To change or not to change my name?

balletshoes

Izadora wrote: »

Sorry for yet another 'name change' thread but I'm really struggling to decide what to do about my name when I get married.

Neither of us like double-barrelled names and he wouldn't want to change his so it's totally down to me to pick which one I want.

I like the idea of us sharing his name but I also like my surname. There's also the fact that mine's pretty rare (the only people in this country with my surname are related to me) while his isn't.

Did you/your spouse change names when you married and how did you decide what to do?

I changed my surname when we got married, it makes my first-name and surname combination unique (probably in the world, but certainly in the country we live in ).

svain

gt568 wrote: »

I'd have walked had my wife not taken my name. Some things you can't compromise on!

I'm probably considered "old fashioned" these days.

Im with you on this. However, not a relationship deal breaker for me ... but i wouldnt take the next step of getting married unless she took my surname

TonyMMM

Marriage doesn't change a woman's name. Anyone is free to use any name they like, but convention does put pressure on.

It only really becomes an issue when the couple come to register a child and they then have to choose what surname to give the baby - that can be either of the parent's names or a completely new name, but has to be specifically stated.

I am not fan of double-barrelling, that just avoids a decision and pushes the problem down a generation. I know of a case where a couple getting married had both been given double barrelled surnames by their parents and there was a huge family fall out about what they would do about names (and call their children). Both blamed their parents for not making a decision and in the end they chose to go back to tradition and just used his paternal surname on its own which upset everyone !

ceb1995

I will be taking my fiance's surname, we want to share a surname and for our kids to have the same name as all of us ; I changed my surname by sticking both of my parents' together as a teenager which causes quite a lot of hassle spelling it to people so we've decided to share his much easier surname instead.
If my name was still just my dads then my fiance would probably be taking it.

hanna_mary105

Primrose wrote: »

Never occurred to me not to change my surname on marriage. Jolly glad I haven!t had to suffer 40 years of risking getting the wrong plane ticket name matched up with bookings which didn!t match passport name, or bank accounts which wouldn't accept cheques made out in a maiden name, etc. Virtually every female I know who hasn,t changed her name on marriage has suffered an inconvenient administrative screwup at some point or other.

Keeping life simple in this respect has lots of advantages, especially if children come along.

I'd be interested in any examples anyone has of admin hassle around NOT changing your name. I've heard from friends that it's a lot of hassle doing the name change!

I've seen some things online around things like having to carry a copy of your child's birth certificate if flying with your child who has a different surname...not sure if this is true?

selement

OP, only you can decide what feels right
2 friends and I got married over last few years and all did different things. One couple both the wife and husband double barrelled their names (this is more of a pain to do as a man), one couple both kept their own names (they have since had a child which has fathers last name) and I took my husbands name.
I strongly considered my options. Both my husband and I have boring common surnames which I thought didn't sound good double barrelled, a new name based on a mixture sounded terrible, husband did not want to take my name. I liked the idea of us sharing a family name so I changed mine. I sometimes wonder if it was very boring of me to end up the traditional route but I honestly did give it some thought and the whole point is it's a choice.

My husband did not mind if I changed my name or not and might have agreed to double barrell his own. I would have been upset if he insisted I take his name but we aren't particularly traditional

System

If i ever get married (wihch doesn;t look too likely unless its a registry office job and a maccy d's reception :rotfl: ), i would 100% change my name to his. But that said i hate my surname. Its my last tie to my biological dad who i;ve had nothing to do with for about 11 years now. So for me making that break is important (plus h9is suname starts with the same letter as my actual name so alliteration and it rolls off the tongue )

Obv very different circumstances to your own though as you like your name and it has unique family ties. I'd go with whatever you'd feel more comfortable with.

EdwardB

Izadora wrote: »

Sorry for yet another 'name change' thread but I'm really struggling to decide what to do about my name when I get married.

Neither of us like double-barrelled names and he wouldn't want to change his so it's totally down to me to pick which one I want.

I like the idea of us sharing his name but I also like my surname. There's also the fact that mine's pretty rare (the only people in this country with my surname are related to me) while his isn't.

Did you/your spouse change names when you married and how did you decide what to do?

In Spain and Latin American countries the parents do not change their name but the children have two surnames, the fathers always goes first. They do not use a hyphen.

I think it is the best system out there, No paperwork to change.

Gloomendoom

EdwardB wrote: »

In Spain and Latin American countries the parents do not change their name but the children have two surnames, the fathers always goes first. They do not use a hyphen.

I think it is the best system out there, No paperwork to change.

Except that the surnames end up ridiculously long. So long that I usually abbreviate them.

At the other extreme are Chinese surnames where they may only be two letters and, apparently, only about ten different surnames used by 90% of the population

Person_one

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

If i ever get married (wihch doesn;t look too likely unless its a registry office job and a maccy d's reception :rotfl: ), i would 100% change my name to his. But that said i hate my surname. Its my last tie to my biological dad who i;ve had nothing to do with for about 11 years now. So for me making that break is important (plus h9is suname starts with the same letter as my actual name so alliteration and it rolls off the tongue )

You can change your surname today if you hate it.

I always find it odd that so many women hate their surnames, or have awkward or difficult ones, or have issues with their dads that mean they absolutely need to get rid of his name on marriage (but never before).

Men don't seem to be afflicted with these surname problems in anything like the same numbers, not even the brothers of the women with the awful ones...

If you (general you) want to change your surname, at least examine the real reasons and own it.