Getting rid of lodger...also a friend AWKWARD!

DUTR

Pixie5740 wrote: »

You don't need to make up some excuse as to why he can't move into your new home. Give an excuse and it's something he can talk you, or more likely your OH, round on. Just tell him straight that he's not going to be moving in with you and that he needs to find a new home sooner rather than later.

I agree, the only conversations I would have been having over the 12 months is if the person has actively been seeking accomodation as the arrangement is temporary.

*~Zephyr~*

Pixie5740 wrote: »

You don't need to make up some excuse as to why he can't move into your new home. Give an excuse and it's something he can talk you, or more likely your OH, round on. Just tell him straight that he's not going to be moving in with you and that he needs to find a new home sooner rather than later.

Agree with this. You don't need any other reason besides that you don't want him to live with you.

Why are you so afraid of upsetting him? You've already said that he'll make you out as being the bad-guys regardless of what you say to him, so what does it matter?

He's emotionally manipulative and you're allowing him to play you like a fiddle. Grow a pair and tell him he needs to leave.

professor~yaffle

annandale wrote: »

You've told him he could come with you for a while if he needs to? Now you are posting about how to get rid. Your original post talks about being stuck offering, you've already offered!

If this situation is a mess, it's a mess you've created

I would say the fault's 70% on the scrounging guy's side, maybe 30% on theirs, but the blame game's rarely helpful anyway. What they need is advice on how to get rid of this friend before they move.

karcher

black_wings wrote: »

When we told him on the weekend about buying our own place and that he could come with us for a while if he needs to

Why on earth did you say that?

You'll never get rid of him.

He's had plenty of notice, what he does next is not your concern.

You are mad if you let him move with you.

Pollycat

professor~yaffle wrote: »

I would say the fault's 70% on the scrounging guy's side, maybe 30% on theirs, but the blame game's rarely helpful anyway. What they need is advice on how to get rid of this friend before they move.

I think they've had plenty of that already on the thread.

:wave: Bye Bye.

^^^^ Advice for the lodger

thorsoak

black_wings wrote: »

Pollycat - I agree we have shot ourselves in the foot by being too soft. I regret the conversation now and wish we had been firmer in saying he can't come with us.
I may have to go back to him and drop some big hints that it would be easier all round if he made sure he found somewhere in 2 months.
Coincidentally he has this week off work so now would be a good time to look for a job and housing.

For heaven's sake - don't drop hints - just tell him he is NOT COMING WITH YOU and tell BF the same - DO NOT sign contracts until this is perfectly understood by everyone - otherwise you will have him and his sprog with you forever!

Bath_cube

I'm guessing that when the child stays you and your partner feed the child at your own cost?. And your lodger has him or her at the weekend so he doesn't have to pay his ex any maintainance costs am I correct?. If so this so called lodger really has got the measure of you two. Very clever stuff and planning on behalf of this lodger I must say.

paddy's_mum

The so-called mate isn't the problem. Your cowardly boyfriend is!

In your shoes, I'd be making it very clear that if the pal isn't gone inside a calendar month, nobody will be moving anywhere, especially if it's my money that is helping to fund the whole enterprise of current flat and future house.

-taff

Tell him you've changed your minds, he can't come with you as you'll be in breach of your mortage agreement.
Remind him he has two months to find somewhere.

If he starts being a pain, kick him out, change the locks.

Sofa surfers have no rights at all.

Scrimps

I had a similiar situation with a lodger who was also a friend. We went in eyes wide open knowing that he was a nightmare but we needed the money and he needed a place to stay. Because our eyes were wide open, we made no fuss over what a nightmare he was to live with, that it was supposed to be 3 months but turned into a year....we just went along with it and made no fuss. When he told us he was moving out we thanked him for the information and asked when so we could plan family visits over the summer, explained no hurry etc just wanted to be able to plan family coming to stay it the same room....
Cue all the BS about how we were kicking him out, he was helping us out and only stayed to help us out but now we were kicking him out etc. It was a long protracted discussion over messenger that got messy but I kept my head and said he was being unreasonable and manipulating the situation- he went into a proper narcassitic rage. Manipulating the discussions where he was the victim and we were horrible people etc etc.

He came back to the house on a come down after a week long bender, he was a mess. Discussed the situation briefly, stated that he still needed to leave, no worries on arguments etc, didnt give a deadline.

He left pretty quickly, complained about us to mutual friends, marginalised us from group friend activities etc etc......

The reason Im telling you this. It was still right to stick to our guns. We were nieve with some things, we should have handled some things better. We did lose a friendship with that person

It was still the right thing to do to have him move out. Do not taking him with you and dont be soft to his manipulations