To change or not to change my name?

Izadora

Sorry for yet another 'name change' thread but I'm really struggling to decide what to do about my name when I get married.

Neither of us like double-barrelled names and he wouldn't want to change his so it's totally down to me to pick which one I want.

I like the idea of us sharing his name but I also like my surname. There's also the fact that mine's pretty rare (the only people in this country with my surname are related to me) while his isn't.

Did you/your spouse change names when you married and how did you decide what to do?

cats2012

I always wanted to take my OH's name, mine was very rare but also quite embarrassing so I was happy to lose it! OH's is equally rare though so maybe if his had been more common I would have been more tempted to incorporate mine somehow. Could yours work as a middle name for you, i.e. add new one on the end? If not, I think it's just down to your preference.

Without going off on any sort of rant, before anyone mentions it (as you will always get on name related threads!) it was NOTHING to do with my husband "owning me" or me "losing my identity" etc etc - I wanted to be Mrs B and us have the same name as a family. For me, feminism and equality is about me having that choice - I chose to change, others don't, I wasn't forced in any way

Mojisola

Izadora wrote: »

Sorry for yet another 'name change' thread but I'm really struggling to decide what to do about my name when I get married.

There's no rush to change so why not carry on using your own name to start with? If that feels right, keep your birth surname; if not, change it.

Are you hoping to have children? Have you thought about what their surname would be?

cats2012 wrote: »

For me, feminism and equality is about me having that choice - I chose to change, others don't, I wasn't forced in any way

Hurrah for this! Freedom to chose - for women and men. :T

comeandgo

I kept my name for a number of years due
my working career and it was cheaper not to have new cards etc printed but now we are Mr and Mrs

Gloomendoom

I must admit that it never occurred to me to change my name. My wife did briefly go through the same thing as you (OP) but, in the end, decided to adopt my surname.

We didn't decide that she would take my name, it was solely her decision. I think she may sought advice on this forum, or at least read past threads on the topic.

Mojisola

comeandgo wrote: »

I kept my name for a number of years due
my working career and it was cheaper not to have new cards etc printed but now we are Mr and Mrs

That's a separate decision.

My OH and I share the same surname but I am still Ms.

Izadora

It wouldn't really work as an extra middle name - all three of my names and OH's surname are two syllables so it would become too much of a mouthful - so I just need to choose whether to keep it or give it up.

I totally agree with this:

cats2012 wrote: »

For me, feminism and equality is about me having that choice - I chose to change, others don't, I wasn't forced in any way

I just wish I found it easier to choose

Gloomendoom

Mojisola wrote: »

That's a separate decision.

My OH and I share the same surname but I am still Ms.

My wife never was a Ms, she was always a Miss. Anybody that tried to force Ms on her got short shrift... and still does.

clairesilverspar

I've decided to change my name. I did have a tough time deciding, as I felt my identity is very much tied up with my name - it's very individual.
We both have unusually spelt names, and I have two long middle names which would make double-barrelling look and sound ridiculous. He offered to change to my name as he didn't really have a preference. In the end I decided I wanted to change mine to his.


The thing is, it doesn't have to be one or the other. You always maintain the ability to use your maiden name, you just gain the choice to use his. This isn't quite the same for guys as they have to change by deed poll as far as I'm aware.


You could try it out for a while and then change later if you decide. Or you can use your married name for some things, and your maiden for others... i.e. Bank and Passport married name, work stuff maiden name.

Torry_Quine

When I married it never occurred to me not to change my name to his. I agree though it's your choice and on its own means nothing about you as an individual.

Izadora

Mojisola wrote: »

Are you hoping to have children? Have you thought about what their surname would be?

It's definitely more of a hope, due to my age and a couple of other things, than a likelihood but it's a consideration. When we first talked about it my OH's conclusion was that, as I'd be the one who'd have to carry them for 9 months, I could decide what surname they took.

If we do have them I would probably be more likely to want a family surname and take on his. As you said though, I don't have to rush into anything so can keep my name until something happens which makes me decide what my preference is.