Getting rid of lodger...also a friend AWKWARD!

TBagpuss

I think that you need to have a conversation with your partner. You and he need to be on the same page here.

Having discussed it with him, the two of you need to talk to your lodger, and to tell him that it will not be possible for him to move with you, and that he will need to find alternative accommodation by the time you move. Make clear to him that he will also need to take responsibility for repairing, or paying for the damage he and his child have caused to the property.

And then the tricky part, which is to stick to it. Again, you and your partner need to both be consistent about that. He has had plenty of time to try to find alternative work and/or accommodation, so don't let him make either of you feel guilty about saying no to letting him become a !!!!!!!!!! when you do move.

Look at it this way - you did him a huge favour and he has been antisocial, destructive and failed to behave like a good housemate or a good friend. You owe him nothing.

dirtycredit

I bet as soon as you kick him out he'll miraculously get his sh*t together.

I know you are trying to be nice and kind but ultimately you're enabling his lazy behaviour.

Take a deep breath and tell him straight. You've put up with enough and deserve time together alone in your own space. Please don't let him spoil the warm feeling that you get when you get your first place.

Good luck in your lovely new house with just you and your partner!

DC x

krlyr

Do not make excuses for him not being able to move with you, e.g. your sister needing a place, you needing your mortgage company's permission, etc. He may find ways around these, and to be honest you have absolutely no obligation to house him and he needs to be reminded of that.

I would simply say that you've discussed things with your partner (I would suggest having that discussion too to make sure he's on the same page) and you are purchasing a property for yourselves as a couple, and he will simply have to find other arrangements within the next two months.

You may feel bad for a bit, but I would remind him that you've helped him out for 12 months and now it is time for him to stand on his own two feet.

You may well find it's the best thing you do for him - he may well be forced to work more hours, find more stable accommodation, take more responsibility for his children, etc. I actually kicked my brother out of our shared house for failing to pay rent (he had money, he opted not to use it for rent!) and although he had a rough 6 months or so following it, he ended up shaking himself off, getting himself a decent job and making a big U-turn with his life. He's now got a lovely girlfriend and beautiful baby (no. 2 due any day now) in a secure rented house. You're not supporting this friend, you're supporting his bad habits, and he'll continue down the same path for years if you allow him to.

Slinky

I haven't read the whole thread, but if BF insists on saying he can move with you, let it slip that you have been fighting romantic feelings for the lodger which you may not be able to resist for too much longer..........

That'll be the end to him living with you.

Pollycat

Slinky wrote: »

I haven't read the whole thread, but if BF insists on saying he can move with you, let it slip that you have been fighting romantic feelings for the lodger which you may not be able to resist for too much longer..........

That'll be the end to him living with you.

:rotfl: Priceless! :T

Bath_cube

Black wings people on here have used their free time to advise you. All are telling you to be firm with this man and tell him NO you will NOT be coming with us to the new place. If your partner is still saying he can for a short while then tell him that himself and the lodger can stay put where they are now and you will move on your own to the new place. Don't budge on this one for the love of God. If you allow this then please don't come on here in 10 years or more time in despair. If he has shared custody of a child under 18 then he will be given more priority for council or housing association accomodation than a single person without children. It is the local authority with duty to house him not you and your partner. And where are his family in all of this? . Surely they want to see his child too?.

Primrose

You are not being unreasonable. It's also time to put your foot down and have a very serious talk with your lodger if your boyfriend hasn't had the guts to do so already.
You have been patient long enough. Tell your boyfriend you are not going to move until your lodger has moved out. Get some big packing cases in, put them in your lodger's room and give him a real big hint that you mean what you say. I also think it's time for some plain talking and to tell him he has been a thoroughly lazy and selfish individual and his behaviour has ruined your friendship which is why, apart from wanting space for yourselves, you are not going to consider offering him a place in your new home.
Does he have parents somewhere? Can he go back home and live with them?

Pollycat

Primrose wrote: »

Does he have parents somewhere? Can he go back home and live with them?

I think that bridge has already been burned.

black_wings wrote: »

T
RE telling his parents, he lived with them for a few months before becoming a sofa surfer but they kicked him out (presumably because he is lazy and hard to live with?) He now does not have any contact with a single member of his family.

Primrose

Oh, And I forgot to say, for heavens sake never give him your new address or he'll be turning up with his suitcase on your doorstep !

onlyroz

I feel your pain. We had one of hubby's friends live with us rent free for 8 months after he was repossessed. It drove me utterly bonkers - we should have put our foot down far sooner than we did.


You need to be firm. Direct him towards Gumtree or Spareroom, where he should be able to find somewhere else to stay pretty quickly. Give him a firm move-out date and every day ask him how his house-hunting is going.