To change or not to change my name?

NBLondon

My wife did as Proxima suggests - all her qualifications and so on are in her birth name and it would have been a lot to change. I had no strong feelings either way and we weren't/aren't planning any offspring so that wasn't an issue.

One of my colleagues disliked her given name and arbitrarily changed it as an adult and then changed her surname on marriage and back again on separation - which means that her legal name (on her passport) is OldFirst Husband but the name she goes by is NewFirst Original and the two are completely unalike which makes it a mess to book travel.

Men don't seem to be afflicted with these surname problems in anything like the same numbers

I've seen it only once. After a family breakdown the teenage son wanted to change surname and shorten given name - which caused some hassle because some of his exam certs were in a different name to his birth certificate with no actual documentation to prove it was the same person.

It is, I think, a thing for the couple to decide - and I do realise that sometimes pressure from elsewhere in the family may be a factor.

tea_lover

My ex (male) changed his. He liked the name itself but didn't like the link to his dad so changed it to his mum's maiden name. So it does happen. I think women are more likely to change their name for reasons other than marriage, as female surnames can be seen as less 'fixed'. The majority of women still change their name on marriage, so even if someone doesn't want to do that (perfectly valid either way of course), changing your name as a woman is seen as more 'normal'.

*~Zephyr~*

NBLondon wrote: »

... - which means that her legal name (on her passport) is OldFirst Husband ...

This isn't right. Your 'legal name' is not necessarily your name on your passport.

We all only have ONE legal name and that it the one on our birth certificate. Every other name we might use is only ever a pseudonym, including any name change on marriage.

*~Zephyr~*

It is so strange how people get so worked up about this subject. It's such a trivial matter to have extreme feelings about! So many women seem to have such angst over it, it would be far better if we just stopped doing it. Very few other countries in the world have this tradition.

People say they want to have the same name as their spouse because they will feel more of a family unit. But does that mean that they no longer feel like family to their siblings or their parents once they have a different name?

It's all a bit odd. It's just a name, people!

essjae

I don't think it's a strange subject for people to feel strongly about - after all, our names are part of our sense of identity, and are one of the first things that other people will learn about us and create assumptions about us based on those names.

I think perhaps that one of the reasons that it is more frequently the woman who changes her name, is that historically female identity has usually been how she relates to other people (ie wife of / daughter of / mother of / etc), whereas the idea of male identity was more (though not only) bound up in his achievements.

Personally I (female) will be keeping my own name on marriage. I will offer my husband-to-be the option of changing his surname to mine (as I agree that the notion of having the same surname does have some merit), but not insisting upon it. Were my partner to insist that I should take his name, then he wouldn't be the right person for me!

Mojisola

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

So many women seem to have such angst over it, it would be far better if we just stopped doing it.

It's probably on its way out - the younger generation in my family seem to be choosing whatever suits them.

There are several couples who have both kept their birth family names and use Mr and Ms; one wife who has become Mrs HisName; one who uses Mrs HerName; and another pair who have chosen a new name that they both use, again with Mr and Ms.

TonyMMM

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

This isn't right. Your 'legal name' is not necessarily your name on your passport.

We all only have ONE legal name and that it the one on our birth certificate. Every other name we might use is only ever a pseudonym, including any name change on marriage.

No - your legal name is whatever you choose to use. That can be your birth name, a married name or any name at all you choose to declare yourself to be known by.

The name on a birth registration reflects that given at that time only, and can't be changed (except in a few very rare circumstances), but it doesn't mean you have to use it forever.

Birth registrations don't even show a specific surname for a child until 1969.

Person_one

Mojisola wrote: »

It's probably on its way out - the younger generation in my family seem to be choosing whatever suits them.

There are several couples who have both kept their birth family names and us Mr and Ms; one wife who has become Mrs HisName; one who uses Mrs HerName; and another pair who have chosen a new name that they both use, again with Mr and Ms.

Sadly, about 95% of the women I know who have got married in the last 10 years have been absolutely delighted to change their name. For a surprising number changing it on Facebook seems to be literally the first thing they do after signing the register!

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

Sadly, about 95% of the women I know who have got married in the last 10 years have been absolutely delighted to change their name. For a surprising number changing it on Facebook seems to be literally the first thing they do after signing the register!

Sounds like my family is somewhat non-conformist!

Primrose

Years ago when I became engaged an aunt asked me what my new married surname would be. I told her. My husband!s surname began with the same initial as my own. "How convenient dear" she told me. "You won't have to change the initials on your pyjama case!"

I still chuckle at that comment. It sounds so very Victorian !