To change or not to change my name?

Gloomendoom

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

I disagree. The obviously Anglo-Saxon name on my birth certificate is who I am. I'm definitely not eastern European and, beautiful though his name is, it really isn't who I am.

You are thinking only of the present and the past.

If you adopted your husband's name, it would become part of a future you.

*~Zephyr~*

Gloomendoom wrote: »

You are thinking only of the present and the past.

If you adopted your husband's name, it would become part of a future you.

But its an irrelevance. I will still be his wife, regardless of what name I use. There is absolutely no practical reason for changing a name.

heartbreak_star

I wonder if I'm be less ambivalent if I didn't have a mother with such a strong sense of identity that when she married 45 years ago, she refused to take her husband's name. It that day and age, apparently it was not the done thing and I'm proud she made a stand and double-barrelled her name (it was that, he change his name, or the wedding was off ;-) ).

I'd consider it an insult if I chucked that away.

HBS x

Mojisola

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I wonder if I'm be less ambivalent if I didn't have a mother with such a strong sense of identity that when she married 45 years ago, she refused to take her husband's name. It that day and age, apparently it was not the done thing and I'm proud she made a stand and double-barrelled her name (it was that, he change his name, or the wedding was off ;-) ).

It also makes a difference if you have family in other countries where women don't change their surnames on marriage. It makes you realise that it's by no means a vital element of a happy marriage.

*~Zephyr~*

Mojisola wrote: »

It also makes a difference if you have family in other countries where women don't change their surnames on marriage. It makes you realise that it's by no means a vital element of a happy marriage.

And if it IS vital (i.e. if the husband insists on it if the wife has reservations) then the relationship is hardly a healthy one.

ladymarmalade

I couldn't wait to take my husband's surname and would never have had any other thoughts on the matter. To me, it is part of becoming a married couple a showing everyone that you are now a team!

Gloomendoom

*~Zephyr~* wrote: »

But its an irrelevance. I will still be his wife, regardless of what name I use. There is absolutely no practical reason for changing a name.

It makes it more obvious to others that you are married, not just a couple of individuals shacked up together.

That is important to some people, if not you.

See the post above.

heartbreak_star

ladymarmalade wrote: »

I couldn't wait to take my husband's surname and would never have had any other thoughts on the matter. To me, it is part of becoming a married couple a showing everyone that you are now a team!

Not to me...the way I (and my mum) see it, marriage itself is becoming a team. If you want a change, double-barrelling your name is becoming a team. Taking his name "submits" you to him.

(Would he have taken your name? It works that way too!)

HBS x

heartbreak_star

I should also say I love my surname, I love the origins of it, it is part of my identity and thus I have insanely strong opinions on the subject (see earlier post )

HBS x

ladymarmalade

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Not to me...the way I (and my mum) see it, marriage itself is becoming a team. If you want a change, double-barrelling your name is becoming a team. Taking his name "submits" you to him.

(Would he have taken your name? It works that way too!)

HBS x

No I would never have asked him too! And I certainly do not see it as submitting myself to him. I am proud to be his wife! I am a traditionalist in that respect. However I can understand other people's points of view...I just don't share them. I am not really a traditionalist in any other respect (I have my own career earn roughly the same as my husband, can support myself etc) I just have quite string views on marriage.:D