Getting rid of lodger...also a friend AWKWARD!

Diary

Just my own opinion, I'd be far more concerned with the OP's boyfriend than the lodger. Buying a house with the boyfriend when he also wants a very disrespectful mate and the mates child, knowing full well the OP doesn't want children, to live with them also is simply awful.

You deserve better than them both OP.

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black_wings wrote: »

Pollycat - I agree we have shot ourselves in the foot by being too soft. I regret the conversation now and wish we had been firmer in saying he can't come with us.
I may have to go back to him and drop some big hints that it would be easier all round if he made sure he found somewhere in 2 months.
Coincidentally he has this week off work so now would be a good time to look for a job and housing.

I wouldn't bother with "big hints".

You need to tell him directly, "We can't accommodate you in our new house and as such you need this 2 month notice to find somewhere else to live."

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professor~yaffle wrote: »

I would say the fault's 70% on the scrounging guy's side, maybe 30% on theirs, but the blame game's rarely helpful anyway. What they need is advice on how to get rid of this friend before they move.

I think its the other way round.
People like this lodger get away with being as they are because they never learn any different. That's due to people they come in contact with enabling their behaviour and making excuses for them.

When someone is bailed out time and time again, they never learn any different.

OP and her BF have allowed this situation to go on and on to their own detriment.

Loz01

Oh my days. When you say he hasn't ever bought toilet roll in a year...??? How have you let it slide this long?! I would've sat him down and told him what for. As for keeping you up playing music or the TV.... wow. Do NOT let him move with you!! He isn't your 13 year old son, he's a grown man who sounds lazy, living a subsidised life just so he doesn't have to pay more CSA!

clairec79

I haven't actually seen where you've asked him to leave. You've told him you are moving and he can come if he wants

Why on earth do you think he's going to find somewhere else instead of the cushy number he's got with you?

Happier_Me

OP, he CAN'T come with you to your new house, he won't leave and his behaviour won't improve. This is the perfect opportunity to cut these ties.

Talk to your BF, tell him how you feel about this, make it clear the potential repercussions on your lives and your relationship if the lodger stays in the picture. If you have to be bad cop and tell the lodger he won't be moving with you then so be it! But you need to have this conversation, the message needs to be crystal clear and you need to do it soon! Because he needs the full two months to get himself sorted.

Do not back down on this. No compromises, at all.

annandale

Hes paying 400 pounds a month out of a 500 quid a month salary and he pays for his food as well. Does he cost 400 pounds a month being there? Surely you could buy some loo roll or cleaning products from the rent he pays you?

If you wanted him to pay for loo roll, then, say something. If you wanted him to keep the noise down, again say something. Same with cleaning.

Letting it go on and then saying how bad he is, what's the point in that?

tensandunits_2

Was anybody listening to radio 2 this morning? There was a very similar problem on the Grill Graham dilemmas, - a lodger refusing to budge and a stressed-out landlady/bride trying to get rid of her.

OP I suggest you get some legal advice if you and your other half do want rid of him, as it seems unlikely that he'll go of his own accord. Has this friend signed a contract? However, reading between the lines it does sound like he will be coming with you, as it's unlikely the boyfriend will have the strength of character to insist that he moves out.

xMonsoonx

Fastest way to get rid or prevent him from moving with you for someone who doesn't have a back bone is to up the rent. You won't see him for dust!

oystercatcher

annandale wrote: »

Hes paying 400 pounds a month out of a 500 quid a month salary and he pays for his food as well. Does he cost 400 pounds a month being there? Surely you could buy some loo roll or cleaning products from the rent he pays you?

If you wanted him to pay for loo roll, then, say something. If you wanted him to keep the noise down, again say something. Same with cleaning.

Letting it go on and then saying how bad he is, what's the point in that?

I bet if anyone spoke to the lodger he would say " Oh no they don't mind, they've never said anything"

Some people are just blissfully unaware of anyone else's feelings and it sounds like the OP and partner are too afraid to say anything either. So the situation just carries on.

The other possibility is that OP's partner actually likes having his mate there all the time and doesn't feel such a need to get rid of him ? Have this been properly discussed ?

OP if your partner can't put your feelings before those of his mate then I have serious worries about your relationship. I wouldn't be buying a house with him either because my bet is that you will be splitting and selling in a year or two if not sooner.