OH wants a separation. I have no job. HELP!

justme111

?? So what facts exactly make you state that?
Why you saying the father acting against the child doing exams - child is perfectly cool with divorce, you have no facts to state that. But then in your posts you
do not care much with facts
So how does children seeing the light once they grow justifies giving them misleading information now (the stance "father does not think about you, only I do" ) ? How else can it be interpreted but " I don't care about children , they will be ok once they grow, for now my task is to get the biggest chunk of the pie" ? By the way they are never going to be the same , thinking one if parents or both of them do not care about one is about as much emotional damage as can be done to a human.
My own divorce did not have issues on financial side whatsoever. We have a child together , we are in contact, I am in a contact with his new partner where we can discuss issues about my daughter's upbringing and feedback after she stays with them so your attempt to discredit me did not work. I know about mechanics of damage it causes by observing many families and witnessing hypocritical stance that you describe - " I am thinking of children , he thinks of himself; I am fair he is selfish" and seeing damage it causes.

jayII

justme111 wrote: »

It would not be fair to the husband as whatever assets /reduction of debt he achieves in these 2 years she would benefit from. If I were him I would explore options to get it done quicker. Not sure how could it be in zippy's best interest either - what is the point to delay settlement and divorce? Why prolong an agony of legal battle ?

After the two years, they'd both benefit from the other's improved financial situation, in any financial agreement. Zippy has already found a job and seems determined to increase her hours and earning power as soon as she gets used to working again and is able to find additional work.

Leaving things as they are for two years would give their daughter stability whilst she finishes school and prepares for adult life. It would also give Zippy a chance to improve her earnings, so that she is able to provide a home for herself--and her children, since their father seems to be unconcerned about their welfare, now that their son 'is an adult'. Even though no under 25 year old can get state support with housing, if they are unable to find enough work to support themselves.

Spendless

justme111 wrote: »

It would not be fair to the husband as whatever assets /reduction of debt he achieves in these 2 years she would benefit from. If I were him I would explore options to get it done quicker. Not sure how could it be in zippy's best interest either - what is the point to delay settlement and divorce? Why prolong an agony of legal battle ?

Because they have a child still in Secondary education (lower sixth form) that needs providing for. By September next year (assuming no re-take year) that won't be the case. Youngest will be an adult in her own right and able to access her own income, either from gaining a place at Uni, finding a job or claiming JSA. Until then she needs to be provided for by both parents.

justme111

I did not mean selling house now
I meant reaching agreement as to percentage split of everything and may be divorce.
May be father would welcome children living with him? He does not have this option now, he is in a bedsit but in the future it does not need to be the case always

justme111

David, I "stick up" for this guy because you are determined to attack him first suggesting he has a floozy then suggesting he does not care about his children. I do not think I will change your opinion, I just draw attention of other readers to how groundless and detrimental your accusations are. Re selling house - if you bothered to read the thread you would see that I did not advise op to do it. On the contrary, I advised her that ex's potential anger hopefully quickly subsides and is not her issue anyway. I draw the attention of op and readers though to the chap not being able to move on with his life in a bedsit while she is in a house paid for by him during these 2 years. So that she can see things from his perspective and does not go a
on a war path that you and others seem to chear her onto. I shall stop replying for now unless op comes up with new information as I do not want to continue argument with you here.

kelpie35

I personally think Zippy has shown a lot of courage since her first post.

She has admitted that there has been faults on both side, especially communicating with one another.

I think she is making the right decision by taking her time and working things out step by step.

The most important thing to remember in all of this, is that it is/was her OH's decision to move out.

He has chosen to live a different life from the one Zippy had thought would happen.

Please take care of yourself, Zippy and DO NOT allow him to dictate or control you any longer.

You should be very proud of all the things you have achieved so far.

annandale

She's referred to them as our debts in more than one post. Saying that they went on a credit card in his name because he could get the card.

Thumper7

They are debts of the marriage regardless of how the debts were run up and in whose name they are. All debts, assets whether that be house, pensions, savings go into the pot and are then divided.

If you can zippy ensure that you get balances of all debts from when he left as any debt incurred after will be his sole responsibility.

D

springdreams

It is a good idea to have the figures available though, just in case

zippy1997

Well, 2 months on and nothing has changed - yet. OH emailed me in reply to my email at the end of Jan and basically ignored my email and still dictated what HE wanted. Namely to sell the house to clear the debts and then we can move on independently.

He is also starting the divorce proceedings today and wanted to 'warn' me that I would be receiving something through the post from his solicitor. Nice of him (sarcasm font needed).

The evening job I have is going well, nearly the end of my 3 month probation and I enjoy it a lot. The job is in my comfort range and the people are lovely. I am going to be looking for a part time one during the day to make up my hours/cash flow. The jobs I've looked for full time wage wise are about £14/15K, with 2 part time jobs I could make that and work them around my life to suit me. And not waste time on a dog walker which could be about £50 a week if I work 9-5'ish.

Have to admit I am having more bad days than good right now. OH dictating terms makes me wonder how this will turn out. He thinks the equity I receive (about £115k) plus a 'mortgage I can afford' (on £15k??) will be enough to purchase a home for me and DD (and DS when he's home). He obviously hasn't looked at prices lately. Either in this town or the ones either side of us are a no go. For a 2 bed flat w're talking about £150,000, in a decent area. He has no clue how much selling this house will cost along with the solicitor costs to hash this all out.

But his main priority are the debts. Funny how he didn't want to listen to me for the past few yrs (could even be double figures) and try to sort them out but now they're the issue?! It makes me mad.

I will be waiting for the information from his solicitor (hopefully in the next 2 weeks) and will then be going to see my SOL to see what happens next. I've been saving my tax credits to go towards unforeseen expenses and eventually a car but that will all have to be used towards SOL costs now. Another thing OH doesn't give a crap about. He's probably hoping I will just give in. He knows I don't have the money to keep fighting this. But he's wrong. My Dad has said he will help (although this will be a last resort as that's his personal money).

I just can't believe OH is being so selfish. Yes I understand he wants a divorce and the single life, but what about his daughter? Where does he expect her to live? Why the rush to sell - she needs stability now she's going to be entering her final yr for her A-levels. But no, OH doesn't care about that.

OH gets a pay rise in April plus a nice bonus that will pay for the SOL. That's how he can afford it. It won't affect him the same way.

I admit I need to step up more and I will but I can only earn so much and step up so much. He has to compromise somewhere. Which he seems to not want to do. If it was just me I'd take the £115k equity and walk but it's not. DD (and DS) still need a home.

Trying to stay calm but it's tough. I have no idea how long this will all take or how much it will all cost.