Getting rid of lodger...also a friend AWKWARD!

black_wings

Bath_cube wrote: »

I'm guessing that when the child stays you and your partner feed the child at your own cost?. And your lodger has him or her at the weekend so he doesn't have to pay his ex any maintainance costs am I correct?. If so this so called lodger really has got the measure of you two. Very clever stuff and planning on behalf of this lodger I must say.

Fortunately we are not that soft - they buy their own food.
Come to think of it he did mention once about not wanting to work more or have her less nights or something or other because it would mean he has to pay more. I didn't understand or particularly care but I guess it makes sense now.

chesky

At last, a thread in which EVERYBODY is in agreement! It happens so infrequently.

You have colluded in his anti-social behaviour. Time to stop it and give your boyfriend a kicking at the same time.

easilydistracted

This is very straightforward. Give your friend very clear written notice as a lodger that he needs to leave and by a clear date. Make sure this is before you are due to leave so you can change the locks with no drama. Obviously you can only do this because he is a lodger. Hand it over and be clear there is no wriggle room. Then explain that because he has not kept to his responsibilities and because he is so negative about the new area you do not want him to come and this is non negotiable. Prepare for lots of drama and him never speaking to you again. Do not cave. If you can't do all of this you are perhaps not cut out for buying a house together!

Teapot55

Also, plan for time to clear his room out and clean it. He is likely to leave stuff behind if he is not used to clearing up after himself.

PenguinOfDeath

Wow. What a situation.

OP, get your self over to the Captain Awkward site some great assertive scripts. This guy needs shutting down NOW.

LannieDuck

You have a choice - you can get rid of him when you move, or you can have him as a lodger for the next 5 years.

The choice is yours... (and your bf's).

elsien

So your BF definition of a friend is:
Someone who sponges off you financially
Someone who is happy to sit on his backside and not do his share of chores
Someone who breaks your belongings
Someone who keeps you awake at night - btw the first time he tried that on me, the trip switch would have off and we'd have been having strong words.

Seriously, the both of you, just grow a pair.

Arthog

To add to the very good advice you have been given - because it gets so stressful when your own moving date is getting close, it may be best to give him notice now, for the last day of April, which is a weekend so a good time for him to move. Work towards that event, helping him to pack etc, Give him the notice in writing, and discuss it as little as possible.
You'll get the 'oh you are putting me out on the street are you?' scenario, and that is when you keep your mouth closed!
Also you can take advice from the local council housing department who may be able to put him into homeless accommodation, hopefully with support to get his life organised.

professor~yaffle

An adult male is unlikely to get housed in London, unless he's got the child with him, in which case they may try and find him a B&B hostel. Not the OP's problem, but it sounds like they feel responsible for this guy. Not sure why, - as I said earlier I think I might be up on homicide charges if I had a 'friend' like that living under my roof for any length of time!

justme111

easilydistracted wrote: »

Then explain that because he has not kept to his responsibilities and because he is so negative about the new area you do not want him to come and this is non negotiable.

Starting to explain WHY would be a big mistake. One can argue with reasons. They do not have to give him reasons why they want to live as a couple. They sacrificed their privacy for money for a while , now situation changed, they do not want to do it anymore. That is it, no further explanation required.