To change or not to change my name?

heartbreak_star

Primrose wrote: »

Years ago when I became engaged an aunt asked me what my new married surname would be. I told her. My husband!s surname began with the same initial as my own. "How convenient dear" she told me. "You won't have to change the initials on your pyjama case!"

I still chuckle at that comment. It sounds so very Victorian !

My grandmother asked me the same question back when I was engaged.

I told her it would be the same as before I was married...she was unimpressed :rotfl:

HBS x

Cheeseface

I currently use my birth name. I have have been married to my second husband for over a decade. I did use my first husband's surname but never felt comfortable with it. I changed because it was traditional to do so and thought of it as a symbolic gesture to show my love for him. On separating I knew I should change back to my maiden name and keep it no matter what. My current husband was totally ambivalent regarding my name on our marriage.

I have two children who have their own father's surname ( both children have different fathers) so that's three surnames in our house. Never any admin problems, we've been abroad numerous times and both children have had no problems with passport control.

I don't worry if I get referred to as Mrs X, my children have never worried that they different names to me either. My eldest did consider changing his surname to his stepfathers if I changed mine but that didn't happen.

lobbyludd

Primrose wrote: »

Never occurred to me not to change my surname on marriage. Jolly glad I haven!t had to suffer 40 years of risking getting the wrong plane ticket name matched up with bookings which didn!t match passport name, or bank accounts which wouldn't accept cheques made out in a maiden name, etc. Virtually every female I know who hasn,t changed her name on marriage has suffered an inconvenient administrative screwup at some point or other.

Keeping life simple in this respect has lots of advantages, especially if children come along.

odd: my experience is that it's never caused any admin or other problems since i married and didn't change my name - it had no disadvantages, and that wasn't made more complicated when the children arrived.

OP, it is very unlikely that anyone will come along with a suggestion that you haven't thought of. but you don't have to decide at the point you marry, and can try both/either out whenever you want.

tea_lover

Surely cheques in your maiden name could only possibly be a problem if you HAD changed your name?

maman

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

It is so strange how people get so worked up about this subject. It's such a trivial matter to have extreme feelings about! So many women seem to have such angst over it, it would be far better if we just stopped doing it. Very few other countries in the world have this tradition.

People say they want to have the same name as their spouse because they will feel more of a family unit. But does that mean that they no longer feel like family to their siblings or their parents once they have a different name?

It's all a bit odd. It's just a name, people!

I don't agree.


Like essjae said, it's part of who you are. One of the most common reasons that women choose not to change their name is for professional reasons. If you've built a reputation/well known in the workplace by a particular name then it's a bit like your 'brand'. That was my main reason for not changing my name when I married DH.


This amused me too:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/02/08/miriam-gonzalez-durantez-called-mrs-clegg-invite-speak-international/


Personally I don't make a fuss if someone makes a genuine mistake and assumes I use DH's name. My bank is aware so when I (rarely) get a cheque in my 'married name they are happy to pay it in. It's also useful as invariably if someone asks for Mrs DH on the phone I know it's a cold caller!:rotfl:


DH is often called by my name but he doesn't make a fuss either.;)

svain

whats happened to BrightonBest?? .... he must have a theory that if against a name change they will probably cheat :rotfl:

Proxima_Centauri

svain wrote: »

whats happened to BrightonBest??

I think he morphed into Dakota Devil

System

Person_one wrote: »

You can change your surname today if you hate it.

I always find it odd that so many women hate their surnames, or have awkward or difficult ones, or have issues with their dads that mean they absolutely need to get rid of his name on marriage (but never before).

Men don't seem to be afflicted with these surname problems in anything like the same numbers, not even the brothers of the women with the awful ones...

If you (general you) want to change your surname, at least examine the real reasons and own it.

I did want to change my name to my stepdad's surname (and rest of family), couldn't do it before 18 as would have needed bio dads permission. Stopped speaking at 19 and couldn't deal with anything to do with him, plus i was scared of how he'd react and my head was a mess. (i never even went to my nans funeral cos i couldn't face seeing him) Was seriously ill up until about 27 by which point it felt too late to change my name, i was worried it would come across as an empty gesture as i'd had years to change it and hadn't (yes family probably would have understood but anxiety does stupid stuff to your thinking). To be honest i haven;t dealt with the issues regarding my bio dad. I've just tried to ignore them and hide from them for the past 11 years. I also more in recent years have not felt of a part of my family so its not felt right to change to to theirs even though that was my original intention. Its something i;ve thought about a lot but at 30 i'm still confused and too scared to do anything.

marriage just seems a more socially acceptable, easier and understandable reason to change my name.

Izadora

lobbyludd wrote: »

OP, it is very unlikely that anyone will come along with a suggestion that you haven't thought of.

I'm kind of ashamed to admit it but I hadn't actually thought of the fact that it's not a total either/or and that I could cop out of having to make a decision by using both

Thank you everyone, although I'm still not entirely sure what I want to do it's nice to know that everyone has different reasons for changing/not changing and that there really is no right or wrong way to approach it.

Dird

If she doesn't want to tie herself to the family name I'm not gonna tie myself to her. If wasting all that money on a wedding day I'd at least expect us to become one unit. Not father & kids with the same name & mother standing out like a sore thumb because she read some feminist rant. I might change my own surname before that happens though as I have a double barrelled name & they're annoying as hell; would knock the 2nd part off it.

Mojisola wrote: »

My OH and I share the same surname but I am still Ms.

Do you remove your wedding ring before entering the workplace also?