping in our bed :mad:

any suggestions as to how i can get him used to sleeping in cot again?? is stressing me out now.

Thanks!!

mrcow

If you want him to sleep in his own place, put him back in the cot.

Make sure that he is not too hot/to cold/hungry/wet etc and then persevere.

DH got quite distressed and wouldn't let me persevere.

This is a big no. tbh, by not seeing it through, you are not doing anyone any favours, especially your son. He will not be getting a decent night's sleep in a bed with two other people.....and neither will you!

It is difficult. Don't know much about controlled crying....I think most "techniques" are just common sense (and don't get too wrapped up in any textbooks). But if you want to succeed, like anything with parenting, putting in the work now, will pay off volumes in the long term.

My youngest two co-slept with me for many months after birth and tbh, I wouldn't have had it any other way, but once it gets to the point where you want it to stop, you are going to have to prepare yourself for a little bit of a rocky start. We just deceided that that was that and moved them over, went and settled them when they cried and over time, they grew to love their cots.

My son never co-slept, but I did used to cuddle him to sleep and then put him in his cot.....again....probably a big "no" but who cares?.......he still has grown up a healthy and well balanced kid.

Do it the way that suits you, but once you havemade the decision, stick with it!

fraz_babe

As said before. Most "techniques" are common sense. And i dont know what could help. Alls i can say is keep persivering (cannot spell it sorry). As in the long run, it will get worse. I hope you get it sorted xx

Floxxie

Have to agree with mrcow - make a decision and stick with it.

If you don't see your child sleeping in bed with you a problem, then that's fine. When he is old enough he will manage to sleep in his own cot/bed but be aware that his place of 'rest' will always be your bed (we have this with our 7 year old son who will even sleep walk and get in our bed).

However if you want him to sleep in his own cot/bed, then you are going to have to take the plunge and persevere. This might mean putting him in his cot once he is asleep (this never worked with my son; he woke up each time) or letting him cry (we did this several times including a mammoth 4 hour session - didn't work for us)

In the end, our son had his teething, grew a little and just didn't want us anymore. We then just have to deal with moving him back to his bed when he does come wandering..but if that is all the problems we have with him, well I can live with that!

Floxxie

Paparika

Your not on your own.

Mind hated his cot and would cry so much he would either be sick or fall asleep with exhaustion (Don't panic i was always near by but he didn't know that)

My ex OH hated hearing him cry so much and would allow him to fall asleep on the sofa and carry him to bed.... this continued until he was 4 and i divorced the ex (not a recommendation, i just had a bully for a husband) then told my DS that he had to go to bed as he was a big boy now.

Allowing DS to join you in bed may get you your sleep you need but you will fight to get him out again. good luck it looks like the battle is with the OH, as you were doing fine before he stepped in.